20 Habits Of Pathological Liars, Backed By Research
A false sense of self leads pathological liars away from knowing right and wrong.
Curated Lifestyle | Unsplash Pathological liars are rare to find, but not that rare. There’s still a decent chance you might know one, and if you notice certain signs, you can figure out they're a pathological liar before it’s too late.
Pathological liars are affected by low self-esteem or a false sense of self. They want to create a positive view or present themselves in a way that makes them appealing to others.
Pathological lying differs from other types of lying (like habitual lying, compulsive lying, or occasional lying) because pathological liars live in a false sense of self, while other types of liars know right from wrong.
Speaking as someone who has come across them in the past, these are the most common habits you’re dealing with someone who is a pathological liar.
Here are the twenty habits of pathological liars:
1. They tell others little lies, just because they can
The funny thing about pathological liars is they don’t just lie about big things — it’s small things too. They just lie for lying’s sake, according to research from The American Psychological Association (APA). As a result, this is the most telltale sign they're a pathological liar and might also be clinically diagnosed.
2. They tell stories you can prove wrong
Pathological liars don't care about reality, they care about lying. This move is one of the most common ways that pathological liars gaslight victims and is often the first step for a pathological liar to become abusive.
3. Their lying habits are well known
Though this is not always the case, the majority of the time when people warn you about someone, it’s for good reason. If multiple different people warn you that they're a liar, chances are that the warnings are legit.
4. Their stories change all the time
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With all the tall tales pathological liars weave, it’s impossible to keep up with all the little details. APA research supported how their stories change details, chances are they're lying regularly.
5. Their excuses don’t make sense
Ever notice how liars tend to mix up excuses or use illogical ideas to defend their tales? Pathological liars do that pretty commonly too.
6. They're terrible at keeping in touch
Pathological liars aren’t just liars in most cases, they’re cheaters or are straight-up living double lives. This makes keeping in touch pretty difficult in many situations, which is why this is a major warning sign you should watch out for.
7. They seem too perfect at first
If there’s one thing that these kinds of people are talented at, it’s making a first impression. They have this ability to appear downright angelic and perfect at first glance. However, you know the old saying: if it appears too good to be true, it probably is.
8. They can’t stay away from the spotlight
Attention-seeking behavior and compulsive lying tend to go hand in hand, primarily because this type of liar usually starts doing it as a way to get the attention they never got from their family. They will bend the truth, fish for compliments, and just do what they can to stand out.
9. Their self-esteem seems pretty low beneath their bravado
For all the posturing and bragging pathological liars do, they don’t think highly of themselves. As a result, they lie so they can become the person they wish they could be. If you notice signs of low self-esteem combined with lies that aren’t sensible, someone may be a pathological liar.
10. They won't confront the truth when they're caught in a lie
Pathological liars double down on their tall tales and, at times, will even lash out violently when they’re caught. Should you notice that they refuse to acknowledge the truth, it’s time to run. It will only get worse from here.
11. They get defensive about certain questions
Pathological liars need to keep their reality intact. As a result, if you get close to the truth or ask a question that could lead you to the truth, a pathological liar will most likely get aggressively defensive.
12. They evade being called out on a lie
Believe it or not, this is a tactic used by both politicians and pathological liars, according to a study in the Political Studies Association Journal. The goal here is to stall you so that they can think of an appropriate answer for you.
13. They lack empathy for others but seem so sweet when they need something
Though this is not always the case, pathological liars are often sociopaths who use their lying to manipulate others. If you notice they have no empathy for anyone but you, understand that they're not empathetic toward you either.
14. They make other people question themselves
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This is the biggest side effect of hanging out with a pathological liar. Trust me, it’s not you, it’s them, as shown by research from the Journal of Neurology.
15. Their manipulation is hard to prove
Most people who are in the company of a pathological liar will eventually feel manipulated and used, even though they may not always have proof of it. If you’re getting that vibe, they may be a pathological liar.
16. They play people off each other
If this happens, watch out! Pathological liars often will stir up drama for drama’s sake, and they may be lying about you to other people. If you notice this, it may be time to talk to people to find out what’s going on.
17. They show no remorse when caught
This is the “pathological” aspect of pathological lying, I’d wager. People who habitually lie don’t show remorse.
18. They cancel dates at the last minute or get flaky
Do they suddenly drop off the face of the Earth for no apparent reason? This could be a sign they're a pathological liar, simply because most people who have this condition also hide addictions, including an addiction to cheating.
19. Their personality changes depending on who they're around
Though we all have this trait, with pathological liars it’s more pronounced. This is because pathological liars need to have people see themselves as perfect, and everyone’s idea of perfection is different.
20. They have an addiction of some sort
Pathological liars are very rarely, if ever, liars for lying’s sake alone. They often are hiding addictions or a severe personality disorder that triggers the lying.
The science behind pathological liars and why they act the way they do isn't clear if pathological lying is a condition itself or a symptom of another condition, as supported by a review in the Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law.
However, there are many theories of what causes someone to lie pathologically:
- Habit or compulsion: Pathological liars may lie out of habit or feel the need to lie.
- Personality disorder: Some personality disorders may also cause pathological lying, including antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders.
- Munchausen syndrome: Pathological lying could be a symptom of Munchausen syndrome. According to The Nursing Clinics of North America, Munchausen is a "rare psychological and behavioral condition in which somebody fabricates or induces symptoms of illness in themselves."
- Childhood trauma: Childhood trauma could incite people to pathologically lie because they need the love or attention they didn't get as a child. Or, they could have endured a tragedy that caused them to create a fantasy.
A good friend of mine had the grave misfortune of dating a pathological liar. Like many toxic people out there, the signs of a pathological liar weren't obvious at first. They seemed to be pretty cool and, if anything, appeared to have a rough life that involved a lot of tragedy and wild adventures.
We loved to hear their stories and just enjoyed being around them. Then, the drama started. First, they claimed one girl was stalking them. She had no idea who they were, and this made my friend start to wonder if she got the story wrong. Next, they started to spread rumors about my friend — bad ones.
Trouble continued to brew and my friend started to second-guess herself. Eventually, word got out they were a pathological liar. She dumped them, but the damage was done.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.