3 Non-Obvious Things People Judge You On When They First Meet You, According To Biological Anthropologist
Are you making the right impression?
Roberta Sant'Anna | Unsplash No matter how many apps you use or how careful you are in weeding out potential red flags, dating can still suck the life out of you. Maybe this is because people don't know how to date anymore.
Getting to know someone and beginning a relationship is challenging, despite initial thoughts that finding your soulmate would be as easy as swiping right.
The late writer and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher says, "Courtship has changed more in the last 10 years than in the last 10,000 years. Our ancestors lived on a farm, and there were a lot of arranged marriages. Today, we're marrying to please ourselves and doing it through the internet."
With that insight, a lack of dating success may be due to a person's first impression of you because there are often non-obvious things they're judging you on without you even realizing.
Here are the non-obvious things people judge you on when they first meet you, according to biological anthropologist Helen Fisher:
1. Your teeth
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"Your teeth tell a great deal about how old you are [and] your health," Fisher advises. Your dental identity indicates age, gender, income level, and social status. Teeth-grinding, specifically, indicates psychological, lifestyle, and personality traits. For instance, if you smoke, drink too much coffee, or if you have a great deal of anxiety, frustration, or anger in your life.
The minute you smile, your date judges how your teeth look. Studies have found that people with whiter teeth are perceived as trustworthy, professionally and financially successful, and attractive. Yellow teeth and "abnormal" spacing have adverse effects on attractiveness.
If you're not finding luck in the dating game, it may be time to visit the dentist or invest in teeth-whitening strips to make your smile sparkle.
2. Your grammar
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"Your grammar says a lot about your sociological background [and] education," Fisher adds.
Many people find lousy grammar in a dating profile or in person as a real turn-off and think that if you don't know the difference between "there" and "their," you're not worth wasting time on it.
While you may feel bad about correcting someone's grammar, research has found that it negatively impacts dating success and a person's overall perception. One study determined that 75% of men and 88% of women prefer good grammar over confidence; another found that men reduce their chances of scoring a date by 14% when their dating profiles contain grammar mistakes.
To increase your chances of making a good first impression, hone your spelling and grammar skills as best as possible. And, if all else fails, use a spell check before communicating with a potential date.
3. Your confidence
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Fisher explains, "Your self-confidence tells a lot about your emotional stability." And she couldn't be more right. How we feel about ourselves can impact our relationships. If we don't feel good about ourselves, we have no positive emotional energy to focus on another person.
Additionally, when we don't feel confident, we present a version of ourselves to others. This makes it evident to others that you don't feel comfortable in your skin and potentially can't remain authentic, and a potential match is looking for precisely that.
We've been built with several fast-acting special skills that can aid us when meeting someone for the first time. "The brain is very well built to try and size somebody up immediately," Fisher says.
For example, when you aren't confident, you may bite your nails or engage in other repetitive habits, and you may avoid eye contact, making you appear anxious and untrustworthy.
So, work on boosting your confidence one small change at a time. Doing so will alter how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself to others.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and frequent contributor to YourTango. She's had articles featured in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Bustle, Medium, Huffington Post, Business Insider, and Woman's Day, among many others.