The Main Reason Couples Get Divorced Has Nothing To Do With The Marriage Itself, According To A Survey
Couples in the process of divorcing or already divorced shared the reasons that they pulled the plug on their marriages.
Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock With 40% to 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it raises important questions about what drives couples to pull the plug on a partnership that was supposed to last forever. That question seemed to be the main driving force for a survey commissioned by Forbes Advisor, which surveyed 1,000 Americans who are divorced or in the process of divorcing.
Researchers wanted to inform couples to make the right choices before tying the knot or severing ties completely. Based on their data, they were able to narrow down their results to a few key reasons why couples get divorced, but they found one that was most common.
The main reason couples get divorced has nothing to do with the marriage itself.
The survey explained that when couples get divorced, they usually have to state the "grounds for divorce" in court. They found that most people chose a "no-fault" divorce, citing irreconcilable differences.
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You would think that irreconcilable differences or incompatibility would be the main reason for ending a marriage, then right? Well, not really. Irreconcilable differences are the most common grounds for divorce in terms of legality, but as for the actual cause of divorce, that's different.
Licensed clinical psychologist Ann Gold Buscho explained that irreconcilable differences can include everything from different parenting styles, different goals in life, different attitudes towards money, or simply drifting apart as people. Some partners may even turn to other people outside of their marriage, looking for the companionship they're missing from their significant other. Essentially, irreconcilable differences are the catch-all reason used in legal documentation.
"When you see signs of trouble, I suggest that you take steps immediately. If you sweep your concerns under the rug or assume that the problems will take care of themselves, you are inviting divorce into your life," encouraged Buscho. "If you and your spouse are willing to invest in the relationship, the inevitable problems that arise in marriage can often be resolved. Find an experienced marital therapist in your area to guide you through the tough times."
The leading cause of divorce among couples who were married for at least 2 years was a lack of family support.
Yup, you heard that right. Stressful relationships with your in-laws, grandparents who won't help out with the kids, that one sibling who has been sleeping on your couch after his divorce — these family dramas are the real instigators of failed relationships.
Mayer Family Law noted, "Family support plays a key role in parenting and family dynamics, and its absence can impact marital satisfaction and stability. Couples who lack support from their families may experience added stress in parenting, as they may not have access to childcare or help when needed. Strained relationships with extended family members can create tension and conflict within the marital unit. This can further contribute to marital dissatisfaction and divorce."
Once that familial support is broken, and a married couple becomes isolated and stressed, other relationship dealbreakers often rear their ugly heads, making reconciliation impossible. Specifically, infidelity.
In total, the survey found that 34% of marriages among survey respondents ended due to an affair. Data reported on by Psychology Today found that 40% of adults who have cheated during a marriage are separated or divorced. In comparison, only 17% of partners who were faithful are separated or divorced. About 50% of partners who did have affairs are still married, compared to 75% of partners who never cheated.
Couples listed some other reasons they might divorce their partner.
Lack of intimacy, excessive conflict, financial incompatibility, and parenting differences rounded out the top 5 in most common causes for divorce among married couples, but the survey specifically noted that the main cause is usually accompanied by a variety of other issues culminating in the deterioration of a union.
There was a silver lining, however. Couples indicated that getting divorced gave them greater clarity on what it takes to actually commit to a successful marriage. In fact, 63% said it opened their eyes to what actual commitment takes, followed by 56% saying they would be sure their morals and values were more aligned with their future partners.
It seems the more intentional and honest a marriage is, the more likely it is to succeed. The same goes for communication. The more willing a couple is to communicate, even when the conversations are hard, the more likely the relationship will thrive. Relationships take work. It doesn't matter if you've been together for a year or for a decade.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
