3 Ways To Increase Your Likability And Be More Charismatic, According To Psychology
How to be the most charming person in any room.
Matthew Hamilton | Unsplash Everyone wants to be likable, charismatic, and charming. I don’t think anyone feeds off of negativity and hate. For the most part, we regular folk, like to be liked. It’s part of our human nature, and there is nothing wrong with that.
But there are some habits, traits, qualities, and practices that people do or have that are irksome to others. Some of these quirks are unbeknownst to us, which can contribute to someone not liking us.
Because likability is crucial in dating, I wanted to draw your attention to some things over which you have control. So I thought I would share some easy tricks that make you more likable to women. I should preface this by saying that these are tricks to increase your likability and be more charming in a face-to-face setting.
Here are ways to increase your likability and be more charismatic:
1. Lean in when someone's speaking to you
When someone is talking to you and you communicate that you’re listening and interested in what your speaking partner has to say, then lean in. Leaning in is a non-verbal way to show that you’re engaged in the conversation. This is very simple and very important if you want people to like you and enjoy talking to you.
Leaning in makes people feel important and heard. Lean in softly to show that you want to be there, you want to listen, and you enjoy being there so much that you don’t want to miss a word that your speaking partner is saying.
Leaning in during a conversation is a positive nonverbal cue that signals interest, engagement, and attentiveness. It increases one's likability by conveying that one actively listens and genuinely cares about what the other person is saying. A 2016 study cautioned that leaning in too aggressively or constantly can appear overly eager or intrusive.
2. Ask thoughtful questions
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
When we converse with people, it’s easy to fall into the small talk trap. To avoid boring niceties, and to really try to form a connection with someone, ask them questions about themselves. Ask people questions that are more interesting than, "Where are you from?"
Ask questions that make a person think. For example, let’s say you’re on a first date with a girl and you want her to go on a second date with you; this conversation is going to be pretty important. So get her talking about herself and her passions.
Ask questions like, "What do you do in your spare time?", "What made you choose the career you’re currently in?", and "If money wasn’t an issue, what would you want to spend your time doing?"
When you get people excited to share their stories with you, it makes them want to spend more time with you because this is a topic that they are experts on themselves. So ask thoughtful and thought-provoking questions to make yourself seem like the best candidate to date.
Asking thoughtful questions increases your likability because it demonstrates genuine interest in the other person, signals active listening, and makes them feel valued. 2021 research found that this ultimately leads to a stronger connection and a perception of you as more responsive and caring. Engaging in a question-and-answer exchange naturally creates a back-and-forth dynamic, which helps to build rapport and ease in a conversation.
3. Use the other person's name a lot
People love the sound of their names. Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People says words to the effect that a person’s name is the sweetest and most important in any language. Using someone’s name communicates respect and acceptance, which leads to trust and liking.
When we’re born, our name is how we individualize ourselves. It’s how we distinguish ourselves from others. It’s our title, our identification, and it can often tie us to our family and the larger community. So it’s no shock that we love hearing it.
So when you use someone’s name, it pulls them into you because you have recognized them as unique individuals. This makes that person more drawn to you.
If we think of the opposite scenario, when someone forgets our name, it makes us feel just that: forgettable, which is no way to make someone like you, let alone become attracted to you. It’s hurtful when we feel like we don’t leave enough of an impression on someone that they can’t even remember our name.
It’s so simple. So it makes sense that when you want someone to like you, in conversation, you say their name.
These are just some very simple ways that you can make yourself more attractive to be around. You can use these in romantic situations, in the workplace, and in school, for example. They are meant to help you get ahead in life.
Likable people make sure they use others' names whenever they see them. However, you shouldn't use someone's name only when you greet them. Research from a 2017 study shows that people feel validated when the person they're speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation.
Kate Spring is a men's dating & attraction coach who works with clients from around the world to help get them the girl they want. She is the author of the best-selling "Obsession Method" program.