9 'Beige Flags' A Woman Is Painfully Insecure
Insecurity does not bode well for a long-term relationship.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock, Diana Akhmetianova | Canva Making someone purposefully insecure is both abusive and traumatizing for the victim. And victims? They act out. Men who listen to the manosphere's advice of encouraging insecurity often find out that insecure women are toxic partners. They find it out the hard way — either by a breakup, cheating, domestic violence, or something way worse.
Here are 9 'beige flags' a woman is painfully insecure:
1. You get serious 'power couple wanted' vibes from her
Did you ever meet a woman who was just a little too competitive about everything? More specifically, did you ever notice how some women seem to chase status symbols with an alarming focus on them?
You’ve seen that woman. She might be the woman who makes a point of flaunting her status by wearing Versace on a grocery trip or the woman who brags about vacationing in Ibiza or summering at Martha’s Vineyard. This is a woman who might have gone into a high-earning industry just because of the status that comes with it. She often will be searching for a Wall Streeter or a politician — not because of the money, but because of the status he brings.
While many believe her to be a gold digger, this is not true. Many of these women have their own money. However, they aren’t digging for money. They’re digging for status.
At first glance, this isn’t a bad thing, per se. Wanting to date someone well-to-do (or at least capable of supporting themselves) is a smart and rational move. Even wanting someone with a prestigious job or name isn’t that bad.
It becomes bad when it becomes an all-consuming, never-ending desire for more, more, more. It becomes bad when that’s all she cares about and when she just needs people to see that “she is somebody.” She needs to be better than any of the other people in her room, or at the very least, she needs to be in the highest circles there. She’s climbing the social hierarchy and will climb over you if she can.
2. She’s 'not like other women'
Does she make a point of advertising how she’s “not like other women,” or how she’s the “cool girlfriend?” It seems like such a green flag until you realize this means she has internalized misogyny.
When you’re dealing with a woman who says this stuff, she is desperate for male validation and will cling to anyone who pays her a crumb of attention. She’s the woman who doesn’t care who she dates. She’s only happy when she has a warm body next to her with the label “boyfriend.”
This means that she might not even like you as a person. Rather, she might be settling with you because you’re male and giving her attention. She didn’t “pick” you as much as she picked anything with a pulse.
3. You can’t help but notice how she mentions her 'Godliness'
Holy Rollers use their chastity and church attendance as a way to morally grandstand over other women. Guess what this means. If you guessed that it means that she has deep-seated self-loathing as a result of spiritual abuse or personal insecurity, you are correct.
This woman is trying to advertise how good of a person she is — and how moral a wife she will be. She’s “not like other women,” but with a Christian twist. The truth is that she’s deeply insecure, but she’s not just insecure about being attractive. She’s also insecure about her position in society.
Holy Rollers will also use their “keep sweet” appearance against you. If you don’t perform up to par, they will do an expert job of painting you as the bad guy even when you did nothing wrong.
4. She controls your every move or knows about where you are 24/7
That clingy way of being able to track a person 24/7 is not healthy. If she gets angry at you for hanging out with your friends, starts trying to pull you away from your loved ones, and more? She’s likely insecure about herself.
She clings like that because she wants reassurance that you won’t leave. She’s scared and has issues with abandonment. Unfortunately, reassuring her will probably not make her issues go away. She’ll likely get addicted to your reassurance and start acting like you need to be glued to the hip 24/7. And she might cling tighter until you can’t take it anymore.
If you notice clingy behavior, back away. Otherwise, she’ll be glued to you and you’ll have no space to breathe.
5. “I hate you! Don’t leave me!”
This was a quote I remembered reading from a book about Borderline Personality Disorder.
Borderline women tend to push people away, only to beg them not to leave. Research from the Mental Health Center of America shows they are often abusive as a way to try to prove to people they’re not worthy of love. When they’re not berating you, they are often clingy to a fault. Suspicious, controlling, and oddly distant, these women are bad news.
6. She changes the script to be a Mary Sue
Guys, beware the woman who is always the victim in all of her stories. Beware the woman who you catch lying about other people to make her look good, too.
This is the woman who posts all the nice things on Instagram. She’s always the angel. She can’t stand anyone who makes her look or feel average. Oh, and she’ll fish for compliments harder than a guy on The Most Dangerous Catch fishes for crabs.
Women like this are very insecure about how others perceive them. Guys often like women who are insecure enough to ask for compliments, but this is a bad move. These women run their own PR campaigns. Cross her or dump her, and you can almost certainly expect to deal with nasty rumors at the very least. At worst? She might go so far as to make false allegations against you.
7. She makes a point of 'playing hard to get'
A lot of insecure people will talk about how other people are into them, oh, you’re so lucky to be with me. They may reject you off the bat and then get upset if you take their no for an answer.
Men this is one of the reasons why you should always take no for an answer — even if you think the woman isn’t serious. It’s a red flag and a great way to get the worst impression of how to deal with women.
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You’ll be expected to be a mind reader if you date her. She’ll never tell you what she wants. She will, however, expect you to know it as if you’re Miss Cleo. Only insecure, immature women expect men to keep chasing them after they’ve pushed them away. If you want to play games, go for an Xbox, not this chick.
8. You notice that she changes her personality based on what others like
Does she suddenly stop liking things if people around her say they don't? Did you notice her doing little things like downplaying things she dislikes, smiling when people insult her, or giving the “please like me” look to everyone?
Do not date a woman who does this. The reason why is because she’s desperate for validation. Worse, she might also be conflict-avoidant.
The issue here is that you never know if she likes you for you or because you’re giving her attention. Dating a woman like this often sours because she will become resentful without you ever realizing it. After all, it’s not like she has the spine to speak up on what she wants.
Desperation is unattractive by default, but it also happens to be toxic. How can you know if she likes you or if she’s just looking for anyone? If she can’t even admit what she likes or dislikes, you don’t know who she is.
A lot of men who marry women like this find themselves in relationships that have one of the following happen:
- Blindsided divorces. One day she’s there, the next, she’s in Montana and you were served papers. She has a new lover and it’s not you.
- Cheating. Women like this don’t know how to turn down advances. They are validation junkies, which means that cheating is rife. At times, they cheat with men who are more compatible with them because they are too cowardly to break things off with their main man.
- Abuse. Believe it or not, women who start desperate often end up resentful of the men who put a ring on it. When they “get a spine,” they tend to take out their resentment on their partners — even if they don’t deserve it.
9. She’s constantly picking herself apart
If she constantly makes self-deprecating jokes or keeps talking about how awful she is, she’s deeply insecure. You will likely have to give her near-constant validation and it will get old, really quick. At best, you are dealing with a woman who’s using you as an emotional tampon. At worst? You’re going to deal with a lot worse.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer on Medium, Substack, and more. She is also the founder of RaggedRiches, a personal finance site for people who don't fit the typical wealth mold.