10 Social Cues That Reveal Who Secretly Holds The Most Power In A Room
If you're curious about who holds the most influence in a room, there are some subtle behaviors you can look out for.
hedgehog94 | Shutterstock The most powerful person in the room is someone you’re automatically drawn to. You can’t explain exactly what it is about that person, but they have an aura about them that is inescapable and intoxicating.
You may think spotting the person with the most power in a room is easy. And, sometimes, it is. But, more often than not, the people who hold a quiet kind of confidence really carry a room. CEO Lucy Marcus pointed out, “In reality, none of us gets to a position of success without a support system around us. Even the most successful people in the world, be they in business, politics, or the arts, don’t get there alone.” The most powerful person in a room may be much more unassuming than you expect. To discover who they are, you must turn to subtle social cues.
Here are 10 social cues that reveal who secretly holds the most power in a room:
1. They don’t make everything about them, even though they hold the power.
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It would be easy — natural, even — to assume that whoever holds the most power in a room would make everything about themselves. But that’s not typically true, and that’s part of what makes them so enticing. Instead of hogging all of the attention themselves, the person who holds the most power will show others that they have an important place in the room too.
Licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., said that feeling like you matter is an essential human emotion. “Mattering is nurtured in settings in which personal well-being, relational well-being, and communal well-being are all valued equally,” she stated. “The absence of mattering leads to unhealthy relationships, outgroups, and compromised mental health.”
The most powerful person in a room understands they cannot feed off their own power alone. They must take others into account and show them that they are important as well. The art of showing someone they matter has been well-mastered by powerful people.
2. They aren’t afraid to maintain eye contact.
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Maintaining eye contact isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes, looking away is easier because of the discomfort surrounding a conversation topic or person. We also live in a world filled with constant distractions, and giving someone your full attention is rare.
Those who hold the power know that eye contact is essential. A 2024 study published in Cognitive, Affective, and Behavioral Neuroscience said prolonged eye contact immensely positively affects people and their relationships. This isn’t surprising, considering that not holding eye contact with someone feels like an automatic barrier.
Although maintaining eye contact can be problematic, powerful people do it to show you have their attention and that what you have to think and say is important. It contributes to their aura of power.
3. They take advantage of body language to assert their dominance.
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Body language is powerful — almost as powerful as the person holding the most power in a room. It can completely change the way that others view you. Body language can be used in various ways to signal different things. One of those things, of course, is dominance and power.
Writing for the British Psychological Society, Emma Young noted that some exert their influence through body language by creating an atmosphere of assertiveness and aggressiveness, thereby dominating the situation. This can include demonstrating your physical size by puffing out your chest. Whether or not this behavior is paired with a smile is a sign of just how aggressive the person wants to come across.
Regardless of someone’s specific intentions behind using body language in a certain way — whether they want to be respected or feared — powerful people know how to manipulate this tool to display their prowess. There’s no overlooking them.
4. They are energetic and enthusiastic about what’s going on.
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No one will buy into the idea that someone is powerful if they show no emotion about what they’re doing. That’s, quite honestly, boring, and uninteresting people are rarely influential. On the other hand, exhibiting a sense of enthusiasm about whatever is going on is a sign that someone holds a great deal of power.
Enthusiasm is so compelling that even the U.S. Department of Labor (DOL) has written about its effects. The DOL noted that enthusiasm can often be the one thing that sets workers apart and makes the difference in getting a job or being successful in your career. Showing this high, infectious energy makes others want to be around you and gets people invested in your success, professional or personal.
Someone who holds a lot of power will naturally have a lot of energy and enthusiasm for whatever they’re a part of, whether it’s a company or a friendship. People don’t gain power by being lukewarm. They have to show that they care, and they do.
5. They listen closely to what others have to say.
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Someone certainly does not become the most powerful person in a room by ignoring the input of others. First, to have power, one must be backed by other people. They are likelier to do that when they feel seen and heard. Additionally, a person retains power by making others feel like they matter.
According to an article from the National Institutes of Health, “In active listening, it is critical that the receiver acknowledges receipt of the information and provides feedback to the sender to ensure mutual understanding. The ability to communicate effectively is not innate; it is a learned skill that requires ongoing practice and refinement.”
By actively listening, powerful people show that they are picking up on what the other person is saying. This does not just automatically, naturally, happen, but must be a choice. The person with the most power will make that choice, even when it’s not easy or convenient.
6. They have a strong, confident posture.
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We've heard that good posture is necessary since we were kids. While there are many physical benefits, emotional benefits exist as well. It seems pretty evident that confidently carrying yourself would be a sign of power, and it is. People with good posture appear more sure of themselves, naturally predisposing them to power.
Author Meg Selig pointed out that in addition to fostering good mental health and confidence, your posture can work wonders for your assertiveness. For example, research published in Psychological Science proved that “posture mattered more than hierarchical role — it had a strong effect in making a person think and act in a more powerful way.”
If you see someone standing tall and strong, there’s a good chance that that person holds the most power in the room. They are simply radiating confidence and potential.
7. They speak clearly so they get their point across.
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Someone who mumbles or talks in circles will not exude power. It doesn’t demonstrate confidence or make you think of that person as a leader. On the other hand, if someone speaks clearly and concisely in a way that articulates their point, they are likely to appear powerful.
Linguistics researcher Deborah Tannen pointed out that judging people by how they speak can be tricky as everyone has different patterns they follow. She used the differences in how men and women talk as one example. However, she also confirmed that it is a common practice to “judge confidence” by “verbal behavior.”
A person who holds power isn’t someone who is unsure of what to say and stumbles over their words. They know what they are saying and how to say it. Their delivery is precise. They show just how powerful they are by the way they can command a conversation.
8. Everyone in the room defers to them.
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When someone is the most powerful person in a room, it’s obvious. Everyone can see it, and they respond accordingly. This typically means deferring to the person who has become the de facto leader. Showing deference means “to allow (someone else) to decide or choose something,” according to Merriam-Webster. If you defer to someone else, you’re putting them in charge.
Of course, this is not a position everyone wants to be in. Some are uncomfortable with all the attention that comes with this deference. Researchers from the Berkeley Haas School of Business discovered that although most people want a higher rank, they settle for something lower because they think it’s all they’re fit for.
The person with all the power would never feel this way. They would welcome others deferring to them. They would think that this is only right, as would everyone else. If all of the other people in a room defer to one person, that’s a pretty safe sign that they hold the power in their hands.
9. They aren’t afraid to take action to ensure what they want happens.
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Powerful people are leaders; leaders don’t just sit back and watch what happens. Instead, they act. They influence the outcome. In short, leaders aren’t afraid to get things done. Influential people naturally want to see their desired outcome come to fruition. To do this, they must act.
To do this, powerful people must first overcome their fears. Licensed marriage and family therapist John Kim says, “You will always have fears, but when you get to a place where you are no longer driven by them, something magical happens. You become rich. You are in touch with your value. You feel powerful.” Power automatically results from releasing your fears.
If you see someone making moves to get their way, they likely hold much power. Power isn’t about getting what you want but creating what you wish to happen. People who have mastered this are bound to control the power in a room.
10. They don’t go out of their way to make themselves appear powerful — it just happens.
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The truly powerful don’t have to announce their power or influence. They just have it. They don’t make a fuss to prove they hold the most power in a room. They simply do. Power is all about perception, but powerful people don’t sit around trying to change that perception. If they did, their power would be called into question.
Powerful people often lead more quietly than one would expect. Professor Deborah Gruenfeld of the Stanford Graduate School of Business says that allowing vulnerability to shine through is usually a sign of true power. Power isn’t always about being loud and proud; sometimes, it is subtle and challenging to identify.
If someone is the most powerful in a room, they won’t go out of their way to show it. They’ll have a quiet confidence that that power belongs to them, and everyone else will know it, too.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.