6 Signs You're Dealing With A Snake In Your Social Circle, According To Psychology
Subtle indicators someone is being sneaky in your friend group.
Estela Yamuna's | Unsplash Have you ever had the feeling that something has changed in your relationship with an individual or group? There's always a strong possibility that someone has spread lies about you that you're not aware of.
And when people lie about you, it changes everything. Liars seek to diminish your value to another individual or organization and are very adept at casting aspersions.
The lies don't have to be involved or extreme — they just have to cast enough "shade" to cause others to value the individual less. When you're dealing with a snake in your social circle, that kind of person often spreads lies that they hope will get you rejected by someone, removed from a group, or, at the very least, diminish your influence.
Here are the signs you're dealing with a snake in your social circle, according to psychology:
1. There's a change in behavior
Pay attention to their behavior and body language. When you arrive, nobody says "hello" like they once did. Nobody extends their hand first or moves physically to greet you when you arrive.
Assuming you have had no interaction with the individual or group before the behavioral interaction change, the only explanation would be that someone has undermined you in some way and to your detriment.
2. There's increased silence in your presence
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When people don't talk in your presence, there's usually a reason. There may be things they want to discuss that they don't want you to know about. Or you may be the subject of what they are talking about and they don't want you to overhear their conversation.
Depending on the context and relationship, an increase in silence around you could stem from various factors, including a shift in dynamic, a perceived threat, or even a desire for space and reflection. A 2023 study explained that in a group setting, silence might result from someone feeling uncomfortable or unsure how to contribute.
3. There's less eye contact being made
Pay attention to their facial expressions. When people change their behavior because of something someone has told them and not because of something the individual in question has done, they do feel some guilt. They know what they are doing is not based on anything the individual deserves and they feel badly about what they are doing, so it's difficult to look the person in the eye.
4. There's a feeling of being left out
Some people also may no longer seek your opinion when making plans and decisions the way they did before. You will certainly have a sense of being left out.
Feeling left out of a social circle, or social exclusion, can trigger a range of negative consequences, including emotional distress, impaired self-regulation, and even physical health problems. This highlights the importance of social connection for well-being. Research suggests that venturing outside your social circle can expose you to additional social connections, which can be beneficial.
5. They're not as warm and friendly as before
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There's no informal touching when talking, greeting, or leaving. You may feel that they are being cold and aloof.
Social disconnection and the perceived lack of friendliness within social circles can stem from various factors, including changes in communication habits, evolving priorities, and the natural ebb and flow of relationships. A 2024 study concluded that strong social connections are crucial for mental and physical well-being, supporting and reducing stress and promoting a sense of belonging.
6. Something just feels off
There's a feeling you can't put your finger on. Something is just off, but you know you've done nothing to warrant these changes. What do you do when you realize someone has been lying about you?
Reinforce their positive feelings by maintaining your consistent behavior and remaining above reproach. Don’t change your behavior by hopping on the defensive or distrusting them because that may play into the hands of the snake.
Do the same things you did before that encouraged the individual or group to bring you into their environment. Exhibit the same positive, friendly, informative behavior you did before their feelings seemed to change.
Hopefully, you will be able to get to the bottom of things through the changed individual or a member of the changed group at some point in time, to see what the liar said or to get someone to confide in you what they suspect to be the problem. You should be able to outlast the lies and dispel their concerns sufficiently to raise questions about the individual trying to undermine your presence.
The more your behavior is contrary to the lie, the sooner people will realize they are in error and should be more concerned about the liar. There may be a point at which you can jokingly state, "If I didn’t know better, I would think someone was spreading lies about me behind my back."
Someone may come and tell you what happened. The important thing is to stay a part of the group or maintain your relationship with the changed individual long enough to clear your name determine who the culprit is and expose them for the liar they are.
You can only do that if you maintain a positive and productive demeanor and presence so that you will be kept around long enough to get to the bottom of the lies and make the individual pay for what they did. Do not allow your hurt feelings or anger to get the best of you.
Never allow your adrenaline to supersede your clarity. Keep it together to rectify the situation. Success is the best revenge.
The culprit is trying to get rid of you, so if you leave or act out, you will enable them to justify your removal. Do not, under any circumstances, give them the satisfaction of seeing you out of control. Just hang in there long enough to win!
Parthenia Izzard is a psychologist, Certified Natural Healthcare Practitioner, author, radio talk show host, and the founder and President of Alternative Medicine Therapies.