Woman Feels 'Betrayed' After Her Boyfriend Went Behind Her Back To Make Sure They Would Have Kids Even Though She's Adamantly Against It
She claimed that his actions have caused her to lose trust in him and the future of their relationship.
Zivica Kerkez | Shutterstock A woman admitted that she feels incredibly betrayed by her boyfriend's actions after thinking they were on the same page about having kids.
Posting to the subreddit r/relationship_advice, the 26-year-old claimed that her boyfriend violated her trust and privacy after she found out the measures that he'd taken to ensure she would get pregnant.
She found out her boyfriend went behind her back to make sure they would have kids even though she was against it.
"When we first started dating, we discussed everything from kids to marriage. We both agreed that we would wait until we were financially stable before taking that next step. While we’re comfortable now and no longer living paycheck to paycheck, we still have student loans to pay off. Otherwise, we’re debt-free," she began in her Reddit post.
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She explained that they had been together for three years after meeting in graduate school and that, after six months of dating, they decided to move in together.
Things between them have been good up until this moment, and she described her boyfriend as being kind, generous, and attentive. However, the topic of kids has come back up again and turned things sour between them.
The woman noticed that her birth control was suspiciously no longer in the medicine cabinet.
Over the last few weeks, she noticed that her boyfriend was trying to be intimate without the use of protection. While she's on birth control, the two of them also make sure to use condoms as well since she's not ready to become a mother at this stage of her life.
On top of that, while visiting his parents, his mom commented about how beautiful their children would be and how excited she was at the idea of becoming a grandmother.
"I brushed it off as a sweet, casual remark, as his parents have always been kind to me, but they’ve never brought up children before. Then, last week, I noticed my birth control pills were missing from the medicine cabinet."
When she confronted her boyfriend over hiding her birth control, he tried to play dumb.
When he said he didn't know what happened to her pills, she initially thought that he'd thrown them out without realizing it and went to buy another pack. However, a week after repurchasing her birth control, she noticed that they had gone missing once more, and she confronted him again.
The second time, he confessed. He told her he got rid of her birth control pills because he wanted to start trying for a baby.
Of course, she was shocked by his actions and his complete disregard for her own autonomy by brazenly getting rid of her birth control pills.
His deception could be labeled as reproductive coercion.
Hiding her birth control goes far beyond him thinking that this is what's best for their relationship, but rather borders on abuse.
Reproductive coercion is both a violation of trust and autonomy. You cannot and should not force your girlfriend or wife to have a child just because you're ready.
It should always be a conversation — actually, multiple conversations — and the decision to become parents should never be forced on either party.
She's the one whose life will drastically change if she were to get pregnant. She'd have to carry the child for nine months, go through the traumatic experience of giving birth, and then, odds are, she'll be the main person responsible for childcare.
What he did should not be taken lightly at all.
She learned that he'd been discussing having kids with his mom and the rest of his family.
"I reminded him that we had agreed to wait until we were more financially stable. He explained that he and his mom had talked and believed now was the right time to have a baby since we were no longer struggling financially. It hurt to hear that his mom was involved in this decision," she continued.
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When she asked if that was the reason she'd brought up children when they were at her house, he told her that his entire family and all of his friends knew they were "trying" for a baby and had them promise not to bring it up around her because he lied and said that she wanted to keep it a surprise.
After hearing all of this, including how her boyfriend was going behind her back and spreading lies that she was ready to have a baby, she's now questioning their entire relationship and their future together.
His behavior is downright concerning and toxic.
His complete disregard for her feelings shows that he doesn't have any respect for her, and someone who doesn't have any respect for you should not be someone that you have children with.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.