How Long It Scientifically Takes Men To Fall In Love
According to research, men fall fast.
Prostock-studio | Canva It’s been a while since I’ve written about love, my favorite topic. As a follow-up to my posts on this subject, I’ve never actually addressed the hows of love. I’m thinking specifically about the duration of time it takes to fall in love.
A study was published on this matter, the study aimed to have passionate love and to compare and contrast it with other types of love (such as maternal love and unconditional love for persons with intellectual disabilities).
The 2010 study found that it takes all but one-fifth of a second after looking at someone for euphoria-inducing chemicals to be released in men's brains — the same effect as taking drugs.
These chemicals affect 12 different areas of the brain and are complex enough to give way to different types of love: Primarily, passionate, and companionable love.
Passionate love is the initial rush to the head (literally), and companionable love can actually grow between couples over time.
This means that falling in love, at first sight, is feasible: the same hormones released upon first looking at your significant other are also released when simply thinking about them.
I remember meeting someone and feeling blown away at a simple glance. Speaking in cliches, it was like time stopped and my life fast-forwarded with him front and center. It took almost no time to start talking.
Never had I experienced love at first sight. I never believed in it. He invited me out for a date the following weekend, but we talked non-stop until then.
I felt like I’d fallen in love by the time our date came to a close some seven days later. Everything was fast and furious, much to our fear and partial attempts to slow down. Why slow down when it felt so right? At this point, I’d known him for one week.
For the next six or eight weeks, we were inseparable, and it felt amazing. We traveled and went to concerts and ate dumplings. We confided in each other about vulnerable topics. I felt like my heart was whole.
Pexels / Vishnu R Nair
Around the end of two months, some big things happened for him and we grew apart. He needed some space, and I didn’t understand his communication.
At this point, real life came back to remind us that the bubble we were floating in would pop. I was devastated and could not understand why.
All the why questions went unanswered, my speculation getting the best of me. It was best not to talk often. When we did, we inevitably had another setback.
We needed time. He went out of town for a while and I dated someone else. When we started talking again, the circumstances were different.
I found a friend in him, and yet my affection for him grew. The love changed to companion love — with electronic communication being the vehicle for a new development in our relationship.
When we finally saw each other again, I had that same screaming in my head. It exclaimed “Don’t pass this up. Go for it.” Butterflies flipped and danced in my stomach, and I was smitten again, still. It was a chemical reaction over which I had no power.
As we agreed to spend more time together, the love I felt was passionate, friendly, trusting, companionable, silly, and fun. I wanted nothing more than to see him often, to develop something, and to plan our lives together.
Developing a relationship took a little more than eighteen months, from the date we met. And then I messed it up.
In the interest of privacy, I can’t go into the specific details that are usually told in love stories. I will say that I betrayed his trust by omitting some details and it broke our connection. He was stuck trying to forgive me but ultimately could not move past the facts.
And that’s, unfortunately, where the story ends. I wish I had a happier ending, but this is how it ended. This major love took eighteen months to flourish and a brief conversation to end. I still feel it.
Nina Rubin is a psychotherapist in Gestalt Therapy, with a focus on movement and relational connections.