Mom Has A 'Painful Realization' That She Could Be Living Her Child-Free Friend's Life If She Did Not Get Married & Have Kids —'I Miss My Freedom'
Many parents share the same feelings as her.
Tatyana Dzemileva / Shutterstock A woman’s extremely candid take on motherhood and marriage is most likely how most married mothers feel — but they can never say it aloud without being judged.
After settling into her new normal, the mother admitted to feeling envious of her childfree friend, who always seemed to have the perfect life.
The woman had a ‘painful realization’ that she envied her child-free friend's life.
Sharing her vulnerability on the subreddit r/regretfulparents, the woman revealed that one of her best friends, whom she referred to as “Maria,” opted not to have children.
The woman was thrust into an opposite life path after she unexpectedly got pregnant.
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“I regret it every day,” the woman admitted. “I have a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, and everything is hell. I try and put on a brave face, but every day, I wish I was Maria.”
According to the woman, Maria is living the dream.
“She travels. She sleeps in. She's always getting her nails hair and lashes done. She's retraining to get a different career because she hated her field,” she wrote.
“She travels abroad annually, sometimes even more than once a year. She has a maid who keeps her city apartment nice and clean.”
Meanwhile, the woman confessed that she is living her worst nightmare and she hates everything about parenthood.
“I even regret my husband because he promised to be an equal parent, but I've been doing almost ALL of it,” she shared. “I hate my career but am stuck because of the kids. I don't find this fulfilling at all, and am on Zoloft for PPD [Postpartum Depression], but it's not helping.”
While the woman said that she loves her children dearly, she is not a fan of motherhood and deeply regrets jumping into it in the first place.
“I'm sick of meltdowns, fights over iPads and putting on shoes, cleaning, and living in the suburbs to have enough space for them,” she wrote. “I feel like I was sold a lie.”
Recently, she has been especially resentful of Maria after learning that she would be traveling to see one of their favorite bands in concert.
The woman cannot go as she is tied down to her marriage and motherhood responsibilities.
“I just want to cry. I'm so jealous of her and her freedom, and what's worse is that I had it and gave it up for these kids that just take take take take everything and leave me with nothing,” she vented.
“Why did I do this? Why did I throw my freedom away? I would give anything to have it back. And what's worse is that if I tell anyone, they'll remind me I wanted this.”
However, most people who read the woman’s story were not so quick to remind her that this was the life she signed up for. In fact, they praised her for her vulnerability and resonated with her frustration.
Most people agreed that marriage and parenthood stripped so many parents of the freedoms they took for granted before.
“I’m a father and regret having kids. I never wanted kids, but my girl did. I agreed just to make her happy. I love my kids, but if I could do it over again, I wouldn’t,” one TikTok user commented.
“Even with a partner, kids are basically shackles for all parents,” another user wrote.
“These conversations are so important and not discussed enough. Thank you for posting,” another user shared.
Single child-free people expressed the satisfaction and happiness they have in their own lives.
“My husband and I are childfree. First-time homeowners, traveling abroad every year, spontaneously going out to concerts, ball games, etc. Best decision we’ve ever made,” one commenter shared.
Another user wrote, “I'm so grateful my mother and grandmother kept it real and told me to opt-out.”
Having regrets about parenthood is not entirely uncommon.
A 2023 study concluded that 5% to 14% of American parents regretted their decision to have children.
Their regret stemmed from a lack of financial resources necessary to raise a child, a lack of free time, the anxiety that comes with parenting, and having kids with an inadequate partner who is unwilling to help.
When parents who haven’t slept or showered in days see their child-free friends who look better than ever working their dream job, traveling, and living their best life, it is easy to be envious of them and regret your life decisions.
People often talk about how children are a blessing and how becoming a parent changed their lives for the better, even though that is not the case for many parents.
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Their lives drastically changed for the worse as they realized that they would no longer be able to go to happy hour with their friends at a moment’s notice, go to the gym after work, or even go to the bathroom in peace.
It is time that we normalize the fact that parenthood is not all blessings and baby cuddles. It is filled with nearly impossible-to-get-through days where you’ll want to rip your hair out and wish that you could wave a magic wand to take it all back and have your single life again.
There is nothing wrong with being transparent about this reality. Your honesty may even help people determine whether or not parenthood is something they would want to tackle.
However, admitting just how taxing parenthood can be does not diminish the love you have for your children.
Of course, they are your everything, and you will keep them safe. But you do not have to enjoy every second of doing so, and you may even regret it some days.
It doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.