Wife Says She's Tired Of 'Raising' Her Husband While He Doesn't Prioritize Her Or Their Marriage
"I'm really tired. I love this man but I feel like I'm trapped."
Photoroyalty | Shutterstock A woman who's been married to her husband for the last 5 years after initially being together for 8 years admitted that she's reached her breaking point when it comes to their relationship.
Posting to the subreddit r/TrueOffMyChest, she claimed that her husband's attitude about their marriage has meant that she ends up putting in 100% of the effort, and she's sick of it.
The wife said she's tired of parenting her husband and wants a partner.
"I gave up on my career during COVID because we had our first baby, during that time he was very unavailable even after our second baby. He is a good man but I'm tired of running after everything for him, he's so flaky he never prioritizes me or our marriage," she began in her since-deleted Reddit post.
She explained that she constantly has to do things for him as if she's his mother and not his wife.
For example, every morning for work she has to wake him up, and if she doesn't, he ends up sleeping in and being at least three hours late to work. At work, he'll sometimes either fail to do his work or keep up communication with his colleagues, to the point that she gets calls at home about his behavior. Despite being in a managerial position, he's frequently receiving complaints about his lack of leadership skills.
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"Aside from that, he is so irresponsible with money, I don't know how it happens but we can never seem to be out of debt, I have to hold all of our money and scheduled bills because the moment I keep it with him everything magically disappears and we'll have nothing and I'll be stuck trying to find a way where we can pull that money he magically spent," she continued.
When the wife raises her concerns with her husband he brushes her concerns aside.
She noticed that anytime she brings up accountability and responsibility, her husband takes it as a personal attack on his character instead of an opportunity to turn over a new leaf and grow.
He'll argue that he has "so much responsibility," but she pointed out that all of the bills and other household expenses are handled by her, and all he has to do is work and bring in money so they can stay afloat.
No one wants to be responsible for everything their partner does because that shouldn't be the dynamic. She's his wife, not his caregiver. He is a more than capable adult who shouldn't need someone to wake him up every morning for work or teach him how to be good with money.
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These are all things that he should be doing himself, and to make things worse, he's not being receptive to his wife's feelings.
It's telling that he doesn't want to try and improve the relationship they have, and would rather depend on his wife for all of his needs.
According to VeryWellMind, this husband seems to be struggling with emotional maturity, and instead of addressing his shortcomings has created a cycle of relying on his wife to the point where she has become a parent rather than a partner.
He told his wife she was not 'supportive enough' but that was far from the truth.
"I'm really tired. I love this man but I feel like I'm trapped in my own personal hell. I feel like I have three kids at [this] point and most of the time my toddlers are easier to handle than him," she admitted.
She claimed that she didn't want to divorce him because she couldn't afford to. With their two children and the fact that she only makes 20% of what her husband makes, it would be hard to become a single parent without his financial support. However, the future of their marriage is questionable, and dealing with her husband is taking a toll on her mental health.
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People in the comments questioned if her husband was truly a "good man" and if she was being subjected to a role that was as far from being a wife as a person can get.
Divorce can be such a tricky and daunting prospect, but staying in a marriage that isn't serving you anymore or bringing you happiness is far worse, especially when there are children involved.
It may seem as if the easier option would be to stay with him, but in the long run, it could end up causing more harm to her well-being than if she were to put herself first and leave.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.