8 Ways The Most Compelling Women Reinvent Themselves After Each Breakup
Embrace the potential of the future you.
NeonShot | Canva You are sad and brokenhearted. Life is radically altered. The person you have been spending the most time with is no longer a part of your life. Yes, it hurts. But it's also a huge opportunity to reinvent yourself.
Relationships shape us, and we emerge differently than we were. Sometimes, who we become in a relationship is so far from who we want to be that we need to start from scratch. The question is, how do we reinvent ourselves after a breakup?
Here are 8 ways the most compelling women reinvent themselves after a breakup
1. Let go of loose ends
It can be tempting to hold onto memories, both large and small. Items that represent your love are often found in your environment. Plans you held together can still be floating through your mind.
The more you clear things out and open the door to new things, the faster you will be able to discover the new you and create the new life you are craving.
2. Be frivolous and have fun
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Nothing looks better on you than laughter and happiness. The sadness of your breakup can weigh you down. The easiest way to counteract this heaviness is to make it a point to have fun.
Try doing something you've always wanted to do but didn’t because you convinced yourself it was not practical or it was too frivolous. Create silly moments of novelty, as supported by a paper in the Digital Creativity Journal.
Building moments of happiness and fun into your life will help you feel better about yourself and more creative as you consider redefining your life in general.
3. Pay attention to how you look
You might be a meticulous dresser, or you might throw on the first thing you lay hands on in your dark closet. The Oxford Handbook Of The Psychology Of Appearance explains how we all have a certain part of our identity tied to our appearance.
When we’re uncertain about other parts of our identity (like after a breakup), it's easy to be shaken out of our usual appearance and identity.
Exercising choice by pushing yourself to put effort into how you look will help you reconnect with yourself and seize a basic and fun step in reinventing yourself. Looking good for you (not anyone else) is healthy and helpful at any point in time.
4. Pay attention to how you feel
I'm not talking about the sadness you feel as a result of your breakup. I am talking about the things, little and big, that put a smile on your face or make you feel good inside. If you want to create a new version of yourself you like even more than the current model, you want to start to pay attention to what you like and what you don’t.
The easiest way to do this is to pay attention to how you feel when you are doing things. If you are not feeling good, you might want to consider letting go of the activity and begin to do things differently.
5. Spend time with people who love the real you
Nothing helps you move on and feel strong enough to try new things like being seen by people who get you and love you as you are. C. P. Langford, University of South Carolina, stresses the importance of taking some time to recharge your batteries by surrounding yourself with people who truly appreciate you for all of who you are.
Even better, if these people are so supportive, they will also embrace the changes you are planning to make!
6. Spend time with yourself
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Alone time is essential to making sure you are connected with yourself and in touch with your emotions. Moving on after a breakup is not so much about keeping on the go as it is about a healthy balance of activity and introspection.
A study in Evolutionary Psychology Journal explores the costs experienced and coping strategies deployed in breakups that support giving yourself the time you need to just be, feel your feelings, and imagine your wide-open future.
7. Rekindle dreams
When we are in a relationship, it begins to shape who we are. Sometimes, dreams we had as a single person get put to the side because they do not fit well into a relationship.
Now is a great time to bring these dreams to the forefront again and create some new dreams!
8. Don’t look back
After the grieving process is over and you've mourned what has been lost, there is little use going down memory lane. If you find yourself replaying relationship events, torturing yourself with "the good times," or mulling over what you might have done differently, try instead to do one of the things on this list.
The new you is waiting for you in the future, not in the past. The more you can embrace the potential of the future, the easier it will be to reinvent yourself.
Dr. Kate Siner is a teacher, mentor, spiritual guide, and author who has appeared on NBC, ABC, Fox, and other major network affiliates to talk about spiritual and personal development. She’s spoken on WPRO, MX Talk of the Town, Consciousness Network, and TalkStream Radio.