Mom Argues That It Doesn’t ‘Take A Village' To Raise A Family — It Takes ‘A Lot Of Sacrifice’
"The village is not for everyone."
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock We've all heard that "it takes a village" to raise children. Of course, community is invaluable for parents, and the help of family members, neighbors, and loved ones should not be understated.
Yet one mom on TikTok insisted that parenting doesn't actually take a village but something else entirely.
The mom argued that it doesn't 'take a village' to raise a family; it takes 'a lot of sacrifice.'
"You know it doesn't really take a village, right?" the mom, Nelly, began her video. "That's just old, bitter, toxic women trying to force their way into your life, telling you it takes a village. It doesn't. It takes a lot of sacrifice."
Nelly explained that at the beginning of her parenting journey, she assumed that she was supposed to have a village of people behind her, helping her every step of the way. However, that arrangement didn't work for her and her partner.
"Those people created more stress than just us raising these children ourselves," she admitted.
"It's easier for us to do it alone than have that blood village come help," the mom added, "because that blood village comes with stipulations."
The mom isn't entirely opposed to the help of a 'village,' however.
While her so-called "blood village" was more stress-inducing than helpful, she isn't without the support of loved ones.
"I would rather ... create my own little village of friends that I can rely on to help pick up my kids or watch my kids for a little bit or call in case I need help," Nelly said.
In her experience, family members held their help over her head and attempted to assert control. She claimed that she'd rather pay for childcare and turn to her friends for help than allow that to continue.
"The village is not for everyone," she remarked. "I'm pretty sure the village is on its way out. What parenting really takes is sacrifice, a lot of your time, money, energy, and love. You don't need a village. It's a privilege to be part of this world. You should be grateful."
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Parenting is inherently stressful and demanding.
Parents face a staggering amount of pressure to be "perfect" — something that is simply not possible.
In the U.S., roughly one in three parents say that parenting is stressful "most of the time," according to data from a 2023 survey by the Pew Research Center.
Add on the pressure of the current economy and the financial burdens of parenthood, and it's no wonder parents are stressed.
Just over half of lower-income parents say they have not had enough money for food or to pay their rent or mortgage. By comparison, 17% of middle-income parents say the same about each of these items, according to another Pew Research Center survey. Others admit to struggling to afford health care and childcare.
For some, having a "village" is a good way to relieve some of the pressures and stresses of parenthood. However, for others, like Nelly, it only adds another burden.
Ultimately, those in your village should be there to love and support your family. If they aren't doing that, then they were never truly a part of your "village" to begin with.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.