If A Person Has Magnetic Appeal, They'll Usually Display These 6 Unique Qualities
You draw people to you and keep them close, if you have these qualities.
PeopleImages by Yuri A | Shutterstock We've all been in conversations where we felt deeply connected to the person listening to us, like they really care what we're saying. It's a powerful feeling, one that makes you want to be around them more. Making people feel heard and respected is a key quality in people with magnetic appeal.
People often treat face-to-face communication like a background app on a phone: Something you passively acknowledge until a notification tells you to pay attention. Usually, that notification arrives with a sharp incrimination of, “You’re not listening to anything I’m saying.” But people who are magnetic and well-loved somehow always stay present.
So, how do you avoid giving people that "background app" feeling and become the person everyone wants to be around?
If a person has magnetic appeal, they'll usually display these six unique qualities
1. They consciously override tempting distractions during conversation
The real issue when it comes to listening isn’t necessarily people's phones — even though the phone is often a major distraction that keeps people from listening. The real issue is a lack of caring. It’s easy to lose sight of what matters, even when the thing that matters is that human being talking to you.
This is the situation everyone faces — but people who are magnetic know how to override the distractions that come from the inside and the out. It takes practice, but the benefits pay off in spaces for those people who draw people in and keep them close.
2. They practice 'Golden Eyes' skills
One great way to override this distractible circuitry and redirect your focus so you can actively listen. It is a practice called “Golden Eyes.”
The Golden Eyes idea comes from the work of author and philosopher Ken Wilber at the Integral Center. Simply put, it is a reminder to start every interaction with this thought:
What if this person in front of me was an incredibly wise being? What if they were more developed, more awakened, and more intelligent than I could ever imagine?
Whether it’s true that this person actually is more of these things doesn’t matter. The intention it creates makes all the difference. When you start to see others through “golden eyes,” you stop half-listening. You no longer treat people like insignificant chatter and choose to pay attention to them regardless. That's why you feel so magical and respected around magnetic people.
3. They use verbal cues and active listening
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Imagine having a conversation with someone that you admire. How would you show up in the conversation? Chances are you would be respectful, curious, and ready to listen. That's how magnetic people show up for every conversation.
Not only do they pay attention, they use verbal expressions to show they're engaged. A study published in the Western Journal of Communication showed that verbal behaviors expressed by the listener were the most likely to help people feel secure in the relationship and also emotional improvement.
That's how magnetic people draw you in and make you feel special — they treat everyone as if they have something wise or valuable to offer. And they probably do!
4. They treat everyone like enlightened beings
A beautiful thing occurs when you treat others as enlightened beings. You begin to hold the space for them to bring forth their highest potential.
This is often apparent in conversations with kids. When you treat children with the intelligence and maturity of an adult, engage in conversation with them they often rise to the occasion. Data explained by the Association of American Universities shows that children who had back-and-forth conversations with parents have better vocabularies and more active brains!
Conversely, when you infantilize them, they're likely to regress to immature patterns of interacting. In other words, how you approach the interaction can create the possibility for people to show up as the best version of themselves or the worst.
When you create space for their greatness, it draws their light out into the world. It’s not just with kids: The same holds for adults.
Magnetic people create a space for others to shine, and then step back and listen. It’s a spectacular thing to watch someone open up once permitted to shine and full undivided attention.
5. They make people feel valued
Imagine when someone treats you as a wise, developed person worthy of being listened to. How would it feel? Pretty good, right?
Humans want others to take an interest in who we are. It makes you feel validated, appreciated, and respected, as demonstrated by a study in Communication Research. The act of being seen as a wise person makes it more likely for you to bring these qualities forward within yourself, creating an upward spiral of good intention.
6. They work to eliminate miscommunication
You want to see and be seen, not just for who you are, but for who you may become.
The Golden Eyes practice highlights how your expectations of others, even if they’re unspoken, can influence how they show up.
By half-listening, you're not only being rude, but you're disempowering the other person. In turn, this creates a responsibility for you to call forth everyone’s best when you are in conversation.
The Gottman Institute explained, "Conflict is not only a catalyst for understanding, it’s also a vehicle for personal growth. I like to think of relationship conflict like an oyster. Oysters don’t intend to make beautiful pearls. Instead, pearls are a byproduct of the oyster reducing irritation created by grains of sand. In the same way, conflict can inadvertently create connection and closeness."
So the next time you’re interacting with someone, young or old, stranger or family, hold open the possibility they are more awakened and more developed than you are.
Doing so almost guarantees a conversation that is richer and more meaningful than you might ever have expected.
Jeff Siegel is a holistic wellness coach, life coach, and author with expertise in the field of wellness and personal development. He holds a Master's in Mind and Brain Education from Harvard University.