If Your Partner Exhibits Any Of These 5 Behaviors, They're An Extremely Poisonous Person
If these behaviors sound familiar, your partner is poisonous.
Comeback Images | Canva We've all met a poisonous person. You've probably met many of them and spent time with them. And dated them. And got all mired in relationships with them. And the real kicker? You probably didn't even realize that the person you were dating was a manipulative, lying, poisonous partner.
"So many women are worried about hurting a man's feelings," says Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic Men: 10 Ways to Identify, Deal with, and Heal from the Men Who Make Your Life Miserable. "They forget to worry about themselves and their own emotional needs. A lot of women are being abused, and they don't even know it."
I don't want you to be a woman ensnared by a poisonous partner just because you didn't realize they were toxic. If the person you're with sounds like the person below, heed the warnings and get rid of them.
If your partner exhibits any of these behaviors, they are an extremely poisonous person:
1. They sound too good to be true
We've all been hurt before, but a lot of women will start to retreat to a vulnerable place in their love lives when it happens, making them especially susceptible to poisonous men. These guys seem to sweep you off your feet for a whirlwind romance. Be careful, though.
Clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula explains that "love bombing" — which involves overwhelming someone with affection, promises, and gifts — can indicate manipulation. She warns that when a partner seems too perfect or overly protective initially, it may be a tactic to lower your defenses for future control. This deceptive behavior isn't genuine love; it's a calculated strategy by toxic individuals to create dependency quickly.
Does he say he's ultra-protective because he loves you so much? Does he bring you gifts to smooth over his unsettling behavior? Does he seem to say whatever you want to hear all the time? This dude could very well be one of Dr. Glass's eleven types of toxic men, ranging from the Jealous Competitor to the Seductive Manipulating Cheating Liar to the Socio-Psychopath. Watch out.
2. They tell you they're a 'bad boy'
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If a man tells you he is a certain way, just believe him. Don't try to convince him, or yourself, that he is different from what he's telling you. He's not trying to be complicated or waiting to reveal more glowing facts about himself later. All you need to know is in the words he's sharing.
According to Durvasula, poisonous men often use these self-descriptions to evade accountability, indicating that they have no intention of changing their harmful behaviors. In other words, if he tells you precisely who he is, don’t convince yourself otherwise; his words serve as a window into his character.
3. They say something that puts you off
Let's say the man you're with makes an unguarded remark that seems ... just plain wrong. Your red-flag sirens should be blaring wildly, so you need to dig deeper. Forget asking surface questions that will not get to the bottom of the situation. Ask questions to prod him toward more revealing answers.
The book suggests things like, "Excuse me, I didn't quite catch what you said," or, "What exactly do you mean by that?" If his answer is something that seems bizarre, say so. Just don't say you're the one who thinks it, to take the judgment factor out of it: "I know someone who would question that," or, "What do you say if someone tells you they find that hard to believe?" These conversations should give you tons of insight into your presumably (very) poisonous partner.
4. They exhibit strange speech patterns
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Backhanded compliments. Insulting you, and then saying, "Just kidding!" He's talking like he's in a high-speed chase. Repeating part of your sentence before he answers a question as if he needs time to manufacture an excuse. A monotone voice. All these speech patterns are indicative of a poisonous person. If you hear any of them, beware.
5. They make you feel insecure
When you're dealing with a poisonous person, you're storing negative emotions inside you, but they don't stay inside forever. Think about someone who upsets you, and then look in the mirror.
Research has shown that negative emotions such as stress, anxiety, and anger, which are often triggered by toxic relationships, can manifest physically. As trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk explains in his book The Body Keeps the Score, when we experience prolonged stress and unresolved emotional pain, it can sometimes feel like those feelings get "stuck" in our bodies. This might appear as signs like a furrowed brow, a tightened jaw, or an overall tense and withdrawn appearance.
In simpler terms, if you glance in the mirror and see that your face appears strained — despite not feeling explicitly unhappy — your body could subtly indicate that the relationship is weighing you down more than you think.
What do you see? Pursed lips? A rigid stance? A furrowed brow? You'll appear this way if your relationship turns into a nightmare. If friends say, "Are you okay? You seem upset," regularly, you may want to check your man's situation.
Jenna Birch is a former author, journalist, & editor. She currently leads narrative & communications at a venture capital firm.