11 Sweet Things That Happen When A 'Type A' Person Is Loved The Right Way
When a powerful person is loved powerfully, their sweetness can finally shine through.
Svitlana Sokolova via Shutterstock Everyone has their way of expressing love to a partner, but "Type As" are often seen as not very romantic. The truth, however, is that when a Type A person is loved the right way, a few sweet traits emerge that may not have been expected.
Type As are known leaders and over-achievers, and that translates into intensity. While some people may shy away from the love of a Type A person, when you fully embrace the wonder of your Type A person, you can experience a love unlike any other.
11 sweet things that happen when a Type A feels truly loved
1. They show their love openly and proudly
That doesn't mean we will stand in Grand Central Station with a bullhorn screaming our undying love to passersby, but it means we're typically affectionate and go out of our way to make a declaration of love. It might be frequent touches, presents, or emails, but we aren't exactly the timid or lazy type when it comes to expression.
2. They admit when they've made mistakes
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When your Type A partner hurts you or does something to upset you, it's a hard pill for you to swallow. We want things to be just right; let's just say we didn't take getting anything less than an A in school very easily, so we take our mishaps to heart.
Some people think Type As believe we're perfect, but that's false. It's not that we don't believe we're capable of making mistakes; we hold ourselves up to ridiculously high standards at times. So, simply knowing we hurt or perhaps did the wrong thing with a loved one is a harsh internal beating for us.
In our minds, we think we should've averted this naturally in our over-achieving minds, and we didn't. Psychologist Judith Tutin explains how this is an aspect of perfectionism, "Self-criticism and shame go with the territory — you think you’re imperfect, it’s your fault because you’re not good enough, and you’re a bad person. You avoid situations where you might make a mistake or misstep, so you never try anything new. You don’t let anyone know when you make a mistake because it would be too shameful."
Be kind when delivering the news (blows to our ego) and expect that we may try to overcompensate for our mistake for a while to win back that "A" rating. What does that mean? This means we may bring on the romance and affection in droves, run to bring you your favorite foods, or pack you a lunch for work.
As we spend time trying to win back that "A" from our love on the inside, we're cursing ourselves out for the one evil mistake we made.
3. They dive into their own style of gift-giving madness
We want others to acknowledge us during our special moments, so we give back the same precise attention when it comes time for a lover's birthday or other celebration. Expect your Type A Babe or Man to ask you what you want and in detail.
If we can't get you to respond, we start to investigate. That's when we'll sneak in your closet and rummage around for sizes and other details — not because we're snooping for a bad cause.
To us, a gift is an important way to say, "I love you," and we don't want to make a risky choice. If that means a gift card over picking up some potentially offensive trinkets, we will go with the boring gift card.
4. They become great social directors
Your Type A paramour will easily navigate, plan, and invite people into your life like a professional cruise director. This doesn't mean they will be an absolute extrovert, but that social events and plans will typically go off without a hitch because no one can throw a better party than a Type A person.
So get on your party hats and be prepared to meet a ton of people because your Type A lover knows how to mingle and mix like a pro.
5. They show strong leadership skills
I hate to say it as a Type A person myself, but we can be bossy. We enjoy leading and don't often want to sit on the sidelines in some secondary role, which makes us fantastic at reaching goals and making headway — but it also makes us fabulous at butting in with our two cents, as suggested by a study in the Journal of Marriage and the Family.
You'll enjoy your motivated partner's ability to reach goals with ease and speak up for her or himself, but you will hate having to tell this leader to back down because he or she will take it personally. This is one of your lover's flaws.
6. They enjoy steering the relation-ship
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We may like to lead, but part of a Type A person's desire to lead comes from the fact that it's so easy for us, and it's hard to watch others struggle with that role. Plus, we feel indebted to do the right thing in many ways, so backing off from our leadership role makes us feel as if we're abandoning others, so to speak.
If you want your Type A partner to step back, explain that doing this will give him or her a chance to focus energies on another project and give someone else the chance to shine. Oh, and maybe relax a little. Of course, relaxing isn't so easy for the Type A crew.
7. They can be coaxed into relaxing
If you're looking forward to a relaxing day with your Type A partner, expect they may need some prep to make this happen. Taking time off of goals and doing nothing all day is counter-intuitive to the Type A being.
You may have to give out a few massages or set the perfect relaxation vibe for your lover to become at ease with the whole "relaxing" (doing nothing) thing all day. Sure, your partner will plan the perfect Caribbean vacation and relax while on the sunny beaches, but a regular day-in-the-life lazy day isn't an easy feat.
8. They love pleasing their partner
If you're struggling to be intimate, your Type A bedmate will do whatever it takes to make your intimacy blossom. If you thought your Type A partner was simply competitive in the real world, there's no way a Type A will let his or her partner take a loss in the relationship department, either.
A Type A person wants to be the best in all playing fields, so enjoy that desire to please and prepare for pleasure.
9. They are competitive
Type As are competitive folks and don't suffer losing very well, which means they take rejections, setbacks, and losses in any matter of life very hard. Research in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine suggests expecting your Type A lover to harbor some physical ailments from the stress of loss or rejection, so be empathetic.
It may be a small loss to you, but to the Type A person who's prepped with every inch of his or her being, it feels like someone put a sign on them that says, "You suck."
The plus side is that we love competition and are game for new ways to compete, like learning a new sport or game together. In addition, the energy of competition gets us revved up!
10. They argue like lawyers, but know when to stop
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Be prepared for a fight and line up all of your points logically when arguing with your Type A partner. Type A folks aren't meaner or more irascible than the general population, but their competitive streak makes them adept at arguing like trial lawyers.
When your Type A partner admits to any wrong, know that even if it takes five or fifty minutes to admit defeat. It's not that your partner is unable to believe he or she is wrong; fighting with someone takes energy and wit, and it's draining.
Then, of course, there's the sadness of being wrong and hurting your partner. Type As takes this to heart. But that's why we learn and grow! When they feel truly loved, they're more likely to make the changes to invite their partner into their arguing style rather than to try to silence them or "win" with logic.
11. They start to like surprises (if they can be part of the planning)
Type As are organized. If you live with us and love us, your place is a fine and well-oiled machine. If you need something done, your Type A will do it and leave no stone unturned.
But if you want to spring a last-minute trip or idea on your Type A partner, expect some initial resistance unless it's a romantic endeavor or a way to further a Type A career or personal agenda. Still, even if it's a career opportunity or a trip to Hawaii, a Type A will initially panic at the lack of preparation until he or she realizes that a gem has been placed in his or her hands.
Type-A wife Melinda Clayton explains the challenge of being married to her Type-B husband, "Given the differences in our Type-A and Type-B personalities, we've had some adjustments to make in our marriage. I wanted things to be done on a schedule, and he pointed out to me that my schedule wasn't necessarily his schedule. This was a shock to me, something I'd never considered."
Sometimes, you might feel like your Type A lover always has the answer, and you don't, but we're not perfect and don't expect you to be — although we set the bar high for ourselves and sometimes everyone around us.
No matter what, our minds are busy thinking of a million ways to do everything just right, and sometimes it's plain exhausting. Of course, as the object of a Type A's affection, you'll always feel loved and adored, which is a great thing.
The little things you told us that you thought no one would remember? Well, we remember. That dream wish or vacation you've been talking about for years but haven't gotten off the ground? Your Type A love will make it happen effortlessly, somehow.
Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, parenting, and marriage for YourTango, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Working Mother, and Pop Sugar.