10 Questions To Never Ask A Woman Under Any Circumstance
Never ask a stranger, much less a woman any of these things.
Shift Drive | Shutterstock You're standing in front of a woman — maybe she's a relative, or a new acquaintance, or a perfect stranger — and you're about to ask her a question. Something to spark a conversation, and elicit a response. Now, before the words stumble out, ask yourself one thing: Is this a good question, or an annoying question?
Here's how you'll know the difference: A good question is thoughtful, interesting, and engaging. It's rooted in whatever is happening in that moment, rather than randomly spewed from a grab-bag of generic conversation starters.
Those are more likely to be annoying questions. Empty, boring, unoriginal. Annoying questions for a woman can be fully rooted in ignorance, or they might be clouded with passive aggression and judgment. Our eyes roll just the same.
Here are ten questions to never ask a woman under any circumstances:
1. 'Are you tired?'
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What she hears: "Wow, you look terrible."
No one aspires to look tired. You don't see us asking Sephora employees for help with that "exhaustion" eye makeup trend. Generally, we're buying makeup to cover up the fact our eyes are sunken into purplish puffs, and our skin is dull and parched.
And so, if we're not all that tired (maybe we just skipped the mascara this morning), we're left thinking: What's wrong with my face?
2. 'How do you do it all?'
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What she hears: "You do do it all, don't you? Your life looks so perfect... isn't it? You have it all together... right?"
Of course, we don't do it all! What kind of question is that? Do you know how much "all" encompasses? Can you narrow your focus, just a smidge?
We either end up listing our sacrifices and shortcomings in some kind of uncomfortable rebuttal or we laugh it off, internally remembering all of the ways we're falling short. It's just an unnecessary, annoying question with no real response. Skip.
This is often considered problematic because it reinforces gender stereotypes, minimizes the challenges women face in juggling multiple roles, and can come across as dismissive or patronizing.
Evidence from 2013 research concluded that it implies that managing a busy life is somehow superhuman for a woman rather than a common experience for people of all genders.
Some other options include: "How do you manage your time so effectively?" or "What are some of the challenges you face in balancing your different roles?"
3. 'What are you waiting for?'
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What she hears: "Hurry!!!"
Why aren't we married? Why haven't we had a kid yet? Why don't we have another kid yet?
We need to have a girl (or a boy if we already have girls at home), we need to freeze our eggs, we need to find a husband, we need to start that business... what are you waiting for?!
Whether it's our family size, fertility decisions, career goals, or marital situations, we don't need to justify or explain our personal choices — and we sure as hell don't need to be pressured into them.
4. 'Wow, is it that time of the month?'
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What she hears: "Your emotions and thoughts hold less weight because, ya know, periods and all."
Nothing invalidates a woman's feelings like this clever question — as if our bodies are momentarily snatched by blood-leaking zombies who strictly operate to their hormonal coding.
As if the blood is coming directly from our brains, and can't... form... rational... sentences. Ignore us. Check back in 3 to 7 days.
2011 research found this is considered inappropriate because it perpetuates harmful stereotypes about female behavior, implying that a woman's emotions or reactions are solely due to her menstrual cycle. This is often seen as a way to dismiss her genuine feelings and potentially undermine her agency.
5. 'What do you do all day? (said to a stay-at-home mom)
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What she hears: "Wow, your life sounds boring."
What are you expecting to gain from this question? A rundown of her daily stay-at-home-mom duties? A hushed admission that, yes, just as you suspected, she secretly does nothing all day long — you got her!
Are you trying to make her stutter defensively, or weep out of sheer insecurity? Are you looking for a daily play-by-play, or maybe — maybe! — do you want to pick a better question?
6. 'Aren't you a little young/old for that?'
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What she hears: "Psssh. You can't do that."
The fascinating thing about being a woman is realizing that there's a very small 3-to-4-year window where a woman isn't "too young" or "too old" — a brief period between "slow down!" and "hurry up!"
So please don't judge our accomplishments, goals, or choices based on our age; it's been done, ad nauseam. Any question circling our age deserves a big fat pass.
This is considered inappropriate because it often stems from societal pressures that value youth in women. Such a question feels like a judgment on her appearance and potentially undermines her self-worth, regardless of age.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology found it can also dismiss her capabilities based on a preconceived notion about her life stage. If you need to clarify something, use questions that encourage conversation and understanding rather than making judgments.
7. 'You're not a feminist, are you?'
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What she hears: "Wanna have an uncomfortable argument?"
This question is either followed up by a debate on what, exactly, the word "feminist" means (as we have some convoluted definitions), or it shuts down all future conversations forevermore.
In reality, this question only deserves one response: "I do think women and men deserve equal protection under the law, which, technically, is feminism." The end. So why bother starting it?
8. 'You know what causes that, right?' (said to a pregnant woman)
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What she hears: "Too stupid for birth control, dummy?"
Maybe you see a visibly pregnant woman pushing a grocery cart with three small kids trailing behind and you decide to be cute or witty with your little zinger. (And what are you expecting in return? "No, I'm not sure how I managed to get knocked up again, please, please, give me the answer!")
But before you say it, think. Then remember you don't have to be condescending today.
9. 'Should you be eating/drinking that?'
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What she hears: The noisy static of judgment.
Mind your business around my food. Whether it comes from a well-meaning friend or a judgy frenemy or a die-hard vegan, it's always an irritating question, in all of its varieties.
10. 'Are you pregnant?'
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What she hears: "Are you growing a human or just getting hefty around the middle?"
Listen to me carefully. Never, under any circumstance, ask this question without accepting that you might hear this dreaded response: "I'm not."
A 2020 study found this can invade her privacy and potentially trigger sensitive emotions related to fertility struggles, body image concerns, or past pregnancy losses.
It can make her feel uncomfortable or judged, even if the question is asked with good intentions. It's none of your business unless she shares that information.
Michelle Horton is a writer and advocate. Through the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, she speaks out for her sister and the countless other victims of domestic violence criminalized for their acts of survival. She's the author of Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds.