8 Rare Qualities That Make A Woman Truly Impressive To Men, According To Psychology
These rare traits quietly set her apart, and men can't help but notice.
Nolan Manning | Unsplash Mutual attraction is visual, initially. As you progress during the mating dance, it’s the sway of her hips, the hypnotic depth in her eyes, and how she touches your arm or holds your hand. It’s the familiar feel of something you know, but it’s packaged a little differently. It’s the same for women: the sound of your voice, how you walk into a room, how your hands feel strong, yet soft. It’s about how someone smiles, how someone talks or smells, even.
Physical attraction can be instantaneous. Emotional attraction is more nuanced and impressive, and if you can appreciate what it provides it’s the glue that binds you together even when the visual attraction begins to diminish in later years or throughout the term of the relationship.
Here are the rare qualities that make a woman truly impressive to men:
1. Patience
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We are very far from being perfect creatures as men. We have to put on a face when we walk out the door to do our jobs — or even just to survive in a world that has a preconceived perception of us just by looking at us.
Despite the built-in pretenses that were taught to us when we were growing up, it is very hard to wear several faces throughout the course of the day just to be accepted by society and appear normal.
When you are with that special woman you need someone who really gets who you are, someone who is willing to patiently take the time with you without jumping to conclusions about who you are or how you may have responded to something. Someone who will take the time to ask you if something you said was something that you meant to say.
Someone who will take the time to slow you down and get you to think about your actions, your responses, and how you feel you may fit in or not in this world. Until we have finished our earthly course we are all a work in progress.
A patient woman can do a lot to ensure that you are stable of mind and that you are making the right decisions for yourself, and then the people who are in your orbit. Through your actions and responses to us, we learn to be patient (even with you.)
2. Self-confidence
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You are who you are. The size of your body and the sway of your hips may not look perfect to you. You may have put on a few pounds in the thighs because the food during the holiday season was so good and you could not resist the desserts.
There was something about you that attracted us to you. It may not have been the thin thighs or the perfectly round bottom. But it was also your personality, and how you listened and responded to us.
How your voice covers us like a cashmere sweater and how you seem to understand everything we say or interpret it better than we can. And even if you have put on a pound or two, we may even like it, you should try us on for size. You, being secure in your body and mind is the biggest aphrodisiac imaginable, and we men trust and admire the confidence you show.
The worst thing you can do is talk about how fat you are or how bad you look. Let it go, don’t say that around us because we have you on a different pedestal that we don’t even want you chipping at.
If we aren’t complaining about it, neither should you. In some cases we men like the facade that you have built. It actually helps us with our own security when we know that you are an example to us.
Research suggests that confidence is attractive because it's often interpreted as an indicator of a person's value as a partner, competence, and ability to succeed. Both men and women rate confidence as a highly attractive trait. It also signals successfully navigating past social challenges and achieving positive outcomes.
3. Good listener
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Sometimes, through the course of our relationships, we have to confide in each other about difficult issues. For some of us men, it’s very hard to have these discussions. The problem is when we try to have hard discussions with you, don’t jump to conclusions, and don’t freak out.
Allow us to finish the point, and don’t under any circumstances, judge us … just calmly speak with us. That is how we get through the complex potentially painful or introspective issues that sometimes face us all.
But allowing us to talk with you openly and freely without interruption or judgment is a way to build our trust and confidence in your ability to hear us. Learning to listen is an art form that many humans have not mastered. If you have the talent you can teach us by example.
4. Positivity
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Given the state of world events and human nature, we all can go to the dark places in our minds very easily, By being positive you can ensure that the relationship stays in the light. While nothing is perfect, positive perceptions could be very useful when you are looking for someone who you would be emotionally attracted too.
No one likes a Debbie Downer so when your man starts talking about what it is that he would like to accomplish do you allow that discussion to happen organically? Or do you start talking about the problems, pitfalls, and risks … give it some time, and if there are real issues attached to the discussion have that discussion with us maybe a little later and by all means address the issues that are of concern to you. If you give us some time we may come to the same conclusion that you have already realized.
Men are drawn to women who project positivity due to the positive reinforcement it provides and the perceived ease of interactions. Positive individuals are generally more enjoyable to be around, which can lead to greater overall satisfaction in a relationship. Additionally, a 2016 study found that an upbeat demeanor can indicate emotional stability and resilience, qualities that men may find attractive and reassuring.
5. Being present
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There is so much that has occurred in all of our pasts, and if we are lucky enough to get through it together there will be much to do in our future (hopefully together). But the “now” is what so many people miss because they are stuck in the past (wallowing in horse manure and what happened before).
Leave the past where it is. There is a reason why it’s there, in the past that is. There is only so much we should say (repeatedly) about past lovers, emotionally abusive exes, and abusive parents that any relationship should reasonably be subject to in dredging up old hurt and pain.
An emotionally attractive person, while acknowledging the past and learning from their mistakes, does not rehash old disappointments or negative experiences. Talking to a current mate, about the proclivities of individuals who are long gone from your life or looking for similarities in individual personalities is not the way to lead on the road to longevity in any relationship.
Emotionally attractive people understand that there are sometimes signals and behaviors that for lack of a better word make the hairs on the back of our neck stand up, and when you see these behaviors you address them accordingly not in the context of the previous relationship, but in the “now” so that you can make a sound judgment as to how you wish to address this new challenge.
Hopefully, we all learn from our past mistakes or our past challenges. Emotionally attractive people understand why the past is best left where it is and how to work with you to make your combined future even brighter.
6. Trust
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Throughout the course of the relationship, we tell each other things. Some of the things are very personal, some of the things are soul-searching and we open ourselves up to you sometimes in order to understand ourselves better (or to confess past wrongs.)
In this instance, you become the repository of our souls and the guardians of our psyche. Don’t breach that trust. Be Fort Knox and under no circumstances do you share intimate things that we have discussed with you, with your Mother, Girlfriends, Sisters, or anyone.
The biggest no-no is to never, ever toss a secret back in someone’s face during the heat of an argument. To do that is indicative of your desire to end the relationship and a sure sign to him that you can’t be trusted emotionally (which, for men, is the equivalent of an Achilles Heel.)
If we share something with you and later allow it to ferment in your mind, come back to us so that we may further discuss it with you if it’s critical to you and requires further clarification.
They are called secrets for a reason, and if we trust you with them, then obviously we are looking for our deeper selves and we need to feel safe with you and hence with our deepest (and sometimes darkest) thoughts. If you do this with us, we will always tell you what you want to know, and maybe some things you didn’t want to know.
The appeal of women who keep a man's secrets likely stems from factors related to intrigue, trust, and the benefits of secrecy. Intrigue and mystery can heighten attraction. A 2021 study concluded that keeping secrets can also be seen as a sign of trustworthiness, implying a willingness to protect the other person's privacy. Additionally, the effects of secrecy, like increased thinking and emotional reactivity, can intensify the attraction.
7. Straightforwardness
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We, men, are terrible at reading minds. Remember the actress who became famous playing the Jamaican psychic Miss Cleo, claiming to know callers’ futures in ubiquitous TV infomercials and commercials for the Psychic Readers Network during the 90s?
She used to end every commercial with the catchphrase “Call me now!” We are the worse at guessing what you need or require. It’s best if you tell us.
Now, after some time in the relationship, we may see certain things or circumstances wherein we can correctly gather in our minds what you require, but we are bad at being psychics. Don’t place that expectation or burden on us, it may make our heads explode. And please don’t read our minds or intentions, be decent enough to ask us.
As men, so many people assume so much about us that can be simply alleviated by just asking a question. You will learn far more about us as individuals if we avoid your question, or answer it openly.
8. Humility
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There is that old Bible parable where Jesus talks about the person who is without sin to cast the first stone when prominent men sought to execute a fallen woman.
We have all had challenges in our journey and it takes time to get to know people and so after the romance period has subsided you start to begin to look into the depth of who the person really is and you begin to dispel those previously romantic and sometimes childish notions.
Emotionally attractive people leave their egos at the door within the relationships where they reside. They realize that we all have idiosyncrasies that make us different and in fact, can sometimes be annoying. But if the individual that you have chosen has other qualities that appeal to you, that makes you love them even more, and that makes you a better person. Learning this part of the relationship dance is significant to growing yourself in any emotionally attractive relationship.
Understand that our differences make us who we are. Different is good; it teaches us tolerance, patience and to see the value in different ways of thinking. Emotionally attractive people embrace the differences and clearly understand that their way is not always necessarily the best way and they are willing to listen to opposite opinions and analyze why something else may actually make sense.
Research suggests that women are drawn to men who appreciate their efforts because it signals dependability, commitment, and a strong sense of connection, which are vital for long-term relationships. This appreciation can enhance feelings of attachment, deepen emotional bonds, and improve communication within a relationship.
I believe that a woman is emotionally attractive when she treats you exactly as she wishes to be treated. While no relationship is perfect, how we treat each other can be.
Everybody has their good days and their bad days and given the amount of effort that you want to put into the relationship you can withstand momentary lapses in behavior as long as they aren’t rude or intrusive and of course physical. It all depends on your tolerance for understanding others and the challenges that they may have faced in their personal lives.
If you feel that someone is worth it then clearly it’s worth the effort as long as you have made the determination that you are getting what you need out of it. Because if you’re not happy you should not be doing it.
Being emotionally attractive is being in a place of comfort with yourself and being self-assured. You have your own baggage in check. You pretty much know who you are and you’re comfortable in your own skin and you can be patient with the people that you care for, you can be patient with yourself most of all.
Being emotionally attractive can be summed up as leading by example give the person you desire what you want. If you improve upon yourself then you are able to respond and attract emotionally attractive people that you deserve to be with.
Franklin Madison is a former author, editor, and contributor to the Good Men Project.
