10 Ways You're Making Him Panic (And Back Away From Your Relationship)
If every guy in your life runs for the hills but things start to get serious, the problem might be you.
PintoArt / Shutterstock Sometimes, it’s his own character or situation that provokes panic from your actions; in other cases, you do stuff to bring on panic that never existed. In relationships, women have a tendency of pushing people away, especially the men they want to be closest to.
There are many situations that can scare guys away, and you have to decide if you’re causing him anxiety or if he’s dealing with issues that cause him to panic over everything.
But the best relationship advice you will find is to pinpoint why you're scaring him away, and how you can fix things before he leaves.
Here are 10 ways you're making him panic, and back away from your relationship:
1. You mention marriage any moment you can
Sure, things are going well for you and your guy, but you are pushing him to the edge with your marriage talk. He just got comfortable with the idea of you two being a solid, committed pair, and now, no matter what you two are doing, marriage is part of every conversation.
Emails with wedding ring images. Pinterest boards on weddings you just “happen” to send him links to. Pointing out couples that are engaged. You don’t even have regular conversations anymore. You’re making him panic hardcore.
2. You never let him reach out to you
You are the one to initiate every move and you’re not giving him the chance to let him chase you or make plans. Even if you’re not needy, it scares guys away and makes them think you’re going to suffocate them.
It’s easy to be enthusiastic about someone you like. Just back off and let him do some of the driving. Men like to pursue.
3. You’re amazing... and he's terrified
You are amazing and wonderful. He’s drawn to you. You guys get along. You’re the perfect couple except for one tiny detail. He backs away or is reluctant to commit. He seems hot and cold — and that’s because he is. You’ve done nothing wrong, he’s just terrified, hiding something, or is afraid to get hurt. He’s panicked.
You’re so good that in his head, it's too good to be true. What do you do? Nothing. You do nothing. You keep on living. If he loves you, he’ll get his sh*t together and won’t chance to lose you. He’ll resolve his issues and prioritize your relationship. If he doesn’t come around, then he wasn’t so great after all.
A real honest man would never lose someone he actually cared about, but he would lose someone who was not a priority. He would lose someone he saw as superficially involved in his life.
4. You're so independent that you don't need him
You can do everything yourself. That’s great, but he wonders where he fits in. He wonders how and if you need him, and he wants to be needed. He panics over the state of your love.
He wonders if you have everything so together that there's not much room for him. This is based on his insecurities and not yours. But letting him know that you want him and he matters would really help.
5. You challenge his beliefs
Most people are intimidated by anyone who questions his or her beliefs, and a man you're dating is no different. If you are the type of woman who will ask him to qualify how he feels and why, he'll be impressed and possibly intimidated.
The fact that you are so confident and able to ask questions on his principles tells him you're a forceful and amazing woman and you might just change how he thinks.
6. You ask for what you want
You should tell a man what you want, but sometimes, he can't handle it. Sometimes it is your own fault. Putting pressure on a relationship too soon can make him run for the hills. But on the other hand, if you ask for what you want and he gets scared, he might just be immature or unsure of himself.
The reality is that most people act from their own self-esteem. If he's unsure and frightened about committing to you, he's unsure and frightened about himself and the world around him.
His anxiety is linked to him and not always you. Yes, you might be putting on the heavy. If that's the case, assess and pull back.
But don't hold off too much. Be honest about your needs and spell it out. If he's a good man, he'll appreciate this despite being in awe of your assertion.
7. You're a flirt
You're charming and people love you. You flirt with everyone, even though you're loyal. A wallflower or insecure man is going to be threatened by this. He's going to think you don't find him special.
I have had quite a few men be threatened by my social nature. It's truly their problem, but if you like someone and he doesn't understand that you're just a gregarious woman, you may want to make it a point to give him extra attention.
8. You're flighty
If you find yourself coming in and out of people's lives because you get distracted but don't intentionally do it to be hurtful, you're flighty. Flighty people don't really commit too much because they're easily distracted and not organized.
A man could panic over this flightiness and view it as you being an unstable partner. This could make him reluctant to commit and scare him away.
9. You don't give him space
Do you let him see friends or do you comment negatively? Do you get all up in his space when out in public? Does he never have a "guys" night? Are you possessive and a bit jealous? You scare guys away.
You need to back off and figure out why you're so insecure. You need to understand why you don't give him space. Is it your insecurities and self-esteem, or do you not trust him?
10. You're critical of him or his friends
If you're constantly finding ways to fix him and make him "different," he's already feeling rejected. He can't possibly commit to someone who is scrutinizing his life so harshly.
You may not even realize it. You may think you're offering him improvements and you may think he's great, but your criticisms make him feel less than.
And if it's not him but his friends you're critiquing, he may just feel you're judgmental.
Look, his friends may be juvenile or not the best influences, but you'll have to earn his trust first before you dive into tough territory like his buds. Of course, your potential guy also needs improvements just like you do, but if you start out the relationship with a laundry list of "to-do's," he's bound to back away.
Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, and marriage. Her work has been featured on YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more.