13 Subtle Signs Of An Emotionally Intelligent Man Who Is Rare Breed, According To Research
These kinds of men do exist!
Jakob Owens | Unsplash Emotional intelligence is the adeptness with which someone perceives, understands, and manages emotions—both their own and those of others. Emotionally intelligent men are rare, primarily because many men seem to have been raised emotionally stunted messes.
Suppose you are lucky to be with a man who has developed his emotional intelligence. In that case, you can rest assured that your relationship can be much healthier than many.
Here are 13 subtle signs of an emotionally intelligent man who is a rare breed, according to research:
1. He doesn’t act like you owe him for him being nice to you
The reason why emotionally intelligent men are nice is because — surprise! — they are genuinely nice people! Holy cow, right?
It’s possible. If he’s nice and polite and doesn’t act like you owe him anything, chances are that he’s emotionally intelligent.
2. There’s no abusive behavior in the relationship
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This is one of the most obvious signs he's emotionally intelligent. Men who abuse aren’t emotionally intelligent, nor are they healthy.
3. When he’s worried or upset, he’ll actually discuss his feelings with you
He’ll tell you when he feels conflicted, when he’s concerned about changes in the relationship, and when he’s worried about X, Y, and Z. Why? Because he can parse out his feelings in a healthy and intelligent manner.
According to a 2022 study, a man discussing his feelings can indicate emotional intelligence. It indicates self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to manage emotions effectively, which are key components of emotional intelligence. Societal expectations often discourage men from expressing their feelings, so doing so can be a sign of strength and emotional maturity.
4. He’s assertive — not a doormat nor an overbearing oaf
Assertive behavior is a clear indicator that you’re dealing with an adult. Assertive means he’s polite, tells you his needs, and establishes healthy boundaries.
If he does this and doesn’t act like he’s “king of the castle,” then chances are he’s one of the rare gems out there who’s worth dating.
5. He doesn’t label himself as 'a nice guy'
Truly emotionally healthy, socially intelligent men do not have Nice Guy Syndrome. You will not see a single iota of classic “nice guy” behavior from a man who’s emotionally well because he realizes women aren’t vending machines that accept kindness tokens.
6. You can talk to him about issues and work things out verbally
Emotionally stunted men are incapable of talking things out. They’ll run away, deflect, or stonewall things.
With men who are emotionally intelligent, talking will be the way you can overcome almost any hardship. It’s incredibly refreshing once you’ve experienced it.
In an article by Johnson & Wales University, a man discussing his issues can signify emotional intelligence, mainly if it involves self-awareness, self-regulation, and social awareness. Effectively communicating his concerns and seeking solutions collaboratively demonstrates relationship management and the ability to build and maintain positive relationships.
7. He’s got a healthy, happy social life outside of you
Emotionally intelligent men are charmers who have many friends and healthy outlets for them to explore. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence to maintain lots of different kinds of relationships, so if he has plenty of friends from all walks of life, it’s a good sign.
8. You know that, if you were to choose to leave, he’d let you without reprisal
Only bitter, angry, emotionally un-evolved men are incapable of handling breakups without exacting revenge or trying to force you to stay with them.
Emotionally intelligent men realize that a relationship can only work with two willing partners and therefore will let you leave.
9. He doesn’t use emotional blackmail
If a guy needs to resort to emotional blackmail to get his way, he’s not emotionally intelligent. Similarly, emotionally intelligent men are not the type to actually have to use manipulative tactics to get what they want in a relationship, either.
Research suggests that individuals with higher emotional intelligence are less likely to engage in emotional blackmail and, conversely, that those who use such tactics may exhibit lower emotional intelligence. Another study suggests that self-reported ability-based emotional intelligence positively correlates to non-prosocial emotional manipulation.
10. His relationship with his parents is normal
I swear, it seems like there’s some sort of epidemic in this society where men have abnormal, codependent, and boundary-less ties to their parents. Sadly, this is often a sign of an emotionally underdeveloped or otherwise messed up man.
An emotionally intelligent man understands healthy boundaries, and if he can’t establish healthy boundaries with his parents, he will opt for no contact as a better way to keep his emotional wellness in his adult life.
11. He acknowledges when he’s wrong and recognizes when bad experiences may have turned someone bitter
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Emotionally intelligent people are capable of admitting their faults and are also equally capable of picking up when someone else may have a reason to act the way they do. As a result, they are more empathetic than those who lack those skills.
12. He accepts boundaries and enforces his own as well
He understands the power of boundaries because emotionally intelligent people accept that they are part of a healthy relationship. So, he won’t judge you when you ask for space.
Clear boundaries foster healthy relationships by allowing individuals to know where they stand and interact respectfully and understandingly. A 2019 study found that setting boundaries can also help prevent burnout and reduce stress by protecting your time and energy, allowing you to focus on what matters most.
13. He’s a great judge of character
It takes emotional intelligence to pick out good people, and if he picked you out, you’re probably pretty good, too.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.