10 Common Habits Of Amazing Women Who Always Seem To Scare Good Men Away
They don't realize the signals they're sending.
George Dagerotip | Unsplash In relationships, women can push people away without even realizing it. This can be fine as a protective strategy but can backfire when it's someone they wish they could draw closer. As it turns out, plenty of amazing women who always seem to scare good men away — without even realizing it.
If this feels familiar, you can make small, meaningful changes without compromising who you are. Many situations can scare guys away, and you have to decide if you’re causing him anxiety or if he’s dealing with issues of his own. If it's him, try to pinpoint why you're scaring him away and figure out if it's worth it (and healthy) for you to make some changes.
10 common habits of the amazing women who scare good men away
1. They mention marriage any moment they can
Sure, things are going well for you and your guy, but you are pushing him to the edge with your marriage talk. He just got comfortable with the idea of you two being a solid, committed pair, and now, no matter what you two are doing, marriage is part of every conversation.
Emails with wedding ring images. Pinterest boards on weddings you just “happen” to send him links to. Pointing out couples that are engaged. You don’t even have regular conversations anymore. You’re making him panic hardcore.
2. They never let him reach out
You are the one to initiate every move and you’re not giving him the chance to let him chase you or make plans. Even if you’re not needy, it scares guys away and makes them think you’re going to suffocate them.
It’s easy to be enthusiastic about someone you like. Just back off and let him do some of the driving. Most men like to pursue.
3. They are amazing and he's terrified
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You are amazing. He’s drawn to you. You guys get along. You’re the perfect couple except for one tiny detail. He backs away or is reluctant to commit. He seems hot and cold — and that’s because he is. You’ve done nothing wrong, he’s just terrified, hiding something, or is afraid to get hurt. He’s panicked.
You’re so good that in his head, it's too good to be true. What do you do? Nothing. You do nothing. You keep on living. If he loves you, he’ll get himself together and won’t chance to lose you. He’ll resolve his issues and prioritize your relationship. If he doesn’t come around, then he wasn’t so great after all.
A real honest man would never lose someone he cared about, but he would lose someone who was not a priority. He would lose someone he saw as superficially involved in his life.
4. They are so independent they don't need him
You can do everything yourself. That’s great, but he wonders where he fits in. He wonders how and if you need him, and he wants to be needed. He panics over the state of your love.
He wonders if you have everything so together there's not much room for him. This is based on his insecurities and not yours, as shown by a study in the Journal of Family Theory & Review. But letting him know that you want him and he matters would help.
5. They challenge his beliefs
Most people are intimidated by anyone who questions his or her beliefs, and a man you're dating is no different. If you are the type of woman who will ask him to qualify how he feels and why, he'll be impressed and possibly intimidated.
The fact you are so confident and able to ask questions on his principles tells him you're a forceful and amazing woman and you might just change how he thinks.
6. They ask for what they want
You should tell a man what you want, but sometimes, he can't handle it. Sometimes it is your fault. Putting pressure on a relationship too soon can make him run for the hills. But on the other hand, if you ask for what you want and he gets scared, he might just be immature or unsure of himself.
The reality is most people act on their self-esteem. If he's unsure and frightened about committing to you, he's unsure and frightened about himself and the world around him, as suggested by research in Evolutionary Psychological Science.
His anxiety is linked to him and not always you. Yes, you might be putting on the heavy. If that's the case, assess and pull back.
But don't hold off too much. Be honest about your needs and spell it out. If he's a good man, he'll appreciate this despite being in awe of your assertion.
7. They are a flirt
You're charming and people love you. You flirt with everyone, even though you're loyal. A wallflower or insecure man is going to be threatened by this. He's going to think you don't find him special.
Life coach Lisa Petsinis explained, "Most men's fears are imagined and unfounded. Sadly, their flawed mindset and limiting beliefs are potentially keeping them from entering into a relationship or connecting deeply with their partners and enjoying their lives more fully. And by keeping these fears bottled in, they are crippling themselves and their relationships, too. They assume women judge men for these insecurities. It's not surprising that they sometimes allow their insecurities to manifest in unproductive ways such as indecisiveness, jealousy, controlling behavior — even withdrawal."
I have had quite a few men be threatened by my social nature. It's truly their problem, but if you like someone and he doesn't understand that you're just a gregarious woman, you may want to make it a point to give him extra attention.
8. They are flighty
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If you find yourself coming in and out of people's lives because you get distracted but don't intentionally do it to be hurtful, you're flighty. Flighty people don't commit too much because they're easily distracted and not organized.
A man could panic over this flightiness and view it as you being an unstable partner. This could make him reluctant to commit and scare him away.
9. They don't give him space
Do you let him see friends or do you comment negatively? Do you get all up in his space when out in public? Does he never have a "guys" night? Are you possessive and a bit jealous? You scare guys away.
You need to back off and figure out why you're so insecure. You need to understand why you don't give him space. Is it your insecurities and self-esteem, or do you not trust him?
10. They are critical of him or his friends
If you're constantly finding ways to fix him and make him different, he's already feeling rejected. He can't possibly commit to someone who is scrutinizing his life so harshly.
You may not even realize it. You may think you're offering him improvements and you may think he's great, but your criticisms make him feel less than. And if it's not him but his friends you're critiquing, he may just feel you're judgmental.
Look, his friends may be juvenile or not the best influences, but you'll have to earn his trust first before you dive into tough territory like his buds. Of course, your potential guy also needs improvements just like you do, but if you start the relationship with a laundry list of "to-do's," he's bound to back away.
Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, parenting, and marriage for YourTango, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Working Mother, and Pop Sugar.