Man Asks If He’d Be ‘Justified’ In Divorcing His Wife Over Her Digestive Issues — ‘I Am Staggered, Disgusted, And Baffled’
He's having trouble being around his wife when she cares so little about her health and the consequences it's having on him.
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock A husband questioned if he was "justified" in wanting to divorce his wife because of her self-inflicted health issues, which she continued to ignore.
Writing to Slate's advice column, "Dear Prudence," the 20-something-year-old man claimed that his wife's health issues are getting in the way of their marriage. Despite bringing it up with her, she isn't taking his concerns seriously. Now, he's considering it might be time to end their marriage.
The man questioned if he was justified in divorcing his wife over her self-inflicted digestive issues.
"My wife and I are almost 30: We’ve been friends since we were about 12, a couple since 18, and married since 22. Neither of us has ever dated anyone else, but now I’m thinking it might be that time," the anonymous man began of his debacle.
He explained that his wife underwent gallbladder removal surgery around four years ago, and her doctor made sure to provide her with a list of foods that she should actively avoid. However, his wife ignored the doctor's treatment plan. According to his letter, "She continues to consume large amounts of dairy … a big glass of full-fat milk at breakfast and another with dinner, butter and cheese on everything, ice cream almost daily … as well as greasy pizza and fast food, fried food, red meat, and baked goods."
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She's always been prone to digestive issues but now has extremely "foul" and "explosive diarrhea" at least six times a day, which definitely isn't healthy. He admitted that he and his wife live in a rather small apartment, where he can't avoid hearing or smelling it.
"Our bathroom is permanently nasty and it’s not me. She laughs at and insults me for being grossed out. She has messed herself at work and instead of being mortified tells everyone about it like it’s a joke," he continued. "The end result is a total loss of any desire I might still have had for sexual relations with her. We have not had sex in almost two years and she seems completely fine with that."
Whenever he suggests that she change her diet to accommodate her issues, she becomes upset with him.
He wrote that he brought up his concerns on several occasions, but she dismisses how it impacts him and their relationship and even says that she loves food too much to give up her favorites.
It's understandable that he'd be fed up with his wife's digestive conditions considering she doesn't seem to care about her well-being enough to notice that it's impacting their marriage.
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It's difficult to love and care about someone who doesn't love and care about themselves, especially in regard to their health. It would be one thing if her digestive issues were something that she was unaware of or if it was something that was uncontrollable. But that's not the case.
His issue isn't that his wife's bathroom habits are grossing him out but that she's actively refusing to take care of herself, which is a reasonable thing to find an issue with.
Many people don't take their health issues seriously unless they see drastic effects on the quality of their lives. They would rather live in ignorance and eat all of the food they enjoy without taking into account that there are much better options out there, healthy ones at that. If she enjoys eating pizza, she could learn to make it at home with nondairy options, and it can still taste good.
The man was encouraged to think about whether he wanted to live with someone who clearly didn't prioritize their health.
"This isn’t just about all the poop, though that would be enough for me. In fact, I don’t think you would care as much about the poop if it was something she couldn’t help, struggled with, or only rarely occurred," the "Dear Prudence" columnist wrote.
She pointed out that his main issue is his wife's lack of respect for their shared space and questioned why she was comfortable treating both herself and their apartment in that manner.
If anything, she should definitely be disgusted and turned off by her own health issues and should actively try to make sure that she's not treating her body in that way.
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She encouraged him to question if he wants to continue living and being married to someone who doesn't care that he has to live with the smells caused by neglecting her body.
Because even if she doesn't care to stop eating those foods, she should care that she's subjecting her husband to the consequences as well.
At the end of the day, he shouldn't need another person's permission to leave his marriage because that should only be something that he decides to do. But in asking if he's justified, it's certainly hard to say he's not.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.