Man Asks How To Be A Good Dad Now That His Wife Is Pregnant Because He Doesn't Like Kids & Has Never Wanted Them
He let himself be talked him into it, and now he has no idea what to do
Ground Picture | Shutterstock Every Father's Day, we hear the same platitudes about how "any man can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a dad." But what does that actually mean? And how do you get there when you never wanted to be a dad or even a father in the first place?
That's the quandary that one man on Reddit found himself in now that his wife is pregnant.
The man asked how to be a good dad now that his wife is pregnant because he doesn't like kids.
If only it were as easy as simply posting to Reddit for advice, right? The cliché that "parenting doesn't come with a handbook" is a cliché for a reason! Most parents admit, at one time or another, that they have no actual idea what they're doing and are mostly muddling through, doing their best with a mix of instincts, prior experience, and advice.
But for this particular man, the situation is even more complicated. Because his wife's pregnancy is kind of a huge surprise and one he never had any intention of being saddled with.
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The man has never wanted kids and doesn't like them, but bowed to the 'pressure' to become a dad.
This man is like an increasing number of people his age, according to recent studies — he wrote in his post that he's never wanted to have kids, a sentiment that is on the rise.
A 2024 Pew Research study found that the number of people under 50 who say they are unlikely to ever have kids jumped 10% in just five years, from 37% in 2018 to 47% in 2023, and 32% of those said they've never wanted kids in the first place.
Interestingly, though, among childless Gen Zs and younger Millennials, it now tends to be men who want kids more than women, the opposite of what most of us would expect given cultural stereotypes. In another study, Pew found that among 18-34-year-olds who hope to have kids, 57% were male, compared to 45% of women.
This man, however, is not among them. "I did not want a child," he wrote in his post, "but my wife wanted it." He allowed himself to be talked into it "due to social and family pressure." But now that his wife is pregnant, he's having deep misgivings.
"I don't like kids that much. I want to like kids. How can I be a good dad?" he asked, hoping his fellow Redditors would have "tips to be a better person who likes kids" and "a good dad" to his child.
People assured the dad-to-be that how a person feels about their own child is a whole different ball game, and his paternal instincts will kick in.
It's one thing to deal with someone else's kid running amok in a grocery store or caterwauling on a plane. It's quite another, of course, when the child is the actual fruit of your own actual loins!
There's a literal biological and hormonal imperative to love and protect one's own child. Nature is thankfully pretty crafty that way! And on Reddit, people assured this guy that he would figure it out once his baby arrived.
"Loving your child is very, very different to liking other people’s kids," one person wrote. "Like a different world away."
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Others told him that even if he doesn't feel much at first, he should "fake it till you make it" so that the bond and affection can grow. "Love is a verb," another person wrote, "it’s something you actively do and something you actively choose." They urged him to "actively take part in caregiving, even the crappy and tedious parts" to let the parent-child bond flourish.
A fellow dad who never wanted kids chimed in to back up this take. "I considered myself someone that could [only] tolerate kids," he wrote. "Then when my wife gave birth and they were sticking his little foot with that K vitamin ... BOOM! It hit me! Full-blown DAD mode. Just wait, it's coming."
Experts say, however, that couples should always work these issues out before getting married.
The Redditors are right — this guy will likely dive right into fatherhood once the baby arrives, just through sheer biological instinct. But it's all too easy to forget, amid all the heartwarming advice, that this couple kind of started off on a risky foot.
Experts, like therapists and marriage counselors, say that huge issues like whether or not to be parents is something couples should be on the same page about before ever walking down the aisle.
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"So many couples get caught up in wedding planning that they forget to talk about the fundamental issues of sharing a life," therapist Christina Steinorth-Powell told us. And she says issues like whether or not to have kids are so monumental that they actually need to be deal breakers, even if that means calling off the wedding.
It isn't fair for someone to be pressured into doing something they're not comfortable doing — and you could argue it's not responsible or even ethical when the thing in question brings a child into the world.
Still, this dad-to-be should be commended for taking his newfound responsibility seriously and doing all he can to succeed at it. That, probably more than anything, will set him up to be a great dad. He might even look back one day and wonder why he ever hesitated in the first place.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.