If He Does These 10 Chivalrous Acts, He's A True, Bonafide Gentleman
Is chivalry really dead if you can get him to do all this, just by being batting your eyelashes?
Getty I'm a modern girl. I'm independent and I'm single. I have built a career from the ground up, read everyone from C.S. Lewis to Suzanne Collins, can navigate social media with relative ease, and watch "New Girl" like it's my job.
I know I can take care of myself.
But hey, call me old-fashioned. It's fine. I can appreciate aspects of feminism, but I simply prefer traditional gender roles. I like when a guy volunteers to kill a massive spider without complaint, or lift a heavy box in my stead.
I like chivalry.
There! I said it.
What is chivalry?
In the most technical of terms, "Chivalry, or the chivalric code, is an informal, varying code of conduct developed between 1170 and 1220 [associated] with the medieval Christian institution of knighthood ... Over time, its meaning in Europe has been refined to [emphasize] more general social and moral virtues. The code of chivalry, as it stood by the Late Middle Ages, was a moral system which combined a warrior ethos, knightly piety, and courtly manners, all combining to establish a notion of [honor] and nobility."
I find chivalry to be a marvelous thing. And most women I know feel at least a little like-minded, too.
We love our modern independence in life and in love. But, deep down, we want guys to treat us like ladies.
And, as most women will attest, chivalry has become increasingly rare. Gentlemanly behavior sets our hearts ablaze. We want to see it, we want to see much more of it, and many of us are waiting on it, if a bit impatiently.
I want a guy to court me a bit. In fact, I'm sort of holding out for that. Someone to sweep me off my feet? No, gosh no. Grand gestures are wholly unnecessary. I just want someone I can count on. I just want him to do little things to make me sure he's the real deal.
Dating today is tough, and we women always seem to have doubts about the guys who roll into our lives.
Does he like me? Are his motives genuine? Can I trust him completely?
Guessing means you usually can't, and confusion isn't a good thing.
Most women would like to be rid of that. So, if he puts in the time and does the little things, it's like an automatic screening process for us.
He's more likely to be into us as human beings, not disposable hookups. He's more likely to be Mr. Right when we're beyond tired of dealing with all those Mr. Wrongs.
That's why chivalry is as important now as it ever was.
Here's a toast to all the women who are looking for that chivalrous, good-hearted guy. He's out there.
Below are 10 examples of chivalrous things men do that make us swoon and prove they're true gentlemen.
(And to all those chivalrous, good-hearted guys, keep doing what you're doing. We love you for it.)
1. Holding the door for you.
The other day, I was headed inside a building when a dark-haired guy with glasses noticed me a few steps away from the door. He waited for me to catch up, then held the door open and stepped aside, allowing me to head in first. I don't see this much anymore, living in a liberal area with a younger populace.
And yeah, I swooned. I slowed down, looked him in the eye, and thanked him. In actuality, I wanted to shake his hand or give him a bear hug or something profuse in return for being so darn chivalrous (don't worry, I didn't). Note: I have the same reaction to men pulling out chairs and lifting heavy objects for me.
2. Calling when he says he will.
We women are used to waiting for his call ... and waiting, and waiting, and checking our phones. And waiting, and waiting. And checking to make sure our phones are actually functioning. And waiting, and waiting.
There's nothing more infuriating.
Women crave reliability, but we no longer anticipate it. When a guy says he will call at 5:30 PM, we just think, "Ha! OK." If he actually calls at 5:30 PM? Well, cue the giddiness. "This one's a keeper!" we squeal in our heads with an incredulous grin.
3. Not playing games.
There's nothing more attractive than a guy who doesn't beat around the bush. He lets you know he's into you and he's confident enough that he doesn't care about playing it cool.
He likes you, he's excited about you, and he wants you to know it. Amazing? Uh, yeah.
4. Expressing an interest in meeting your family and friends.
We know a man's serious if he will gladly meet mom and shake hands with dad. And then meet all of our friends, happily tolerating the one we know he secretly can't stand.
We see he's not a fan of her sarcastic quips, but the fact that he's putting a smile on makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
5. Showing small, public gestures of affection.
Most women don't want all-out PDA. That makes us as uncomfortable and queasy as any man does. What we do, however, love a guy who will grab our hand on the street or give us a quick peck on the cheek. It's adorable.
We appreciate that he loves being with us, and we think it's rather fantastic that he wants others to know he does, too.
6. Making sure you get home OK.
Imagine this: He's not waiting three days to call you. He's calling or dropping you a brief text just to make sure you're home and safe.
Oh, and he also walked you to your car in that shady parking structure/dark parking lot (because those locations are scary — like, horror-movie scary).
7. Offering you his jacket when you're cold.
I grew up watching rom-coms, and seeing the guy give the girl his jacket always made me smile. I'm freezing on a constant basis and I hate it.
So if a guy is willing to brave the cold and give me his cozy means of protection — whether it be a worn-in cable-knit sweater or a long, wool coat — just to comfort me and warm me up, I can't even begin to express my bountiful gratitude.
8. Pulling the car around for you when it's raining.
It takes a long time for us to do our hair and makeup. We'd rather keep it intact, you know? Enough said.
9. Stepping in during awkward situations.
My friend found herself riding a bus a few weeks back with a guy nearby was "creeping on her," so to speak. Another man, a perfect stranger, stepped in and got Creepy Guy to back off.
Sometimes, it's hard to break away from awkward situations like that. As women, we like to feel safe, like someone has our backs.
When a guy goes out of his way to help a lady, it's pretty much our favorite chivalrous gesture.
10. Caring about your opinions and showing you respect.
Women know when we're being taken seriously. We can tell when a guy wants to know more about us, more about what we believe, and more about how we think and react. We can tell when a man values our opinions and respects what we bring to the table at any stage of a romantic relationship.
It's what we look for most in a guy and how we know when we've met our match.
Jenna Birch is a freelance journalist for women’s magazines and national websites, focusing on topics like health, wellness, dating, relationships, beauty and lifestyle.