5 Traits Of Grown Adults Who Recover Quickly From Heartbreak
Lessons learned from experience are the most powerful of all.
Anne Ponomarenko via Shutterstock Breakups. Separation. Divorce. These experiences feel so bitter and sad they can pretty much be summed up with one word: Grief.
When love ends, our world collapses — along with our dreams, hopes, and hearts — and we can lose perspective on how to survive because that’s what we do. We go into fight or flight mode and learn to exist through a kind of pain we forgot was even possible. This is especially true if you're young or haven't experienced such heartbreak in a while.
Five traits of of people who recover from heartbreak quickly
1. They avoid dating other people within the first three months
While some people may not be able to entertain the thought of ever dating again, others head straight into the deep end.
It’s not unusual to think the attention from someone new will distract us from heartbreak. We assume that being wanted by strangers will help us feel less rejected by the person we are still in love with.
The downside of dating someone straight after your breakup is that:
- You haven’t healed yet and will likely choose the wrong person for the wrong reasons. and
- Refer back to point A repeatedly!
Make it a rule that you won’t actively date or engage in the thought for a full 3 months. This will help you gain perspective, closure, and healing so that when you are ready, you will choose the right one for the right reasons.
2. They pay careful attention to their health
It’s important to continue to look after your physical health during a breakup, as supported by a study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Your body will already be under a whole lot of stress and doing all sorts things, so there’s no need to add fuel to the fire.
Personally, when I'm going through a breakup, I make sure that I steer clear of consuming too much alcohol. We all know emotions are heightened when we drink and can lead us to make poor decisions. Stay away from people or situations that will encourage you to drink if you know you won’t be able to stop.
Try to also keep your diet on track. Research published in Minerva Endocrinologica Journal shows how binge eating can overload your digestive system. Plus, a diet filled with empty calories usually plays havoc with our energy levels and emotions. Keep your diet clean and drink plenty of tea.
3. They don't isolate themselves
SeventyFour via Shutterstock
While staying in a cocoon of sadness and blankets might seem more your speed than socializing, it’s certainly not going to snap you out of your depression, as shown by studies in the PLoS ONE, Journal.
When we put ourselves around other people, we are not only kept accountable for our actions but we're also reminded that life goes on.
It’s easy to become self-focused in our pain, and while it’s imperative to take time alone to heal, we can’t forget the importance of the other people in our world. By staying socially active, we can distract ourselves from our pain, learn to enjoy life again and allow ourselves to be open to new opportunities and support.
4. They remind themselves of their worth and purpose
In those moments of total darkness and pain, we can forget we were all created to love, to be loved, and to live a life of joy. Separation isn’t just a matter of the heart, it’s also a time to learn to control where the mind wants to take you.
The key is to keep living, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and take each day as it comes. You have to look beyond the moment and remember you have a future and purpose outside of this pain.
Set small goals you can achieve daily or weekly. An article in Organization Management Journal explores how this will give you a sense of progress and accomplishment. It will also help to keep you accountable and focused.
This may be a season that slows you down a little, but it does not mean all is lost. Remember who you are, what you want, and where you are heading.
5. They are cautious about their social media use
Social media has given us a license to post our every thought and emotion for the world to see. But the more people who know your business, the more confused it can make you as you sift through the comments, trying to sort out which opinions offer sound wisdom and which are just inflammatory.
Whether your style is trying to act like everything is OK, over-sharing your every thought, or posting emotional outbursts, try to break the habit. None of these actions will ever bring you peace.
You must have support and someone to talk with, but be selective to be sure you confide in people with your best interests in mind.
Stealing your ex’s profile or comparing yourself to every happy couple you see will only keep your wounds raw. Put the phone down and turn off the computer, then get outside or pick up a book so that you can nurture your mind as well as your heart.
I came across this quote the other day:
“One of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve someone who is still alive."
It reminded me how anyone who wants to fall in love has to risk the chance of heartache.
If you are still in love with the person or haven’t gotten closure, it feels like you are caught in the dark hole of limbo. It’s in those moments we risk behaving in ways that are irrational and desperate, doing things detrimental to our healing. We can't focus on how to get over a breakup when we remain stuck focusing on the relationship that no longer exists.
Our mind can completely take over any normal sort of thought and start to believe that drinking ourselves into a stupor or being with every person we can get our hands on is going to heal our poor little hearts. However, even during a season of heartache, we must remember our actions have consequences. There are certain things we simply shouldn’t do, no matter how tempting the moment of bliss they offer might be.
Renee Slansky is a relationship and dating coach, as well as the founder of The Dating Directory, an online community for women doing love, life, and relationships.