People Who Always Feel Drained After Social Events Usually Have These 11 Habits
Is it the events that make you feel drained, or is it just the way you see things?
Rachata Teyparsit / Shutterstock Before 2020, I used to be far more extroverted as a person. I was the type to get energized from social interactions. I lived for it. I breathed for it. Around that time, being forced to slow down made that go away pretty fast, or so I remember.
During the pandemic, I picked up certain habits that made it harder and harder to enjoy going out to events. These habits, in particular, tended to be the ones that hit my enjoyment the hardest.
People who always feel drained after social events usually have these 11 habits
1. Using quiet time as 'me' time
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I know this sounds weird, but quiet time wasn’t always “me time” back in the day. It was chore time. It was a time when I would have to clean, cook, or write. It was not for me as much as it was the maintenance of me. Quiet made me panic because it meant I had extra work to do.
When the pandemic happened, that flipped. I had to learn to take quiet time for myself. After I learned to enjoy the quiet, I found it very hard to get loud again.
2. Being the designated driver
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Going out to a party is a lot of fun when you know you can drink and still remain safe. At least, that's true for me. That’s why some of the most reckless people you know might have a friend who’s always the DD or “babysitter.”
While you can be a DD and still have a fun time, the truth is that it’s still draining to be on the watch for everyone around you. Being stuck in that role every time a major outing happens can turn a sense of joy into a low-key sense of dread. After all, being the designated driver still means doing a chore, even if it is a fun one.
3. Hanging out with energy vampires
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Energy vampires are people who seem to thrive on coming up with draining conversations that make you feel awful. These are often the people who bring up politics at the dinner table, trauma-dump on friends, and ask them difficult questions.
The American Psychological Association notes that as many as 21% of people became estranged from a family member over controversial topics. So, if you’ve been getting drained to the point of being unable to tolerate hearing them anymore, it may be time to cut ties.
4. Doormatting
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Speaking of being around energy vampires, did you ever notice how the most draining people tend to be the ones who push people’s boundaries? It’s not just your imagination. Having people who disrespect boundaries is a very emotionally draining experience.
If you have a tendency to let people take advantage of you or otherwise overstep boundaries, it’s not surprising to hear that your social battery feels a little drained. Many therapists suggest working on personal boundaries if you constantly feel like going out is a major issue.
Truth be told, no one would argue with you if you just start to duck out of conversations with boundary pushers, except the boundary pushers themselves.
5. Accepting loads of criticism
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For reasons beyond my understanding, some people just end up drawing lots of critique from, well, everyone. Literally, everyone. It’s almost as if they have a target on their heads.
If you’re one of those people who just seem to attract the worst in people’s remarks, it shouldn’t be surprising if you feel drained. That’s a normal reaction to near-constant put-downs.
6. Doomscrolling
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Ah, doomscrolling. It’s a solo habit that includes you looking at social media, often reading up on the worst, most depressing stuff that you can get your grubby paws on. Sound familiar? If that’s your jam, I've got some news for you.
It could be burning you out. Studies show that doomscrolling can exacerbate mental health issues, which can (in turn) cause people to feel more drained by the people around them. Doomscrolling often makes us see the worst in people. I mean, if you’re constantly reading terrible stories, you shouldn’t be surprised when you feel on edge and drained.
7. Being the host
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Everyone loves the person who’s the “hostess with the mostest,” primarily because they are the ones who make sure that everything goes without a hitch. They’re the ones cooking, cleaning, serving drinks, planning, but are they the ones enjoying it all?
If you’re like many hosts, your time actually socializing gets cut short because you have to do everything. It can lead to resentment over time, but more importantly, it can make you associate socializing with work. That can lead you to feeling burnt out by things that should feel good.
8. Being the mediator
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In many social settings, there are always people who bicker and squabble over little things. Whether it’s a matter of trying to figure out which movie or trying to figure out which opinion is right doesn’t matter. Squabbles tend to suck the fun out of things.
If you’re the one who tends to take on the responsibilities of a mediator, then you likely have been a bit burnt out by your own social life. No one wants to be stuck diffusing spicy situations on a regular basis. It may be time to get away from people's drama.
9. Being an ATM
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When you get invited out to an event, do you often find yourself being the one who ends up plunking down all the cash for it? Even when your friends swear it “won’t cost a thing,” someone inevitably ends up “forgetting their wallet," don’t they?
If this sounds like you, you probably feel drained in more ways than one. It’s likely that your friends are taking advantage of you. As someone who’s been the “friendly wallet,” I advise you to back away from those people. They aren’t good for you.
10. Listening to stressful chatter
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There was a friend of mine I used to have who would make me feel flattened every single time that I’d invite her over. She’d remind me of all the stuff I had to do afterward, tell me how I’d never get done with it all, and make me anxious. Eventually, I blew up at her and cut contact. I don’t know why she did that, but I do know that my habit of patiently listening to her chop up my plans and load up my platter with stuff that was already making my blood pressure rise wasn’t helping.
It doesn’t always have to be a political matter. Sometimes, just dealing with someone who won’t stop talking about things that upset you is reason enough to feel drained.
11. Being the odd man out
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Did you ever have a moment when you were invited to a party, only to have absolutely no one there talk to you? Like, at all? I have been there too many times, and it’s so draining, it’s not even funny.
After a while, I realized I felt less drained by just staying at home. And sometimes? It’s the healthiest thing you can do.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
