They Seem Harmless — But These 10 Casual Lies End Marriages In An Instant
The truth hurts, but it will set you free.
Timur Weber | Pexels Casual lies are harmless, right? We can argue about it all day, but lying is lying and that is a fact. Lying hurts. When your spouse or partner knows you are a liar, everything changes. Lying, no matter how big or small, can get you in a lot of trouble and change your life forever.
You can mean well when you tell a little lie. Lying doesn't always come from a place of hurt. Mothers lie to their children to protect them. Adults lie to children to protect them from the world. But lying can be habit-forming and people will find out. Maybe not overnight, but the truth will emerge, often with terrible timing.
Here are 10 casual lies that seem harmless but end marriages in an instant:
1. The little lie
If you lie you are a liar — there is no way around it. Research in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that "deception[is] related to the reciprocal exchange of information, the desire to avoid punishment, and individuals' attachment beliefs. However, little lies can and always will become bigger lies.
You might believe you have good intentions but every lie makes it easier for you to lie again. The best thing is to tell your partner the truth. After all, honesty is a huge part of any relationship.
2. The trust-eroding lie
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Trust can be a big problem if you start lying with simple lies. If you lie about the small things, your partner will question the truth behind everything you say. If you have been getting away with simple lies, then you will probably get away with bigger lies like paying the bills on time or spending habits.
Once you are caught in a lie, your S.O. will notice you can't be trusted, which can lead to much bigger issues.
Psychologist Cortney Warren elaborated, "Given that most people claim to want to be in relationships that are based on honesty and trust, why do we lie so much to our romantic partners? The short answer is this: First, we lie to our partners about truths that we do not want to admit. Then, we lie to ourselves to justify why we lied to our partner."
3. The chameleon lie
If your S.O. knows you lie, they will see you in a different light. They went into the relationship knowing one person and came out with somebody they don't know — a liar. Your partner will begin questioning what is true about the relationship and what is false. Trust is a major factor in a relationship.
4. The love-canceling lie
If you lie even about the smallest of things, your partner will not take you seriously or care about the words coming out of your mouth. Your words will be meaningless because your spouse knows that whatever comes out of your mouth is false and a fabrication.
It would be sad if you said "I love you" to your partner and they didn't care because they weren't sure if you meant what you said. Words mean so much. Don't let simple lies ruin your relationship.
5. The lie of perpetual doubt
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A play-by-play of events will circulate in your partner's mind if they find out you lied about something.
What you've said and done, and say and do from now on, will be scrutinized because your partner will believe you can't tell the truth in simple circumstances. Trust is key and having a liar on your side is a full-time job. Always questioning if your S.O. means what they say and if their actions are genuine will grow tiring.
Your S.O. will wonder if you are compulsive, chronic, or habitual lying, explained life coach Doren Weinstein, "Compulsive liars may feel pleasure by lying. Telling the truth is not half as much fun and can affect them with "withdrawal" symptoms, like with addictions. Compulsive liars often find the truth almost physically uncomfortable, and most pathological liars would even tell stories that are self-incriminating to seek attention.
6. The lie of betrayal
It is hurtful to think someone is not genuine with you. Lying to your partner may make them feel shameful for falling for whatever lie you told. Feelings of betrayal can lead to a rift in the relationship and may cause your partner to lie and be dishonest with you as well. Instead of lying, talk to your spouse about how you feel.
When you are betrayed by someone you trust, a cascade of feelings begins to unravel, and your experiences with that person are forever altered," explained therapist Teresa Maples-Zuvela.
Who you thought the person was is now challenged with the reality of that person's true character. You realize they have been hiding who they were from you for the entire relationship, whether one month or forty years. They kept a part of themselves secret and hidden from your view.
7. The irreparable lie
Everything was just fine before they knew you were a liar. They thought they were safe and taken care of. They believed every word you said and took it to heart. They knew they could depend on you and didn't second guess your words.
Now they are doing double takes and re-evaluating the relationship. Trust has been broken and may never be fully restored, no matter how hard you try.
8. The lie of fabricated love
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Was your love a fabricated lie or was it real from the beginning? Your partner will question whether your feelings are real and if the relationship is worth it. All the places you have been and experiences you shared will feel fake. Nothing will feel like reality after you are caught in a lie.
9. The lie that says to move on
Let's face it, as much as you want to save a relationship, sometimes it's not salvageable. If things aren't working, don't force it. Maybe you need a change and some time apart.
Being a liar can be exhausting and nobody wants to put up a liar. Having a partner who respects you and wants to be honest with you is crucial. If you or your S.O. don't want to change, there's nothing you can do. Make yourself happy and move on!
10. The dissipating lie
Sometimes the love isn't there anymore after you're caught in a lie. If you are not honest with your S.O., they will question if the relationship is really worth it. Love is something real and if it appears to be fake, it's time to call it quits.
Love dissipates sometimes and that's okay. Sometimes fate pulls people in different directions and that's that.
Njeri Dean is a writer who covers love, relationship advice, astrology, and personality topics.
