8 Behaviors Of Men Who Are Destined To Grow Old Alone And Miserable, According To Psychology
Men who behave in these unappealing ways often end up alone and miserable.
Jens Linder | Unsplash How do you tell if the man you're dating is destined to grow lonely and miserable? “Watch for patterns,” says therapist and relationship expert Julie Hanks, Ph.D., owner and director of Wasatch Family Therapy and author of The Burnout Cure. Soulmate coaches Orna and Matthew Walters agree: that hope for meaningful connections is not a plan — you need more to take you to your goal of long-lasting connections with others.
Right now, there's a loneliness epidemic among men. A study from the Survey Center on American Life found that 15% of men claim they have no close friends, a fivefold increase since 1990. With men facing an increased risk of isolation, men who grow into old age lonely and miserable often display a few very specific behaviors, oftentimes with their partners, and usually without realizing it.
Here are the behaviors of men who are destined to be lonely and miserable as they grow old:
1. He never introduces his partner to his friends
If he wanted to integrate you into his life, he'd start with the dudes he hangs with. Not introducing someone to their partner's friends, particularly after a significant dating period, can be considered a red flag.
A study published in Communications Psychology found that this is often linked to behaviors like pocketing, indicating a reluctance to integrate the partner into their social life fully. It can signify a lack of commitment or a desire to maintain distance in the relationship.
2. He never asks his partner about their friends, family, or job — it's all about him
Same logic — if a guy's just looking for a fun time, he'll avoid all the messy stuff. But as soon as he's ready for a relationship, your personal life won't seem messy to him.
Research from a 2022 study on relationships and social connections generally suggests that a partner who does not show interest in your friends could indicate a lack of investment in understanding your life. This could stem from issues like self-centeredness, poor communication, or a lack of desire to fully connect with you as a person, including your social circle.
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3. He's always too busy to make plans
You: "We should do something this weekend."
Him: "Yeah, we'll see."
You: "No seriously! We should go to a movie or something."
Him: "Well, maybe. I get kind of restless in movies."
You: "What about dinner? You have to eat, right?"
Him: "Of course, but I might have to do this other thing anyway."
He's blowing you off. And even if you haven't tried to initiate a non-intimate hangout, he should. At some point, he should just sit across from you and talk.
4. He treats women like objects
A booty call is fine if you're comfortable with it. But a booty call is not a date. Don't convince yourself otherwise. Concepts related to relationship power dynamics and communication patterns can help explain why a partner might text you while out but only want to meet you back at their place.
This could be a tactic to maintain control, prioritize immediate physical intimacy, or avoid deeper emotional connection by limiting interaction to a familiar, controlled environment.
A PLoS One study found that to understand their intentions, they must analyze the overall dynamic of the relationship, the partner's communication style, and the frequency of this behavior.
5. He doesn't like his friends' girlfriends — and he's vocal about it
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John's girlfriend is brainless. And now that Frank's dating Dianna, he acts like he's 80 years old. If your guy can't say anything nice about his friend’s girls, he’s probably not interested in being tied down either.
6. He's a little too good at making sure his partner doesn't forget anything
"Don't forget your jacket. Oh, and here's your earrings. And your lipstick. And your bobby pin. And this flyer... did you want it? You grabbed it last night as we were leaving the bar, so take it if you want it. Otherwise, I'm going to throw it away."
7. He never makes or takes his partner to breakfast
There's something intimate about the morning-after meal (especially with the puffy eyes, smeared makeup, and Nikki Sixx hairdo). If he's interested in you, this is a no-brainer. If he's not, then you'll probably be grabbing a bagel on your way home.
A partner consistently not making breakfast for you, especially when it's considered a typical gesture of care in a relationship, could be perceived as a lack of attention, intimacy, or effort. This could lead to feelings of neglect, resentment, and dissatisfaction within the partnership.
A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found this particularly relevant when considering the symbolic meaning of sharing meals to connect with your partner. The meaning of a partner not making breakfast can vary depending on the overall relationship dynamic, like if there is a clear division of labor where one partner handles other household tasks.
8. He makes everything inappropriate
You nailed a big presentation at work today, and he says, "I bet you look smoking hot with a laser pointer."
You learned how to install your dimmer switch, and he says, "Whoa, I can't wait to see you in dim lighting." You created an app that charges cell phones by pulling static electricity from the air, and he does a pelvic thrust in your direction and says, "Oh, I've got something you can pull from the air."
Seems like this guy might be missing an opportunity to compliment you, no?
Clint Carter is an editor and content strategist who has been published hundreds of times in outlets such as Wall Street Journal, Entrepreneur, New York Magazine, and AARP.