6 Signs A Wife Is Not A Good Person From The Start, According To Relationship Experts

Good, bad, yes, no, hot, cold. Maybe it was Goldilocks, "Too hard, too soft, just right," who influenced us at an early age to see the world as binary. Yet, the world we perceive through our binary lens and the people who populate it cannot be divided into two halves. 

The paradox of human interactions is we are all one (human) as well as all unique based on our experiences, preferences, and how we neurologically process the input of our senses.

Asking, "Is she a good person?" might not be the best place to start questioning a new romance, whereas asking, "Is she a good person for me?" is probably a better place to start. 

Here are six signs a wife is not a good person from the start:

1. Your gut says, "Don't trust her"

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People aren't really all good or all bad. I think the better question to ask is, "What's a sign a wife is not going to be a good partner for me from the start?" The answer is to listen to your intuition.

• Do you dread spending time with her?
• Do you feel put down and criticized?
• Does she compare you to others?

Those are all signs this relationship is on a destructive trajectory, as shown by research from the University of Louisville.

— Jennifer Hargrave, The Compassionate Divorce Attorney & Owner of Hargrave Family Law

2. She treats other people unkindly

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People are very good at hiding their negative traits during the initial phases of courtship, so it can be extremely difficult to make a good choice of a life partner. Some negative traits are easier to hide than others.

Watch how she treats you, and in addition, observe how others, such as friends, relatives, and service people, are treated. Research published in Psychology Press helps explain how a person who consistently behaves selfishly from the get-go is probably someone who is best avoided.

— Aline Zoldbrod, Psychologist and Author

RELATED: The 4-Question Test That Reveals Whether You Can Truly Trust Someone

3. She chronically lies or fibs to people

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You may brush it off and think she has good reason to lie to some people. But many people have a hard time breaking that pattern, especially when it's their normal, as suggested by research in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. That means one day, she will lie to you.

So, think deeply about someone who is a chronic liar. She manipulates people with lies to get the results she wants instead of accepting accountability for her actions. It also means she is more than likely to lie to you about cheating, overspending, and other relationship-destroying behaviors.

— Aline Zoldbrod, Psychologist and Author

4. It's her way or the highway

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Does she frequently override your wishes or demean your point of view? Does she sulk, blow up, or withdraw when you don't concede to her wishes?

If she believes her feelings matter more than yours, you will end up walking on eggshells around her and ultimately lose your sense of self in the relationship, as explored by research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

— Aline Zoldbrod, Psychologist and Author

RELATED: 5 Ways To Reconnect With Your Truest, Most Authentic Self When Everything Feels Off

5. She frequently mocks other people or judges them harshly

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It may not bother you at first, but if she's hypercritical of others, one day, she may turn those harsh judgments on you.

If she makes cutting comments about you, then gaslights you or tells you not to be "so sensitive," it means she needs to put other people down to feel better about herself. Research in the Behavior Therapy Journal helps explain how this is a type of emotional abuse and will only get worse with time.

— Aline Zoldbrod, Psychologist and Author

6. She plays dumb

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This is a very bad move on so many levels. At best, you’re boosting the ego of a guy who is too insecure to handle your true smart self. While one study published in the Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin found men like smart women, they're also a little intimidated by them.

Find men who aren't intimidated. You’re making yourself look purposely less intelligent in front of a smart man who will lose interest in you because of the put-upon way you’re acting. Being smart is a plus.

— Ossiana Tepfenhart, Author

Good person, bad person, or all the people who are in between. We can accept the positive and the negative in ourselves, so seeking the same acceptance from our partners should be as easy.

When we stop defining our world in terms of binaries and accept the full range of diverse experiences and the people who embody them, we are much better aligned with ourselves to find a romantic partner who is a good fit.

RELATED: How Men And Women's Brains Fall In Love Completely Differently, According To Psychology

Will Curtis is a writer and editor for YourTango. He's been featured on the Good Men Project and taught English abroad for ten years.