14 Habits Of Soft Men, According To Psychology
Soft sounds like a good thing, but with these guys, it's a warning sign.
Andres Ayrton | Canva The soft man appears to be gentle. He seems so lovelorn and sweet. And he'll rip your heart out, sleep with all your friends, and make you want to wring his neck.
The problem with soft men is they seem so adorably approachable and respectful. They seem so ready to commit, and that's why they're so obnoxiously brutal when you deal with them.
Not sure if the guy you're talking to is a soft man? Look for these warning signs next time you hear from him.
Here are the habits of soft men, backed by psychology:
1. They bring up their ex
He often will tell you about the terrible, horrible, no-good very bad heartache his ex wreaked on him soon after you meet him. He may even talk about how committed he was to her, only to have her leave and smash his heart into tiny pieces.
Generally speaking, a guy who talks about his ex this way is often either abusive or otherwise bad for you, as suggested by a study in the Journal of Couple and Family Psychology. With soft men, they do this so they can show how sensitive they are and they hope you'll give them slack.
2. They apologize and then repeat the action
Rather, he will give you the saddest puppy dog eyes and tell you he's "so sorry." Then, he'll do it again. And again. And again. Until you realize he's a soft man.
3. They constantly talk about their creative spirit
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He might even actually be an artist for hire. However, this often will come into play as an excuse when he realizes you're looking for a commitment from him. More often than not, he'll tell you he has to "focus on his art".
4. They are hard to be angry at
You can't get angry at this guy. He makes you feel like a monster for it. Research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology supported how the soft man is a master at wielding guilt trips and might even be better at it than your mom.
5. They are pseudo-romantic and never broach commitment
This is the kind of man who will send you videos of romantic songs from your favorite movie, but will be quick to tell you the two of you are "just friends." He'll cook for you and hold you all night but insist there's no way you two will end up dating. After all, you're just friends. Maybe friends with benefits.
6. They are excused as being sensitive and young at heart
The problem with some soft men is they play up their childlike innocence, much to the detriment of whoever is interested in them at the time. They will use that boyish charm to wheedle their way into everyone's hearts if only to make sure they have girls second-guessing their decision to date others.
7. They are wrapped up in their emotions
Of course, he is. He's "going through things" and will "need time to decide." But, oh! He's so tortured! Can't you just forgive him for bailing just this once? He'd never do anything to hurt you!
8. They are upfront about seeing someone else
But it doesn't mean he won't string you along. Rather, he will typically frame it as "it'll never work out with her," or "but it's not serious quite yet."
9. They might play two people against each other
You may know of each other. He may make it so you both flaunt him around one another. He's doing this to get a rise out of you. And if you argue about it, he will paint you to be the unreasonable one, as demonstrated by a study in the Personal Relationships Journal. He'll apologize, maybe whine, and then tell you it's "just so hard to choose!"
10. They swear they are different
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He's not like those other guys with their club-ready clothing or their football jerseys. He's different! Can't you see? He knows how to treat a woman because he's not like those other guys!
11. They wax poetic about chivalry
He will regularly bring up how important it is to treat a woman right, or about how chivalrous he is. He'll bring up how his mom made sure to teach him right from wrong, but it's not hard to notice his words don't match his actions. Research from The American Psychological Association showed how this type of benevolent sexism upholds inequality While he's not flat-out rude, he's still oddly indifferent and casual toward someone who likes him.
12. They say, "Yeah... eventually" to commitment
In other words, he makes a point of telling you a committed relationship is in the distant future. Oddly enough, he never makes a point of telling you it's with you.
13. They are Mama's boys
Don't ask us why, but for some reason, soft men tend to also double up as mama's boys. It might just be the way he's raised, or it may be the fact he's picked up on how his dad treats his mom, as explored by research in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. Either way, it's a landmine for any poor girl who gets involved. Run, quick!
14. They bounce in and out of your life
He might have changed clothes, but his personality sure stayed the same. Trust us on this. Once a soft man, always a soft man.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.