5 Harsh Signs Your Partner Is Likely To Blindside You
You might be able to see it coming after all.
marcoventuriniautieri, pixelshot, Dvladans | Canva Did you read that one article about the woman who was ghosted by her husband? I recently did, and it got me thinking about some of the other breakups I’ve seen my friends go through.
When most people say that they are blindsided, they tend to leave out obvious issues in their relationships. They tend to be the person who cheated repeatedly, kept ignoring when their partner’s cries for help, or were even abusive to them.
They are usually just "blindsided" because they didn’t think their partners would leave them. However, I want to point out that there are some breakups where there are literally no signs that anything is wrong with the relationship prior to the breakup.
It’s absolutely rare, but it does happen. And when it does, it blows everyone around them away. Everyone just kind of sits there, wondering how this could happen.
If you’re like many people, you might be wondering what a person can do to prevent being with a partner who will suddenly vanish into thin air. The more that I’ve been around others, the more I recognize that there are certain traits that people who ghost in long-term relationships tend to have.
These are the ones I’d suggest watching out for…
Here are 5 harsh signs your partner is likely to blindside you:
1. You’ve noticed that they don’t ever argue with you
I’ll be the devil’s advocate here and say that I have a little more faith in people who argue than people who don’t. When people argue — and I don’t mean like, a DV-worthy fight, but like an actual argument — that means that they are comfortable talking to one another.
If your partner never complains about anything, you need to watch out. Normal people have things they don’t like happen to them. A person who can’t speak out when they are upset is going to be the person who eventually leaves without warning.
This is known as a "conflict-avoidant" person. They usually come from homes where raising a concern could get you hit. The problem is, if you don’t actually confront problems head-on, breakups become inevitable because the resentment you get becomes too much to handle.
2. They’ve ghosted exes before
This might be rare in some circles, but in the rave scene, it isn’t. Basically, there was a not-so-distant time when I was heavily involved in the NYC rave scene — and that came with knowing the tea on almost everyone’s dates.
I could tell you who ghosted who, who beat who, and who stole who’s drugs that one time in band camp. One thing I noticed is that the guys who "ghosted" dates often would be the first ones to break off relationships.
Speaking of, I’ll tell you another thing I noticed about blindsiders in long-term relationships…
3. They’ve gained a reputation for cheating on partners or "monkey-branching"
There’s a growing trend among both men and women to date people whom they like until something better comes along. This is known as "monkey-branching," and it often means that the person in question cheats on their current partner with their future partner.
People who monkey-branch are always looking for an Upgrade that will replace their Current. Their Upgrade might be wealthier, more famous, or just have the skills they need for free labor for a particular business. In rare occurrences, it’s simply a "looks" issue.
Either way, their end goal is always the same: to date higher and higher, until they get what they want. Sometimes, they never really stop. They don’t love any of their partners. They’re just using them.
If you feel like you may have been monkey-branched, or if your partner cheated on you only to come back after the other person dumped them, run. They will blindside you when they find the "Next Big Thing."
Do not think, for a moment, that you are different here. They may be nice to you now, but if Johnny Millionaire or Jenny Movie Star hit on them, you’re out.
4. You know that they have an obsession with keeping their reputation intact
Do you know who are the worst partners to have? The people who always, always need to have the validation of everyone around them to exist. They are always in need of being praised and looked up to.
The funny thing is, this is a key trait of a narcissist. Once a narcissist feels like they have you "in the bag," the value of your praise plummets. They also tend to be the first to dump someone that their friends don’t approve of, hide you in the shadows, or string you along.
These are the types of people who will suddenly bail when you want to take your relationship public or ask for more commitment. They’ll say they love you, act like everything is good, tell everyone else that you’re abusing them or cornering them into commitment, and then leave.
Boom. You suddenly have a bunch of people hating on you and you’re wondering what happened.
5. You’ve noticed that your partner has refused to take responsibility for things that he’s done with others
This is one of those things that you might not notice about a partner until it happens to you — or because you have been gaslit for so long, you think it really is your fault. That’s why it’s smart to see how your partner behaves with others.
Have they boasted to you about refusing to pay someone who worked for them? Have you seen them sneak off and hurt someone to get ahead, only to tell you that they somehow deserved it? Did it seem a little … off to you?
If you start to notice that they won’t take responsibility or that they will avoid having moments where they say they are the problem, watch out. People often forget that ghosting is a way to shirk responsibility and place it on others.
I may be wrong, but the same partner who says they don’t owe you an explanation for ghosting you after 10 years probably would end up finding other ways to justify their crappy behavior toward others.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.