12 Subtle Signs Of A Man Who Is A Time-Wasting Clown, According To Research
He's all charm, no follow-through.
Ben Wicks | Unsplash I have long had the issue of believing that my relationships were a lot more serious than they were. It was a problem I had with “friends,” boyfriends, acquaintances, and more. Part of this issue, if I’m being honest, was because I never actually had real friends growing up and didn’t know what real relationships, or even friendships, were like.
This led to me putting a lot more weight and effort into relationships than others did. I also expected way more commitment from others, just because I thought they liked me that much. Over the years, I realized that a lot of the people I expected to walk me down the aisle weren’t interested in anything more than being a time-wasting clown.
Here are subtle signs of a man who is a time-wasting clown:
1. You haven’t met his family, or if you have, it was for a very brief moment
Most guys who keep around girls they’re not serious about will do whatever they can to avoid the girls meeting their families. The reason why is that they don’t want parents asking questions about the “new girl.”
Doing this allows them to transition from “taken” to “single” without having parents and others noticing. Additionally, lots of guys also know that refusing to let you and his family mingle sends the message that he’s not serious.
2. You can't get him to commit to the 'boyfriend' label
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From personal experience, I’ve learned that the harder you have to fight for him to call you a girlfriend, the less serious the relationship will end up being. Guys, when serious about a woman, will do what they can to commit. He’s not serious if you had to fight for the label of “girlfriend,” even if you have been dating for years.
3. You are consistently excluded from his life plans
Guys and girls are both the same in the sense that they tend to think long-term when they are in a long-term relationship. If they are not talking about the future with you, it’s because they aren’t serious about having a future that includes you in it.
Suppose a man consistently excludes you from his life plans and makes you feel like your time is wasted. In that case, it's essential to prioritize your well-being and communicate your needs clearly, potentially leading to a discussion about the relationship's future or a necessary exit. A 2017 study recommended assessing whether the relationship meets your needs and is worth investing further if your partner is unwilling to change or commit to a shared future.
4. You’ve been together for years, but he still doesn’t let you keep much stuff around his place
Most guys, when they’re serious, will be pretty happy to see you have some kind of “roots” in his life, including the toothbrush in the sink. If you can’t get him to even let you keep a change of clothes nearby, it’s not boding well.
5. You talk about marriage, he replies with an excuse or shuts it down immediately
This was the one that broke my heart when it happened to me. It burns hearing the guy you think will be your husband ask you, “Why do you want to put a contract on things? We’re fine as is.”
Unfortunately, when he says this to you after a year or so of dating, it’s one of the clear signs he doesn't take your relationship seriously and that you should probably leave him to find someone who will be more serious with you.
6. You’ve been with him for six months or more, but he won't commit
Scarily, some girls legit think this is okay, and that eventually “he’ll settle down” with them. This is not true. If he’s still seeing and dating other girls months after the two of you have started down that path, he’s not serious about a relationship with you.
A 2023 study explained that men who engage in casual relationships or seek multiple partners may be driven by factors like emotional validation, a desire for intimate variety, or a fear of commitment, potentially stemming from past experiences or personality traits. Some men may rationalize their behavior by claiming they are not ready for a serious relationship or simply 'looking for fun,' which can be a way to avoid facing their underlying issues.
7. You’re never his plus-one at parties
Sometime around the age of 25, parties stop being individual things and start being things couples are expected to do together. If he’s not bringing you to parties that he’s invited to, he’s not serious about being with you.
8. You often get the feeling that it’s all about him
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A relationship needs two people to work. If you don’t feel like he cares about you, pays attention to you, or even sees you as a legitimate partner, it’s a sign that the relationship will not be any more serious than it already is.
Feeling someone doesn't care can stem from various factors, including social rejection, perceived lack of empathy, and unmet relational needs. A 2020 review found that it can manifest as emotional distress and anxiety and even impact physical well-being.
9. Your relationship is the one topic of conversation that he consistently deflects
Sometimes, the best indicator isn’t one that happens when he’s talking to you, but when he’s talking to others. If you notice that he never really talks to others about feeling ready to propose, then it might be that he just doesn’t want to do it.
10. You feel like you're in a high school romance
You know how dating never really “feels” serious in high school, or how there’s that unspoken vibe of it just being a temporary thing? If you get that same feeling, likely, your long-term relationship is not that much more serious than the football jock and the cheerleader’s fling.
11. You’ve caught him scoping out other women
Yes, you might be his right now, but if he’s still trying to chat up others behind your back, he’s not serious about you. Men who do this are literally “hedging their bets” and using you as a placeholder.
While checking out other people is a typical human behavior, a partner's perceived interest in others can lead to anger and relationship issues, even if the perception is inaccurate. According to a 2018 study, open communication and addressing underlying problems are crucial for healthy relationships.
12. You don’t feel like he’s invested in making your relationship work
A serious guy will put in the effort to fix the relationship or just make the relationship good. If you regularly find yourself being the one who does all the planning, talking, romancing, and emotional labor, then he’s not serious about you. Rather, you’re serious about him, and he’s just okay with being along for the ride.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.