10 Behaviors That Instantly Make Someone Look Desperate And Try-Hard, According To Psychology
You intend to impress but end up looking insecure.
SHOTPRIME | Canva Flirting is an art in and of itself. Go too hard, and you seem desperate and try-hard. Go too soft, and you seem disinterested. Most of us want to show just the right amount of interest.
The thing is, when someone is trying to impress someone, it’s not as subtle as they may think it is. People don’t always realize when they're trying too hard. If you’re wondering if you’re coming across as too braggy or desperate, watch out for the following signs you’re just a little bit too much for your dating game.
Here are behaviors that instantly make someone look desperate and try-hard:
1. You casually mention the luxury gym you attend
Going to the gym is a great habit to have and a wonderful hobby. I ought to know, I love to lift weights. The thing is, it does come off as desperate, particularly if you make a point of saying that you do it in a luxury gym.
2. You oversell your occupation
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You’re not a waiter, you’re “working your way up the ladder to assistant manager at Applebee’s.” It’s trying hard, but at times, it’s a bit much and a Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study showed that this type of exaggeration can indicate fragility and insecurity. It’s OK to admit what your job is without frilling it up. She will still dig you, I promise.
3. Whenever you have the least bit of good news, you tell them
This makes sense and is only natural. However, a lot of people might see this as trying too hard just because you’re telling them, “Look at how awesome my life is,” as suggested by a study in the Journal of Pragmatics.
4. You’ve let someone know you have options
It’s okay to admit you have options. However, most women will back off if they feel like they have too many suitors to stand a chance. Tread carefully — or better yet, make her feel like she’s the only one for you.
5. You send photos of yourself way too soon
Though they can be appreciated by women, this is a desperate move. Just saying. It’s okay to flex a little bit but read the room.
6. You humblebrag
Girls usually prefer guys who have a life outside of them — because, let’s face it, that’s healthy — but what's less attractive is humble-bragging about how great your life is. A study on humblebragging in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology implied doing this is a subtle way to say, “I’m not desperate, but I’m trying hard.”
7. You neg them
In the pickup artist community, this is called “negging.” If you’re doing this to purposefully get women feeling a bit insecure or a bit more impressed with you, then you might be desperate. The Journal of Aggression, Conflict and Peace Research showed "the public view negging as harmful and [has] the potential to escalate in seriousness."
8. You brag about things in hopes that it will spark a conversation
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A good example of this would be saying, "My biggest problem is that I have too many job offers," or "It's so hard to choose between Lexus and BMW." It’s not a good look, as supported by research on the currency of communication in Psychological Review.
9. You mention a status symbol or two for good measure
“Yeah, so my American Express Black Card came in the mail, and then I was sitting at Whole Foods drinking my fair trade Peet’s Coffee...”
10. You feel the need to impress people
Research from The American Psychological Association explored how it’s OK to brag a little, but when you use every other text as an opportunity to brag, you might have a problem. You can try so hard, but you seem a bit insecure.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.