6 Chivalrous Traits Of People Who Are Naturally Charming
Chivalry will open doors for you.
andriiafanasiev | Canva When was the last time you felt completely appreciated — the kind of appreciation that leaves no doubt about how fully gorgeous/handsome, talented, honored, respected, and loved you are? The kind of appreciation that makes you tremble, even? When was the last time you were so authentically charming that you caused someone to react like that?
As confident as you already feel, dating someone who makes you feel deeply appreciated is incredibly special. And being able to appreciate someone authentically is a skill worth mastering.
That skill is called chivalry, and in the past, it was solely the domain of gentleman. But today, anyone can be chivalrous, regardless of gender. All it takes are a few chivalrous traits.
Here are the chivalrous traits of naturally charming people:
1. Courtesy
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Did you know that former Vice President Al Gore commissioned a study on the positive effects of courtesy in the workplace?
Why? Because common, thoughtful courtesy works. It's a best practice. It's chivalry lite. Whichever side of the chivalry debate you stand on, I'm sure you'd prefer that a stranger didn't slam a door in your face or cut you off in traffic.
In an intimate relationship, expect your partner to treat you courteously in the ways that are most meaningful to you. But also do the same for them.
If they're lost on what that means, be direct and tell them. Nothing says "hot" like a partner who knows what they want, in or out of bed.
2. Honesty
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Chivalry offers a way to commit to deeper and more satisfying personal interaction — whether dating, courting, marrying, or starting a business. You can't build a connection without integrity and honesty, it's what cultivates trust.
Be truthful with yourself and your partner. Look deep into your partner's eyes when you tell your truth — look beyond your own words and consider how it feels to hear them. Learn to master honesty delivered kindly. Practice this. Shared honesty is a huge intimacy-builder.
Naturally charming people tend to be more honest than others. A 2012 study explained that their ability to build rapport and connect with others often stems from a genuine desire to foster positive relationships, which is typically supported by truthful behavior.
While naturally charming people may generally be honest, their behavior can still be influenced by situational pressures, such as strong incentives to lie or high-stakes situations.
3. Loyalty
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If you aren't clear about your loyalty, please don't expect it back. Want an exclusive relationship? Non-exclusive? Married? Polyamorous?
Make sure you share that with your partner. Make your loyalty plain and show your partner the same level of honesty and faithfulness you expect back.
4. Helpful
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Nothing is more off-putting than feeling patronized. Nothing is charming about it. That said, everyone needs a hand now and then, and modern chivalry includes doing the hard work of figuring out what makes your partner feel looked after.
To find out what they like, ask! "May I hail a cab for you?" "Would you like me to carry this for you?"
Ask and pay attention to the ways your partner likes you to step in and assist (and ways they don't). As they teach you about their needs (and you likewise communicate your own to them), you grow more sensitive to each other.
This is due to their inherent ability to understand and respond to others' needs, which often stems from high levels of empathy, strong social skills, and a desire to foster positive connections. They are more likely to offer assistance when they perceive someone requiring it.
2008 research concluded that a positive self-perception can also fuel helpfulness, as charming individuals may view assisting others as contributing positively to their environment.
5. Solution-oriented
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Justice may not seem attractive, but people who know how to be chivalrous see both sides of poignant issues and speak passionately about them before taking sides. This is just another example of how authenticity is charming.
In relationships, chivalry demands that you each feel genuinely understood by the other (which deepens your connection).
Look deeply into your partner's eyes and listen to them (the same way you want them to hear you). Your opinion matters — but just listen first. Use the question "What do I feel is just?" as a springboard to know each other more deeply.
6. Compassion
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Your partner wants to know you have compassion. One way to show this is in your response to today's social ills: homelessness, poverty, mental illness, substance abuse, and abandoned animals. How do you respond?
Whether you keep some energy bars in your car to give to the man holding a "hungry and homeless" sign or stand up to your friends when they make a racist joke, your partner needs to know the breadth of your courage and compassion. It says a lot about you.
A 2021 study indicated that naturally charming people often exhibit great compassion. This connection stems from an innate human tendency toward social connection and positive interactions.
Compassion is frequently linked to releasing oxytocin, which promotes prosocial behaviors like empathy and kindness. Compassion can enhance one's charisma and likability, making one more naturally charming to others.
Bill Protzmann founded Music Care Inc., a for-profit corporation dedicated to teaching practical ways music can be used for self-care. His latest book, More Than Human, explains how and why re-engaging the human spirit can make a practical and positive difference.