Follow This Backwards Law To Become Wealthier And More Popular
Use this life law to become happier, wealthier, and well-liked.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock Confession: I was the kid who would cry because everyone hated them. I was the one who was desperate for affection and acceptance.
I would chase people down and ask, no, demand an explanation as to why they didn’t like me.
Most of my teenage and adult years were spent trying to desperately find that core group of friends that would make me calm down. I just wanted someone, anyone to show me that I was enough. I just needed to not feel alone when I was in a crowd of people.
If you’ve been there, then you know exactly what people tell you to do. When people would give me advice, they’d tell me to "stop caring what others think."
Admittedly, this is the most awkward advice for a person who has no friends around them for one reason or another. I mean, there’s a certain point where desperation becomes the de facto mindset for a person — and I get that.
Aggravating and general as the advice was, there is some truth to it. Let me introduce you to The Backwards Law.
The Backwards Law says that the more you try, the less you achieve what you truly want.
I want to point out that this law does not work on things that require trying hard and working hard for a goal — like fitness or work-based career moves.
If you don’t put in a job application, you ain’t getting hired. If you don’t work to better your skills, not many people will want you.
This is a law that is more about things like achieving happiness, getting social connections, and having a better mindset. The best way to describe it is as follows:
- The more we try hard to chase after relationships, the less likely we are to achieve them. This is often why desperate people end up chasing away others. They’re trying so hard that it comes off as predatory, disingenuous, or unhinged.
- People do not trust or respect people who try too hard. It comes off as being unhinged, obsessive, or just showing a lack of capability.
- The more we focus on attaining a goal, the more upset we are when we haven’t achieved it. Think about the wannabe millionaire who throws a fit when they don’t get millions. Or the person who wants to fit in with a crowd but ends up flipping out because they can’t quite do it.
- We also don’t always know what we want because we often can’t define it. Did you ever get what you ask for, only to have yourself go, "Hmm, okay. Why did this not solve anything?" Yep. This is that in action. We often think we know what we want, but end up chasing something that doesn’t really fix anything.
- The more we want, the less we feel we have. I’ve heard of people who earn $400,000 a year who still live paycheck to paycheck. This is proof in the proverbial pudding.
The more I looked at my life, the more I noticed it was true.
I think we all know a person who gave 1000% into a relationship, only to be neglected and dumped. I know I was that person.
Oddly enough, when I became detached from the idea of being with a partner, that’s when people insisted on dating me right.
When I was broke, I would constantly pitch every employer to give me more money. I gave them my all and was often abused and underpaid as a result. It was only when I walked away from them or stopped caring that they began to care.
Every time I worked super hard to achieve something, including my college life, I failed miserably.
The most rampant successes I had all started with the same energy. It was literally me going, "Hey, let me try this. If it fails, at least I had fun trying and did it my way."
So, how do you try not to try?
I know it sounds like an oxymoron. No one wants to be the person who tries too hard and if you try not to try it ends up backfiring. Well, here’s what I kind of learned about it — it’s a balance.
- Approach everything like you would a new food. You know how you tend to get offered food and you kind of look at it and "sniff it out?" Do that with people. Then give them a chance. If you don’t like the vibes or you’re rejected, treat it like bad food and walk away.
- Have a cutoff point. We often go into martyr mode or "burn everything down" mode when we become obsessed with winning or achieving something. It’s like the guy who does everything for a girl, only to have her dump him. You need to have certain boundaries that don’t get crossed — including things like not lighting yourself on fire to keep others warm. Enforce it and don’t let others guilt you into letting those boundaries drop.
- Detach yourself from what you think will fulfill you, especially if it comes from others. This is the hard one, and this often takes therapy and introspection to do.
- Learn to treat rejection with disdain. When someone rejects me, I do my part to look objectively at them. A person’s behavior towards you says more about them than it does about you most of the time. If someone’s being a jerk just because you want to be around them, then they’re a person who doesn’t deserve your time.
- Match people’s energy 24/7. Oh, someone invited you out? Cool. Hit them up to see that chic new bar next time. Oh, someone didn’t show up after they said they would? Cool, block them and move on.
- Avoid judgmental groups like the plague. Judgy people and groups thrive on making others try to do the "Pick Me" dance for them. The sooner you walk away from them and others who make you feel like you have to prove something, the easier it is to not actually care. The easier it is to not care, the easier it is to not try.
Bottom line? Do you and let yourself grow in the directions that treat you well.
Stop exerting energy on uphill battles, and consider thinking backward if things haven’t worked out till now.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.