6 Magic Phrases The Smartest People Use To Smooth Over Conflict, According To Experts
These phrases resolve conflict rather than amplify the problem.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Conflict is never much fun. It can start with a disagreement or a misunderstanding. Then, in almost no time at all, the conflict will flare up into a raging battle as soon as emotion takes over. The conflict enters a spiral of escalation, with both sides caught in the swirling chaos of never backing down or letting go.
The smartest people have a greater awareness of emotional control and recognize how important giving a little is when immersed in conflict with another person. The difference between smoothing over conflict or ending the relationship on bad terms can often come down to a few magical phrases.
Here are magic phrases the smartest people use to smooth over conflict:
1. 'Let’s focus on solving this rather than assigning blame'
fizkes via Shutterstock
Life coach Sidhharrth S Kumaar recommends this phrase to help transform the conversation from an approach of conflict by blaming, to an approach of resolution through problem-solving.
2. 'Help me understand your perspective'
fizkes via Shutterstock
By asking for elaboration on their perspective, adds coach Kumaar, it subtly puts the other person in a position to explain themselves, which can reveal flaws in their arguments once they hear themselves saying it.
3. 'Thank you for telling me about that'
Chay_Tee via Shutterstock
You can disagree with someone on the facts or principles, advises career coach Lisa Petsinis, but to effectively deal with a conflict, it’s essential to establish a foundation of respect and understanding. When someone feels heard, it opens the door to a more productive resolution. By sharing, “Thank you for sharing your perspective,” you’re validating the other’s point of view without necessarily agreeing with it.
This shows respect for the other person’s feelings and thoughts, creates space for understanding, and de-escalates the conflict. This simple, yet powerful phrase demonstrates empathy, opening the door to better problem-solving and cooperation. It’s a smart way to keep conversations productive, allowing both sides to work together to find a solution.
4. 'I can understand how you feel that way'
Krakenimages.com via Shutterstock
Therapist Gloria Brame knows emotionally intelligent people don't lose their cool or resort to verbal punches when conflicts arise. They begin by letting the other person know they were heard and their feelings are acknowledged.
Nothing frustrates people more than feeling their opinions are being dismissed or ridiculed. By treating them respectfully, you create the opportunity to have a more productive and peaceful conservation, even if your opinions differ.
They may say things like, "Thank you for speaking your mind. I can see how you feel that way," or, "Can you explain that more fully so I get where you're coming from?" Such phrases are apt to assure the other person you are listening and interested in learning more about their point of view. That usually defuses the tension and de-escalates conflict. It opens the door to a calmer, more productive conversation.
5. 'What is the problem we can address together?'
fizkes via Shutterstock
From that shared understanding you can explore opportunities for mutual benefit, states career consultant Ruth Schimel.
Some common interests may be obvious or hinted at by similar experiences. Another approach is to explore together how to address issues or problems in common. Perhaps start with these actions:
- Discuss ideas for handling the shared issue or problem.
- Identify fears, anxieties, and areas of discomfort as a basis for opening frank conversation, transcending blocks, and doing mutual problem-solving. Emotions are often the motor force behind decision-making.
- Explore hopes and dreams together to appreciate where common proactive opportunities are.
6. Don't say anything, practice active listening instead
fizkes via Shutterstock
It’s very easy to "unload" on your partner; it’s harder to listen. Active listening takes practice, asserts psychotherapist Joan E. Childs.
When you actively listen, you use all your senses to listen attentively to what your partner is saying. You convey interest through nonverbal cues, like eye contact and head nodding, or verbal signals such as saying "yes" or "mhmm" to encourage the speaker to continue.
Many people want to jump in and battle with their tongues. If you learn to listen, you'll be surprised at what you learn.
Your partner may have said something you missed by jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. Good listening is at least 50 percent of effective communication. Sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s what you hear.
Conflict resolution is a skill to be learned, practiced, and adapted to the person, situation, time, and place. It takes courage and foresight to be the person who can take the first step in de-escalating the evocative emotions of conflict. The first step is done inside themselves by regulating their reactions so they can respond in ways to seek solutions rather than amplify the problem.
Once the emotional turmoil inside is calmed, it is much easier to use a de-escalating phrase and begin working toward solutions.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.