It Still 'Takes A Village To Raise A Child' — But That Village Looks Completely Different For Today's Parents, According To A New Survey
Child-rearing is still a group effort, but parents rely on far more than family to get it done today.
digitalskillet | Getty Images Signature | Canva Pro Child-rearing has never been easy, but you could certainly argue that it's harder now than ever. The staggering cost of childcare, our punishing work culture, and the way most of us live far from our families all add up to an uphill battle.
As such, the old saying that "it takes a village to raise a child" has probably never been more true. However, a new survey shows that what that means for today's parents is wildly different from what it meant a generation or two ago.
'The village' has changed for today's parents by shifting away from family.
If you ask many parents today, they'll tell you the proverbial "village" no longer exists. The days of grandma and grandpa helping with childcare and of other parents in the community watching out for each other seem to have largely evaporated.
That's a stark difference from how today's parents grew up themselves, according to a new survey of 2,000 parents with kids ages 0-6 conducted by Talker Research. Parents surveyed recalled spending substantial time with people other than their parents while growing up.
Their parents' "village" relied heavily on family: 60% said they spent the most time with their grandmothers, while 51% said they spent the most time with their aunts. Grandfathers and uncles came in at 41%, and just behind them was their mother's best friend at 38%. But those trends have flip-flopped entirely for the current generation.
Today's parents say their 'village' has pivoted dramatically toward their friends rather than family.
My, what a difference a generation makes. Talker's research found that 86% of today's parents say they have an entirely different support system than their parents did when they were young.
Grandparents still top the list — more than half of current parents said they chiefly rely upon their own parents for help with their kids, just like back in the day. However, it's the middle of the "village" where a huge shift seems to have occurred.
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Rather than aunts and uncles forming the middle tier of the "village," today's parents are leaning on friends — 33% of parents said they are more likely to engage their friends for help with child-rearing than they are to rely on their aunts and uncles or other family members.
There are surely many reasons for this, but chief among them for Talker's respondents was an issue that has become increasingly common: strained, or at least less close, relationships with family. Twenty-seven percent of respondents said their village has shifted to friends for this reason, and 25% said they lean on friends so as not to repeat their own parents' patterns.
However, parents also say they struggle to make friends, which makes the shift more difficult.
If you're like a lot of parents today, you're probably wondering where these people are getting all these wonderful friends willing to help them with their kids! After all, we are in the throes of a pretty well-documented loneliness epidemic, and in studies on the matter, today's adults regularly report difficulty forming friendships in adulthood.
Talker's respondents were no different. Nearly a third said they struggle to make friends as adults and 24% said that the circle of friends they do have is mostly composed of people they've met after having kids.
By far, the biggest source of adult friendships for parents is the parents of their children's friends — 83% said they've made friendships in adulthood primarily in this way.
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Today's parents are also leaning heavily on a resource you might not expect — their kids' childcare providers and teachers. Among respondents, 89% said they consider these figures to be a part of their "village" and actively lean on them for advice or support an average of 12 times a month.
According to one educator, that's as it should be. "Raising children today is like steering a ship through a storm," said Dr. Lauren Loquasto, senior vice president and chief academic officer at The Goddard School, which commissioned Talker's study. “I encourage all parents to take full advantage of their entire network, including their school and childcare provider."
The composure of the "village" may have changed over the years, but the need for it hasn't gone anywhere.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.