These 6 Signs Are A Dead Giveaway You're Being Breadcrumbed, According To Research
Research shows these subtle signs are classic clues you’re being strung along just enough to stick around.
insta_photos | Canva Ever feel like someone’s giving you just enough attention to keep you interested — but never actually following through? That frustrating pattern has a name: breadcrumbing.
It’s when someone drops small hints of interest (like a random text or flirty comment) without ever making a real effort to build a relationship. According to research, there are clear signs you’re being strung along. If something feels off, these red flags could confirm exactly what’s going on.
These signs are a dead giveaway you're being breadcrumbed:
1. Waiting around for calls or texts
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Anxiety can arise from feeling unsure about the relationship or your partner's feelings. We often crave external validation, and a delayed response can feel like a rejection.
In modern psychotherapy, a tool called the Karpman Drama Triangle exists. It’s a map of a form of a toxic relationship, a pattern that happens in many relationships and, in particular, conflicted ones.
This theory is not new — it’s 40 years old, to be more accurate — yet we see it play out time and time again in our upbringing and families and then follow through into our relationships. It is most often unconscious, which is what makes it so dangerous and what causes untold amounts of pain and conflict.
2. Waiting around for plans to be made and or to be confirmed
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Waiting for confirmation can indicate a lack of predictability and security in the relationship, leaving you uncertain and anxious. If your partner consistently delays or doesn't prioritize making plans, it could suggest a power imbalance where your needs are not being met.
So here it is: On each side of the Karpman Drama Triangle lives the victim, rescuer, and perpetrator. The rescuer is the people-pleaser, empath, and do-gooder, while the perpetrator is just as he sounds.
He’s critical, judgmental, and sometimes a narcissist. He thrives on feeling more powerful. The victim can also be pretty self-explanatory, but the one telltale sign is easily overwhelmed, needs rescuing, nothing is my fault, makes their problems your problems, “please fix this for me.”
3. Feeling like you’re last on the priority list
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When a partner consistently puts other things or people ahead of you, it can lead to feelings of emotional neglect and isolation. A relationship where one partner consistently feels like an afterthought can create an unhealthy power dynamic and resentment.
Each role in the Karpman Drama Triangle is interchangeable, but most people toggle between the three depending on where they are developmentally or in the stages of the relationship.
However, there is a dominant one you feel most comfortable in and tends to play out most of the time. This role is usually determined by upbringing and childhood experiences and often by observing and taking on the parental dynamics in your family.
I’ve lived mainly in the rescuer role, and it’s still a role I need to keep a close eye on! This role gave me meaning, significance, and self-esteem. I built a whole career around it! It is also the primary reason I ‘burnt out’ from my previous job in alternative medicine and why I almost repeated the same patterns in my new business many years ago. It is also the primary reason why I accepted breadcrumb relationships time and time again!
4. Overthinking, analyzing, or feeling generally insecure about your partner’s affection
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Constant questioning and doubts can erode trust, making it difficult for both partners to feel secure and comfortable. An environment of continuous insecurity can create emotional distance, making it difficult for partners to connect and feel truly loved.
The Karpman Drama Triangle's rescuer role is often the most susceptible to burnout on all levels because we’re so good at gauging and measuring the needs of others and being the ‘good girl’ that, eventually, we feel pulled in too many directions at once.
This unhealthy persona played out in all my relationships! I chose friends who needed rescuing, and most damaging of all, I chose men whom I felt I could rescue. Nothing makes a perfect match with a rescuer than a victim who turns perpetrator to feel powerful again. We fit perfectly; I was needed, and they were the needy.
5. Hearing a lot of 'I’m very busy … I hoped you’d understand'
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The problem arises when constant busyness leads to a lack of quality time, communication, or attention. If someone consistently uses 'busyness' as an excuse to avoid spending time with you, it could be a sign that they're not prioritizing you or the relationship.
The trouble with this is you can never find fulfilling, lasting relationships. You can get stuck in any part of the Karpman Drama Triangle for a prolonged period, having that be your dominant position with one particular relationship.
Still, for the cycle to continue, you’ll start expressing the other sides eventually, too, and maybe with other people or circumstances where it feels safer. Can you see this playing out in your life anywhere?
6. Fearing that if you express your needs you’ll be labeled as ‘needy’ or ‘too much’
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Healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication, where partners can express their needs and desires without fear of judgment or negative labels. 'Needy' is often used to dismiss or invalidate someone's feelings and needs. It's important to distinguish between healthy expressions of need and unhealthy clinginess or dependency.
It’s important to become aware of this toxic cycle. Often, I have successful women coming to work with me who have almost everything else handled in their world, but when it comes to their relationships, they are stuck in this toxic cycle and keep recycling the same men and the same issues with their friends and family.
How do you handle a breadcrumb relationship? Notice when you’re in it and name the role you’re playing. Don’t be too hard on yourself, either. Think of this as a play, and you’re just an actor taking on a role for a short time. After accepting which role you’re playing, take 100% responsibility for your contribution to creating that role.
The only way to stop this cycle is to notice and claim your role and start to bring in what’s missing for you. For the rescuer (the predominant breadcrumb relationship acceptor), you need to learn to recognize and validate your wants and needs and to express them unapologetically. It’s also important to acknowledge and give space for your anger to be processed and use this as a sign that your needs are not being met or that you’ve become too responsible for another and you’re on the verge of burnout.
Finally, if you see yourself in this article and this resonates with you, cultivating a practice of surrender and letting go of control can significantly benefit your relationships with others. That’s when magic can happen because that’s the only time you can regain your power and stop settling for the breadcrumbs in your relationships!
Giovanna Capozza is a writer, Master Life Coach, Spiritual Intelligence Teacher, and Mind/Body Expert. She is a trained Homeopathic Doctor and Holistic Nutritionist; graduating with honors from Ontario College of Homeopathic Medicine where she later joined the faculty.
