7 Things A Good Wife Won't Do In A Marriage With A Spouse She Loves
We all love our wives, even when they annoy us.
Ivandrei Pretorius | Canva You love that sweet, sweet girl of yours. You do. But sometimes you despite it when she comes home with yet another pair of shoes, even though the other 35 pairs lined up in the closet are in perfectly good shape. And it's so annoying when she insists on turning up the heat, even though you're burning up.
Stay strong, guys. Remain calm. You're not the only one who gets annoyed with the woman you so desperately love. Below, men reveal the things they think a good wife would never do in a marriage with a husband she loves oh-so-dearly.
Here are seven things a good wife won't do in a marriage with a spouse she loves:
1. Insisting upon my undivided attention 24/7
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"My wife has a tendency to continue talking even when I try explaining that I'm in the middle of something (like reading, watching TV, or working). She'll continue to make noise, play videos she finds on the Internet, talk to the cats, and say "OMG, Michael, look at this!"
I can't completely blame her — we do live in VERY tight quarters — but sometimes it's very hard to deal with. Most of the time, I rely on my ADD to tune her out."
— Michael, 30, married for almost 3 years
2. Being passive-aggressive about the fact that she's upset
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"My wife will oftentimes just act as though nothing's wrong when she's upset with me. She'll be quiet and go about her business while stewing.
Then I'll see that something is wrong, I'll ask, and she'll start the "No... nothing's wrong... well... there is this ONE thing..." and then we can finally get the issue resolved. It pushes my buttons because a) I'm usually oblivious to my mistakes and b) I'm a "bring it up and deal with it" person."
– Andrew, 29, married for 3+ years
When upset, the most effective way to respond to a spouse who exhibits passive-aggressive behavior is to address the underlying issue calmly and assertively, actively listen to their concerns, and encourage open communication. According to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, avoiding reactive behaviors like arguing back or ignoring the problem is crucial, and seeking couples therapy may be beneficial in navigating complex situations.
3. Overriding me in every conversation
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"My wife interrupts me in the middle of a conversation in order to say something totally unrelated to someone else in the room. Excuse me! I had the floor. I usually just keep my mouth shut, though sometimes I'll calmly point out that I was trying to share a story with those in attendance."
— Ben, 58, married for 31.5 years
4. Letting the clutter build to overwhelming proportions
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"My wife has a tendency to put things down, whatever she happens to be holding, on any open horizontal surface that's convenient. Piles of stuff just start spawning and growing and it drives me nuts. Eventually, I'll just gather a few of the piles and make a large pile of stuff to clear up some surface space."
— Dossy, 33, married for 10 years
Letting clutter build up in your living space can significantly increase stress levels, impair focus and decision-making, contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression, and even disrupt sleep patterns. Early research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people with different tolerance levels for mess can have arguments and a sense of disharmony in the shared living space.
5. Playing back-seat driver
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"When my wife is a passenger in the car and traffic is bad, or a large truck pulls up alongside us, she panics and voices her concern, acting as if the world will soon end. I tend to get frustrated by this and snap at her, telling her that her commentary is distracting and that I have things under control. This usually only starts an argument, so I wouldn't say that it's necessarily an effective way to deal."
— Peter, 58, married for 33 years
6. Trying to control my every move
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"My ex-girlfriend didn't understand the concept of individual identities. Whenever I traveled long-distance to visit my friends or did anything that didn't involve her, or that she had no control over, she'd get snippy.
I'd try to tell her she was being irrational but it would only make her more upset. After a while, I kept my mouth shut but, when things remain bottled up like that, peace can't be maintained indefinitely. In the end, we didn't last."
— Chris, 27, together for almost two years
When a woman attempts to control her husband's every move, it can significantly damage the relationship, leading to feelings of resentment, frustration, decreased intimacy, and potential conflict escalation. The husband often feels stifled, undervalued, and lacking autonomy in the partnership. However, a 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that this dynamic can occur in any relationship regardless of gender roles and should be examined within the context of the couple's specific power dynamics.
7. Refusing to believe me when I say everything is okay
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"My wife has a knack for asking me if I'm okay, or what's bothering me, when she thinks that I'm upset about something. In many cases, yes, there might actually have been some little, infinitesimally small thing nagging me, but other times I'm just zoning out for a second.
Regardless, without fail, this sets off a series of persistent follow-ups: "Come on, what's bugging you, I know something's wrong, why don't we talk about it?" — until, wouldn't you know it, now there IS something bugging me. I haven't really figured out a solution, and it's only made worse because she's not pushing my buttons so much as expressing her concern and trying to help me get out of a funk — horrible, I know."
— Dan, 29, married 1.5 years, together almost 11
When women pressure men to talk about their feelings, it can often lead to adverse outcomes like increased stress, resentment, and a decreased likelihood of open communication. This is primarily due to societal expectations of masculinity that discourage men from expressing vulnerability, potentially causing them to feel judged or emasculated when pressured to do so. However, a study published in the International Journal of Indian Psychology found that supportive and empathetic approaches can encourage healthier emotional expression in men.
Steph Auteri is a freelance writer and editor. She's been featured in Playgirl, Time Out New York, American Curves, New York Press, Nerve, and other publications.