Psychology Says If Someone Has These 6 Core Beliefs About Themselves, They Can Attract Anyone
How to believe in yourself as worthy so the right person comes along.
Ridofranz | Canva If you search "fake it till you make it" on the internet, you'll find a limitless number of articles about how this strategy works. But, regardless of these claims, you won't increase your self-confidence by "faking it." Why? Because when you "fake it" you're not being true to yourself and who you are. And deep down you know that you're an imposter, which is uncomfortable and awkward.
And it's obvious to everyone, especially to yourself, which then leads to less confidence, not more. If you look closely at those who claim that they've successfully used the "fake it till you make it" strategy, you'll find that they're not faking anything. Instead, they're doing something else. There are six core beliefs confident people believe about themselves that attract others to them.
If someone has these core beliefs about themselves, they can attract anyone:
1. You understand who you are and what you want
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Confident people (and those who radiate confidence) have clarity about who they are and what they want. And they allow this to guide their actions. Which, when you think about it, is brilliant.
This mindset helps them focus on what they want to achieve and how to get there. So, instead of obsessing over how far they must go and what skills they lack, they're focused on problem-solving and forward momentum.
This reduces stress and worries about whether they're capable of ever getting where they want to go and naturally increases self-confidence.
2. You prepare yourself, yet don't require perfection
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Being prepared increases confidence. And people who exude confidence place importance on preparation. They're focused on how to achieve what they want and the process of getting there, so they understand that they must be prepared.
They think through any roadblocks that could come up and they're ready for questions. And then, they let go. Their goal is to be reasonably prepared — not perfect.
Preparing yourself thoroughly for a situation significantly boosts self-confidence. Being prepared is often associated with competence and reduces anxiety, leading to a more confident outward demeanor.
Research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology showed that individuals who undergo preparedness training often report higher levels of self-assurance in their abilities to handle challenging situations.
3. You understand that failure means growth
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Confident people are real about what it means to take risks and fail. They accept that they may not get the outcome they want.
They understand that learning means growth and that growth eventually leads to success. So, they endeavor to learn everything they can from their experiences (including mistakes and missteps).
They don't see failure the same way the rest of the world sees it. In their mind, they haven't failed so long as they're learning and growing. This is a bit of a Jedi mind trick, but it works.
4. You admit that you're human
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Confident people acknowledge that they're human and aren't perfect. They identify their strengths and learn to leverage them in the projects they undertake.
And they don't forget their weaknesses. Instead, they plan around them and get help when needed. This allows them to focus on what they do well and delegate what they don't do well to others. And it helps them to achieve their goals (which, of course, increases their confidence).
Acknowledging your flaws and vulnerabilities while accepting yourself fully can significantly boost self-confidence. A 2019 study concluded it promotes self-compassion and reduces the pressure to maintain a perfect image, which aligns with the concept of self-acceptance within positive psychology.
5. You operate from a curious mindset
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Confident people are curious about whether they'll succeed, how they'll get there, and what they'll learn in the process. Because of this curiosity, they're too focused on the process to worry much about how others view them.
This doesn't mean that they don't have fears or bouts of nervousness. But they don't let their fears stop them. Their curiosity drives them past those fears as to whether and how they'll succeed.
6. You understand psychology and use it to your advantage
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Confident people recognize that body language (including having a power pose, making eye contact, and smiling), dressing for success, and having a positive mindset positively affect mood and increase confidence.
So, when giving a speech or presentation, confident people use a power pose, smile, make eye contact, and dress in a way that makes them feel powerful. They tell themselves that they'll be fine regardless of what happens (which is true, by the way).
All of this enhances their ability to perform, further increasing their confidence. This is where the "fake it till you make it" crowd tends to go when telling people how to increase self-confidence. But, given the scientific evidence, there's nothing fake about it.
Confident people realize that these techniques work best when used in combination with the other strategies described above. They use them all.
Understanding cognitive processes like self-talk, attributing success to internal factors, setting achievable goals, practicing positive visualization, and actively challenging negative self-beliefs can boost self-confidence. Research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that this involves essentially using psychological principles to reframe one's perception of one's abilities and build a more positive self-image. This can lead to improved performance and a greater sense of personal agency in various situations.
And so can you. Instead of continuing to "fake it till you make it", try adopting the strategies above. You'll still get nervous and have fears.
But these strategies will help you push past your fears and take action. And increase your confidence along the way — for real and without ever having to fake it.
Heather Moulder is a career and life coach and founder of Course Correction Coaching. She specializes in helping professional women have both a successful career and happy home life with real work-life balance.