Woman Urges Moms To Seek Support From Their Husbands Instead Of Relying On Their Child-Free Friends
"We are not your emotional dumping grounds."
Aleksandra Suzi | Shutterstock A child-free woman has a message for mothers who seem to want help from their friends for a problem that they didn’t even create — all while ignoring the other half of said problem. In a nutshell, she wants moms to know their child-free friends should not be their first choice when they need help with the kids. They should be turning to the children's fathers instead.
She encouraged moms to demand more from dads who get the parent title without doing any of the actual work.
A woman urged mothers to seek help from their children’s fathers instead of relying on their child-free friends.
Angela Gentile, an outspoken member of the childfree by choice community on social media, shared her opinions after receiving a comment from a mom claiming that they needed “support” from child-free women. “You cannot be serious with that comment,” Gentile said, addressing the commenter in a TikTok video.
“Let me see if I understand this correctly. You want us to use our free time that we've allowed ourselves by the choices we've made to support you and do the emotional labor for you because you're too busy doing it for the men in your life who won't give it back to you?” she asked.
The woman argued that men should not be allowed to skirt their duties as parents simply because of their gender.
According to Gentile, mothers who need support are seeking it from the wrong people when they lean on their child-free friends. Even though they may be fighting against the “same patriarchy,” they should not be obligated to lend a helping hand to their mom friends.
Gentile also pointed out that just because a woman doesn't have children doesn't mean that she isn't struggling to juggle her own life and responsibilities. “So, asking us to cover your back? Dude, we don't even have it to give to ourselves, let alone somebody else,” she said. A child-free woman may be overwhelmed with work, struggling to maintain a steady routine, or may even be a caretaker to other people in her life who need her.
Ultimately, Gentile's argument was simple. Overwhelmed moms should turn to the person who committed to parenting with them before turning to their friends who actively chose not to have children at all.
When they do have downtime, the woman said that child-free women should be allowed to indulge based on their life choices.
So rather than depend on child-free friends for help, confusing their free time with their availability, Gentile encouraged moms to demand help from the children’s fathers, who should already be helping without having to be asked. “Actually start changing their view of their lived experience in the world so that they can show up better for the women that they impregnate and have families with,” Gentile insisted.
She also noted that support isn’t exclusive to just physically helping out with the kids. “Child-free people are not emotional dumping grounds,” she shared in a follow-up video.
“Child-free people are not required to be anyone’s personal therapist. They have therapists for a reason!”
The woman asserted that it is time for dads to pick up the slack and actually help parent the humans they created.
Gentile raised an important point. Even 63% of fathers admit that they don’t spend that much time with their children, per Pew Research Center. They have a variety of excuses, from working long hours to going to the gym and even sleeping in when they can.
Moms are far more likely to take on parenting responsibilities and spend quality time with their children, leading to a greater chance of parental burnout and exhaustion. This is a crucial reason why a growing number of women are foregoing children and even choosing to stay single.
While child-free women are certainly not obligated to swoop in and help their mom friends, this doesn’t mean that they won't. Even if they are childfree by choice, they still may enjoy spending time with their friend’s children or their nieces and nephews and don’t mind helping out every once in a while without the actual parenting responsibility.
Lopolo | Shutterstock
It takes a village to raise children. However, the village needs to be willing and in the right headspace in order to do so. And it should certainly consist of the support of fathers!
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.