10 Subtle Signs Of A Woman Who Is Fragile And Guarded About People, According To Research
Her insecurities are ruining her life.
Matheus Ferrero | Unsplash Being damaged means that something's value or usefulness has been reduced. And that's... kind of heavy.
But then I think about the "reduced 50 percent off" damaged goods shelf at the supermarket, filled with its dented cans of chicken soup, taped-shut boxes of cereal, and separated cans of soda. I have no shame in admitting that I search through those piles of smashed groceries looking for items my family can use.
When a product is only damaged a little bit, the insides are usually fine, and that's what's important: the content. It's just the outer cover that's a bit scratched up.
So, "damaged" doesn't bother me; it reassures me that there's value left over even after there's been some kind of trauma. I focus on the good left, not the damage itself.
Of course, when we talk about people, most often the damage is not as easy to spot as a mashed container of potato flakes. Here are some signs that should alert you that you might be living your life from a "damaged" frame of mind. (You'll notice that these signs tend to build off of each other and intensify.)
Here are 10 subtle signs of a woman who is fragile and guarded about people, according to research:
1. She has low self-confidence
You certainly don't like to be in the spotlight because you don't want anyone to notice your faults. But because of this, you miss out on a lot of fun... like Karaoke!
2. She avoids social situations where she might need to interact with others
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You are never quite sure of yourself when it comes to communicating with others, so you avoid parties, work gatherings, and even family reunions. Something just doesn't feel right when you need to mingle and make small talk, so you choose to sit out most events.
Women may experience social anxiety and avoid social situations more than men, possibly due to factors like gender roles, social expectations, and the prevalence of social anxiety disorder. A 2023 study concluded that societal expectations and norms can contribute to women's avoidance of social situations. For example, women may be discouraged from expressing opinions or asserting themselves in specific contexts.
3. She doesn't trust others easily
Trust oftentimes must be built over time, but you have noticed that even when you've known someone for years, you still have a sense of fear and mistrust of sharing with them.
4. She doesn't have many friends
Since friendships are built on communication and trust, the chances are you don't have many besties. You are always finding excuses for why you can't go out, and you've noticed that lately, the invitations have been dwindling.
While friendships are generally beneficial for well-being, women who lack close female friendships may experience increased stress, lower self-esteem, and a weaker immune system. According to a 2023 study, while having many friends can be beneficial, the quality of friendships and the depth of connections are more important than the quantity.
5. She doesn't fully appreciate all her great attributes
While most people have no trouble pointing out their best personality features and what makes them great, you instead tend to focus on all your negative qualities. When someone offers you a compliment, you're quick to shoo it away.
6. She accepts less than the best from herself and others
You do a mediocre job at work and don't expect praise for what you do. And not surprisingly, your acceptance of how things are just seems to bring more of the same. The same old, same old.
A 2022 study found that striving for perfection and not accepting less than the best can stem from low self-esteem, fear of failure, and needing external validation. Shift your focus from achieving perfect results to putting in your best effort, recognizing that mistakes and failures are part of the learning process.
7. She's so frightened of failure that she won't take even calculated risks
Life is dangerous, and if you step out and try something new, you might completely fall on your face. You've learned not to even push yourself or try anything new because it's safer just to stay right where you are.
8. She lives her life in a state of stress and unknowingly self-sabotages
Your stomach is constantly aching, and you don't sleep well. You don't know why the whole world is against you, but you can prove that everything always goes wrong for you.
Self-sabotage, often stemming from low self-esteem, past trauma, or learned behaviors, can lead to negative consequences like mental health issues, relationship problems, and hindered personal growth, affecting various domains of life. A 2022 review found that some individuals may self-sabotage out of a fear of failure or, surprisingly, a fear of success, as they may perceive negative consequences associated with achieving their goals.
9. She often cycles through negative thoughts
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Now, even your thoughts seem to be conspiring against you. You hear yourself berating yourself, pointing out all your flaws and damage until you lose touch with a joyful state of inner harmony.
10. She's not living her life to the fullest
Boom. This is as bad as it gets. You're living a too-small life and not embracing or allowing the energetic flow of life to move through you. You have fully accepted that you are damaged in a way that can never be fixed or accepted.
...Until one day you do. For whatever reason, something shakes you out of being stuck in this notion of being defective and unlovable. You fully accept that you are damaged in your own way, just like most people are. It's what you decide to do with it that matters.
Remind yourself that you are the last judge and jury for yourself, and you determine what your value is. I keep in mind that even the worst damage, even though it may not be able to be fixed perfectly back into what it was before, can still be crafted and molded back into a new shape, a new container, maybe something larger.
You can open up that crushed cereal box and put it in a Tupperware; you don't have to accept that your damage is permanent. You can hammer out dents, tape over rips, and iron out most wrinkles.
Of course, healing takes time. Start reversing all those signs of damage by picking one you suffer from and then fight it with all you've got. Commit to work on that one item: push yourself, get out there, make friends, take risks, trust...Start living your life fully — damaged self and all.
Studies show a strong correlation between life satisfaction and overall well-being. When people feel they are not living up to their potential or pursuing meaningful activities, their life satisfaction decreases.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text "HELLO" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
Sheila Hageman is a writer who has appeared on The Today Show, ABC News, NBC News, and programs with Bill Cunningham and Anderson Cooper. Her writing has been featured on Salon, Mamalode, Mom Babble, and The Huffington Post.
