11 Experts Reveal The Rare Habit That Makes You Infinitely More Likeable
Do these things and you're gonna be popular.
CarlosDavid / Shutterstock The mystery of human connection is as ancient as Plato and as fresh as this morning's "For You" page on TikTok. The elements of charisma remain as intriguing and elusive as the meaning behind the Mona Lisa's smile.
Why do we like some people when others we reject? More to the point, why do some people like us — but we always seem to rub others the wrong way?
There is some science behind the potential answers to the question of likability. We can talk about pheromones and fate, but really, the psychology of attraction is as big a mystery as ever.
To provide a bit of updated guidance, we asked a panel of YourTango Experts to share a rare habit that people can practice to help boost their charisma and become more likable. Do these things, and watch your popularity soar! (Or not. That's why it's such a mystery. But it's worth a shot!)
Here are 11 rare habits that instantly make you more likable:
1. Practice really listening to others.
One rare habit that can make someone infinitely more likable is active listening. Active listening means paying close attention to what the other person is saying, not interrupting them, and showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. People often feel validated and respected when they are listened to actively, which can create a strong bond between them and the listener. By actively listening, you can also gain a better understanding of the other person's perspective, which can help you build a more meaningful and authentic relationship.
- Clare Waismann M-RAS/SUDCC II, founder, Waismann Method Rapid Detox and Domus Retreat
2. Practice being truly appreciative.
Acknowledging something that is well done and the effort behind it is an empowering action. This is often not done because the work was expected. But few people get much acknowledgment if any and it can make a tremendous difference. So, when something goes well, let that person know. Say that you appreciate them and what they did. This is a surefire way to make someone's day and share good vibes.
- Ronnie Ann Ryan, Intuitive Coach and Past Life Reader
3. Take notes on conversations — and bring up important points later.
This habit seems quite basic but it is rare. I highly recommend to my clients that they take notes when talking to potential dates, friends and colleagues. If they mention something that sounds important to them make note of it. Did they have a chihuahua as a child that was like a sibling to them? Did they mention their favorite color? These are often things our brain simply won’t hold on to. (People with epic memorization skills aside.) Before talking to this person look at your notes and try to include the things you know in conversation when it makes sense. The person will feel like you’re a good listener and you care about their life.
- Erika Jordan, love coach, NLP
4. Don't spread harmful gossip.
People who gossip about others are instantly unlikeable as their energy is toxic. It's possible that they just want to vent their emotions without realizing how awful they sound, but the biggest cause of gossip is the envy of the people they are badmouthing and their lack of confidence. One way to counteract this habit is to stop them by saying, "Let's talk about you and focus on your well-being."
- Dr. Ava Cadell, Certified Sex Counselor & Love Coach
5. Build trust by giving someone your sincere attention.
Nothing will make you more likable than listening. It may sound too simplistic, but if someone feels really listened to, they feel accepted and understood. This warms their heart and generates deep trust. Therefore, when you listen to others show your sincerity by repeating where appropriate what they just said, so they know you heard them. Ask questions for clarification and they feel your interest in them. You practice this with warmth and compassion, and they must like you. And more, they will trust and value you and confide in you.
- Fritz George Sauer, author and expert in science-based stress management
6. Show genuine interest in others.
When you show up and give someone your full attention, it is a gift to the other person. Show genuine interest in the person in front of you and they will enjoy spending time with you. Being fully present includes listening with curiosity and without judgment, and responding thoughtfully to what you hear. Notice what happens when you put down your cell phone and other distractions. Give the gift of your caring presence and enjoy building deeper connections and trust with others.
- Dr. Wendy Lyon, Psychologist and Master Certified Relationship Coach
7. Practice respectful empathy.
Being truly present with someone and thinking about or feeling the other person's needs and desires without a hidden agenda — being and feeling with another person.
- Dr. TJ Price, psychologist
8. Cultivate a warm, friendly personality.
Humans like people who like them. Therefore the warmer we are, the more friendly we appear, the faster that strangers can become our friends.
- Susan Allan, founder, the Marriage Forum Inc.
9. Let others know they matter to you.
No one feels more appreciated than when someone sets aside all distractions and makes the other feel like all that matters at that moment is them.
- Brent Roy, Career Coach
10. Wait until others are done talking before you have your say.
Always listen first and then speak.
- Peter Sheras, PhD, clinical psychologist
11. Recognize and acknowledge the things you admire about others.
Always acknowledge the person you are speaking with for something specific they have done or some quality they have. Add the impact that quality has on you.
- Phyliss Koch-Sheras, PhD, clinical pyschologist
Carter Gaddis is the senior editor for experts and wellness with YourTango.