7 Things People Don't Realize You're Doing Because You're Afraid Of Heartbreak
Even you may not realize it.
kittirat roekburi / Shutterstock Anyone who's been through a breakup knows that finding the courage to put yourself out there and start dating again isn't easy. Heartbreak affects us for a long time and causes us to put our walls up and act in ways that protect our hearts.
Sometimes, these broken heart symptoms manifest subconsciously — even we don't realize the motives behind what we're doing:
It's natural to want to close yourself off from others to prevent yourself from getting hurt again, but eventually, you have to — and will — begin to move on and open up again. Once you realize what you're doing (and why), you can begin the process of healing.
1. Picking emotionally — or otherwise — unavailable partners.
If you’re really good at this, you won’t realize that you’re doing it until someone points it out to you. You will find someone that you like enough, but it just won’t work out because of one reason or another — usually, because the other person either can’t or won’t commit.
That’s why they say you attract the right partner when you’re ready. You can’t be ready if you’re too terrified to even start something that could last. Forever is a foreign concept to you right now though. Endings are the constant.
2. Seeking justification for seemingly insignificant things.
When you’re scared of heartbreak, or rejection in general, you will feel the compulsive need to get a second opinion on pretty much everything. You will also likely apologize a lot for things that others feel don’t need apologies. Not everyone will understand this, but the ones who are worth it will at least practice patience for it.
3. Being very all-or-nothing on certain things.
Sometimes, fear of heartbreak can put a “yes” or “no” filter on things. What is the point of this if it will not result in that? (There is also an overused Marilyn Monroe quote that comes to mind.) Love requires balance, which is why this attitude is usually done out of fear of heartbreak.
4. Holding on to perfectionism.
Similar to the last point, and especially with this generation that favors options so much, you “won’t settle” for anything less than unattainable perfection.
This typically stems from the belief that love = perfection. Chances are you believe that you will be lovable once you are perfect, thus causing this continuous loop of non-perfection and feeling unlovable.
5. Seeking certainty in any way you can.
Reading the last page of a book, googling the ends of movies, embracing spoilers, etc.
If you know how it ends before it begins, you can brace yourself for the impact. Unfortunately, you can’t do this in real life. It can feel good to exercise control in whatever way possible though, even if it’s all fiction.
6. Playing off pain as a joke.
The ones who suffer the most pain usually have the greatest sense of humor.
You figure, "if I keep laughing and if I keep everyone else laughing, maybe the pain will be ignorable if just for a moment."
7. Giving your all to that which you know is temporary.
With forever being a foreign concept, you still have a lot of love to give.
You figure you’ll have a spree with the few inconsistent things available to love in your life right now whether it be a person, a job, or a place.
You will love it as much as you can until you can’t anymore.
You will think that you are prepared for a tiny fracture in your heart when it ends, but you know deep down that you can never be fully ready for any kind of heartbreak.
However, that will never be enough to stop you from trying.
Erin Cinney is a writer who focuses on mental health. You can find her on Facebook.