These 4 Behaviors Make It Clear A Man Doesn’t Actually Want You, According To Research
He's too scared to tell you he doesn't want to be involved with you seriously.
Michael Proctor | Unsplash By Dr. Seth Meyers
A man telling you that he is looking for a relationship isn’t the same thing as really and truly wanting one. Anyone can utter the right words, but words often aren’t matched by behavior.
At the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter what your date says about wanting a relationship; what matters is their behavior. If the relationship is going to work, that individual is going to keep their word about plans, be honest with you, and make an ongoing commitment to spend time with you.
Sadly, these men don’t have enough self-awareness to know how hesitant they are about settling down and committing. They go through the motions, feeling unhappy and unsatisfied, but don’t know why.
These 4 behaviors make it clear a man doesn’t actually want you, according to research:
1. He says he will call on a certain day but the call never comes when promised
This behavior is one of the most telling signs that you have met someone who either doesn’t want a committed relationship with anyone or doesn’t want one with you. Which case applies to your situation doesn’t matter because, either way, you’re not going to have a successful relationship with this person. (Reality check: time to set your sights on someone else).
If someone has met you and feels like you might be good relationship material, he ought to seize that opportunity by reaching out to you and keeping promises about contacting you when he said he would.
2. He resists kissing or other physical play
New Africa / Shutterstock
Perhaps the man you are seeing acts as if he likes you and says all the right things, but if he resists touching you or having any kind of physical contact with you, he probably isn’t interested in having an actual relationship with you.
While avoiding kissing can sometimes indicate a lack of interest in a romantic relationship, it's not always a definite sign. Research suggests that it could be due to various factors, including fears of intimacy, a dislike of kissing, or even cultural differences in expressing affection. Considering individual differences and relationship dynamics before assuming the worst is essential.
3. He seems to prefer hanging out with his group of friends rather than hanging out alone with you
When a man is ready to have a relationship, he will also be willing to give up a part of his previous social life with his friends.
Caveat: I am not suggesting that a person should stop seeing their friends when they find a relationship, but I am saying that a relationship isn’t usually going to work if the person you want to settle down with prefers to spend Saturday nights with their friends and then have a mimosa-filled brunch the next morning with the same group.
While specific research does not definitively state that a preference for group hangouts over one-on-one time is a guaranteed sign of disinterest in a romantic relationship, it can certainly be a red flag to consider. A person's consistent preference for group settings might indicate various factors, including a desire for social validation, avoidance of vulnerability, or simply a different relational style.
4. He acts nervous or hesitates when you talk about future things you could do together
fizkes / Shutterstock
Too much talk early in dating about the future — “We have to do this together; we have to do that” — isn’t healthy because you shouldn’t force a relationship, but some future talk is natural. In the first few weeks of dating, it’s perfectly normal to suggest one or two things you would like to do together in the future.
But if you suggest something and they look nervous or hesitate, it’s a sign that this person feels anxious about the idea of you expecting things from them. Be careful, because these men often feel nervous and conflicted about settling down, and they often have a dysfunctional default pattern where they feel trapped easily.
A man's reluctance to discuss the future may stem from various reasons, including uncertainty about the relationship, fears of commitment, or simply a desire to take things as they come. A study on adult attachment styles found that it could also indicate mismatched goals, where one partner focuses more on a long-term commitment than the other.
How to tell the difference between someone who wants a relationship and someone who doesn’t? Someone who wants a relationship is straightforward about wanting to get to know you; he calls when he says he will; he makes plans and keeps them; he introduces you to family or good friends, and he is physically affectionate.
Someone who doesn’t truly want a relationship gets nervous when talking about the future; they say one thing but then do something that contradicts that; they put off making plans; they resist spending alone time where the two of you could be physically affectionate; and they either have a past relationship that still haunts them or they aren’t sure they really want to settle down at this point in their life.
As you get to know someone, trust your instincts and you will see the signs about whether your date wants a relationship or doesn’t as long as you pay close attention to the behavior — not their words.
Dr. Seth Meyers is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and TV guest expert. He treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He is the author of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve.
