Psychologists Reveal That Couples With Really Good Relationships Always Do These 8 Things
People who keep their relationship solid, together and apart, share these traits.
Ila Bappa Ibrahim | Canva Even though relationships can be tricky, they’re often inherently worth it, especially the good ones. Remember that every romantic relationship is unique, and people come together for many reasons. All relationships experience ups and downs and require work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change with your partner.
But whether your relationship is just starting or you’ve been together for years, you can take steps to build and maintain a healthy relationship, and the people who are really good at relationships know this first-hand. The following tips from multiple psychologists well-versed in complex relationship dynamics can help preserve and keep your relationship healthy and thriving.
People who are good at relationships always do these things, according to psychologists:
1. Have a life outside of each other
It’s so tempting to spend your visits with only each other but carve out some time to hang out with other people, too. “Having shared social networks strengthens a couple’s commitment,” says Dana Weiser, Ph.D., associate professor of human development and family studies at Texas Tech University.
Make it a priority to tear yourselves away from the comfort of your home and go out for drinks with the crew next time they’re in town. Of course, those weekends where it’s only the two of you are necessary, too.
2. Invest in unexpected gestures
Yuri A / Shutterstock
“Unexpected gestures like sending flowers and gifts or making surprise visits go a long way towards assuring one’s partner of the love and commitment necessary to maintain any relationship, but particularly an LDR,” Franklin Porter, Ph.D., a therapist in New York City.
3. Text with care
The ability to text at any time of day is huge for couples tackling distance. But choose your text conversations carefully.
“Text communication, especially in the prolonged absence of a partner, can be fraught with misunderstandings,” says Porter. “It should be avoided when discussing any issues that may arise.” If you have something serious to talk about, pick up the phone.
4. Offer undivided attention when you interact
“There’s plenty to distract us from good listening, such as the temptation to check email or scan social media while on the phone,” Andy Merolla, Ph.D. “These seemingly small distractions can become significant over time because they make conversations less enjoyable.”
If you're in a long-distance relationship, a lackluster phone call can feel worse than no call at all. “Long-distance relationships [can be] healthy and stable, just like relationships in which partners live nearby,” says Weiser. “The relationship type just poses different challenges and possesses different strengths.”
5. Create a shared routine
If time zones permit, commit to watching Game of Thrones together every week. You can even Skype during the episode so it feels like you’re watching in the same room. If timing throws a major wrench into things, start a long-distance book club, cook the same recipe for dinner, or listen to the same podcast on your commute.
“These shared experiences can provide topics to talk about other than just daily recaps of each other’s days,” says Merolla.
6. Be intimate, even on the phone
There’s the obvious reason: it’s hot. But there’s also a deeper, more compelling one to give it a try: when all you have is your voice, you have to speak up about what you’re into. All that honest communication can make your intimate life a world of good, says Weiser.
7. Set clear expectations and boundaries
simona pilolla 2 / Shutterstock
This is important in any relationship, but it becomes especially crucial when you throw distance into the equation. There’s a fine line between wanting to be looped in on your lover’s life and being controlling.
“If a partner is setting rules that inhibit your social life, then that is an unreasonable and troubling request,” says Weiser. Make sure you’re both on the same page about what’s okay and what isn’t, and if anything makes you uncomfortable, speak up.
8. Appreciate the little things about each other
Sometimes all you want is to hold your partner’s hand. Forget being intimate, you’d kill for a good hug. “Since you do not have everyday access to your partner when you can be intimate, the physical activities can take on a different level of excitement,” says Weiser.
One way to ensure you don’t forget small moments of sweetness is by writing them down after a visit ends. Until you two move to the same city, you’ll have a physical list of why the relationship is so worth it.
Macaela MacKenzie is a journalist freelance writer, and editor. She's the author of Money, Power, Respect: How Women in Sports Are Shaping the Future of Feminism.