11 Annoying Habits Of Men Who Were Raised By Incompetent Parents
When emotional immaturity starts at home, it doesn’t just disappear in adulthood.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Some men grow into kind, self-aware partners, even if they didn’t get the best start. Others, unfortunately, carry certain habits from childhood that make relationships harder than they need to be. When incompetent parents don’t model basic accountability, emotional regulation, or how to respect boundaries, their sons often end up navigating adulthood without the tools they need to function well with others. This doesn’t mean they’re bad people. But it does mean the people around them often end up doing extra work to keep things steady.
1. Blaming everyone but themselves when things go wrong
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Instead of taking responsibility, these men often default to finding someone else to blaming partners, coworkers, and even traffic. It’s a defense mechanism that usually started in childhood when no one taught them how to admit their mistakes without shame. Psychologists call this externalizing blame, and it's more common in people who lacked secure attachments early on.
The problem is that blaming keeps them stuck. They don’t learn from their choices or grow from failure, because it’s always someone else’s fault. For people close to them, this habit gets exhausting fast. Every disagreement turns into a courtroom, and they never seem to lose the case.
2. Needing constant praise for basic tasks
Whether it’s doing the dishes or showing up on time, they expect a round of applause for being mildly functional. This often traces back to parents who either over-praised every small effort or neglected to set real expectations altogether. Over time, they learned that doing the bare minimum makes them exceptional, or that any positive feedback has to be earned with showmanship.
As adults, they crave validation for things that should just be part of being a decent human. It’s not about appreciation. It’s about needing approval to feel worthy. That pressure gets old, especially in relationships where emotional equality matters. Instead of being a team, it feels like raising another child.
3. Avoiding any real conflict
These are the guys who shut down, walk away, or pretend nothing’s wrong when things get tense. They often grew up in households where conflict was either explosive or ignored, so they never learned how to have hard conversations without panic. Avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear, it just delays resolution and builds resentment.
Instead of addressing issues head-on, these men dodge accountability with silence or deflection. Their partners end up holding all the emotional tension while they retreat into discomfort. Over time, this avoidance can feel more damaging than the original problem.
4. Expecting others to manage their emotions
They don’t regulate their feelings; they outsource them. When they’re sad, someone has to cheer them up. When they’re angry, someone else must calm them down. This often stems from parents who never taught their children how to understand their emotions or modeled how to sit with discomfort.
In adulthood, this leads to relationships where emotional support is one-sided. Instead of showing up with awareness and empathy, they show up with needs and leave the heavy lifting to someone else. Emotional dependency like this can create long-term strain in romantic partnerships. It's draining to constantly absorb someone else’s moods while managing your own.
5. Refusing to do unseen work
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They’ll take the trash out if asked, but they won’t notice it’s full on their own. They avoid tasks that aren’t visible, praised, or obvious. This is often learned in homes where chores were either gendered or ignored completely. Nobody taught them how to anticipate needs or share the mental load.
In relationships, this shows up as laziness, but it’s often more about a lack of awareness and accountability. The burden of managing everything falls on their partner. This kind of uneven labor is a major contributor to burnout in long-term relationships. Most people want a teammate, not another dependent.
6. Turning every conversation into a joke
Humor can be charming, but when it’s used to avoid seriousness, it becomes a defense mechanism. Many men raised in emotionally chaotic or neglectful households learned to rely on jokes to deflect tension or vulnerability.
Humor is a common coping strategy, but it can mask deeper avoidance patterns. When every tough moment is turned into a punchline, real emotional connection gets lost. These men often don’t know how to sit in discomfort without trying to lighten it. But while it may look like levity, it often feels like dismissal to the person on the other end.
7. Assuming others will always pick up the slack
Whether it’s finances, scheduling, or emotional support, men who were raised by incompetent parents operate with the unspoken belief that someone else will take care of it. That mindset often comes from households where responsibilities weren’t clearly taught, or where someone else always cleaned up their messes.
As adults, they don’t plan ahead, don’t follow through, and expect their partners to handle the fallout. It’s not about ability. It’s about not being used to carrying their weight. Over time, that lack of ownership breeds resentment and imbalance. Relationships work best when both people know how to show up consistently.
8. Panicking at the first sign of criticism
Men who were raised by overly critical or emotionally inconsistent parents often struggle with self-worth and take correction as rejection. Even mild feedback can feel like a personal attack.
People with unstable early attachments are more sensitive to perceived disapproval. As a result, these men get defensive or shut down instead of listening. This makes honest communication harder than it should be. People close to them often have to choose between silence or sugarcoating, and neither leads to growth.
9. Needing to win every argument
Many men who were raised by incompetent parents can’t let things go, even when they’re clearly wrong. These men often learned early on that being right was the only way to feel safe or respected. That habit of always needing the last word sticks, especially when it was modeled at home.
In relationships, that mindset turns every disagreement into a power struggle. Partners feel dismissed instead of heard. Healthy connection requires give and take, not a courtroom dynamic where one person always has to win. Over time, it starts to feel less like a relationship and more like a debate club.
10. Acting like being emotionally available is a bonus
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They show up emotionally every once in a while and expect extra credit for it. Men who didn’t grow up in emotionally open homes often see vulnerability as optional or special, not something that should be regular and mutual.
Real connection requires consistency, not just rare moments of openness. Their partners end up doing most of the emotional heavy lifting while waiting for scraps of sincerity. That imbalance makes it hard to build long-term trust. Being emotionally present isn’t extra, it’s basic.
11. Struggling with basic empathy
It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they don’t think to ask. They’ve never been taught to check in, notice subtle shifts in mood, or imagine how someone else might feel.
Empathy is largely shaped in childhood and modeled by caregivers. Without that foundation, it’s hard to build deep relationships. These men may seem cold or detached, but they’re often just unequipped. The result is partners who feel alone in their experiences, even in the relationship. Empathy isn’t just a trait, it’s a skill, and like any skill, it has to be learned.
Sloane Bradshaw is a writer and essayist who frequently contributes to YourTango.
