11 Subtle Signs Of A Woman Who Never Had To Struggle A Day In Her Life
A life with zero struggles isn't as much of a gift as you might think it would be.
DimaBerlin / Shutterstock It’s easy to resent a person who’s had a relatively easy life devoid of hardship when you’re just struggling to get by, but research shows that people who’ve experienced adversity tend to be better off for it. When you consider the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life, you quickly see that having everything come to you easily doesn't always turn out well for you in the end.
According to a study from the Journal of Value Inquiry, there are a great deal of benefits that come from experiencing trauma that might be otherwise overlooked — from helping to boost resilience, to crafting better emotional expression and self-regulation, and even promoting a more self-aware attitude. Without these learning moments to push us out of our comfort zone, people tend to live a more superficial life.
Here are 11 subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life
1. She finds comfort in staying stagnant and avoiding challenges
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Many people who’ve experienced hardship and been forced into a generally more emotionally intelligent mindset have the ability to recognize that comfort can be constrictive. According to a 2008 study, living in your comfort zone can minimize anxiety and promote a sense of predictability, control, and consistency in your routine — hence the name “comfort zone” — but it also keeps people from leveraging the power of new experiences, challenges, and adversity.
Avoiding challenges and learning opportunities are some of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life. Not only is she generally less aware of the benefits of discomfort, she’s likely always had someone or something to solve her problems for her, like an overbearing parent, generational wealth, or certain privileges.
Living a life of comfort up until this point, she's less likely to seek out challenges, not just because they're a point of anxiety, but because she doesn’t have the tools, self-confidence, and self-awareness to make the most of these teaching moments.
2. She struggles to put herself in other people’s shoes
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Research shows that empathy and compassion are often cultivated through experiencing adversity. Essentially, living through hardship of your own gives you the perspective to give other people grace and put yourself in their shoes. One of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life is a lack of this kind of empathy.
Whether it’s in the workplace when giving grace to colleagues and empathetically approaching hard conversations or in personal relationships when having vulnerable conversations, people who’ve never faced hardship may find it more difficult to support others without experience of their own to draw from.
Of course, there are plenty of truly empathetic women who’ve lived lives without hardship, cultivating a generous attitude and becoming generally forgiving by pushing themselves out of their comfort zones and learning from other people’s experiences. However, in general, many people build empathy by experiencing hardship on their own terms and expressing these shared experiences and feelings with others.
3. She overschedules herself with social events
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Having emotional intelligence — the ability to reflect on your behaviors, learn about yourself, and regulate your emotions — is key to enjoying solitude and alone time. While studies like one from the Scientific Reports journal argue that alone time is the key to de-stressing from a chaotic routine, indulging in self-care, and boosting general mental and emotional wellbeing, you can only leverage these benefits for growth when you’re open and comfortable with prioritizing your solitude.
However, for women who’ve never had to struggle a day in their lives, they not only tend to be less comfortable with alone time — filling their calendars and over-scheduling themselves with social plans — they’re less likely to benefit from it.
Considering they often lack the emotional intelligence to get truly introspective when they’re alone, reflect on their behaviors, or take accountability for their mistakes, they maintain a superficial relationship with themselves — unable to connect inward when they’re spending time by themselves. Overscheduling and completely avoiding time spent alone is an escapist habit that many women who’ve never faced hardship do, oftentimes without even realizing it.
4. She complains about the little things
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Complaining, despite being a sometimes annoying practice to sit through, isn’t an inherently bad or toxic practice, according to psychology expert Homaira Kabir. It not only gives us space to unpack our emotions, reflect on our struggles, and seek support from others, it can sometimes subconsciously help us to understand emotions we’ve otherwise avoided and suppressed.
However, while some people might complain about their tumultuous family dynamic or hardship they’re overcoming at work, one of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life is her tendency to complain about the little things. From doing chores, to picking apart her appearance, and even being pushed out of her comfort zone, she’ll find anything to complain about.
Psychologist Elizabeth Scott, PhD, also suggests that complaining in social settings can be a bonding experience in many ways — helping people to feel more comfortable around others and cultivate connections outside of small talk. Trying to fit in with people who’ve faced true adversity, these women may complain as a means to force shared experience and connection.
5. She gets defensive when receiving feedback
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It’s not uncommon for most people, whether they’ve experienced hardship or not, to be uncomfortable in the face of feedback or constructive criticism. Having to come to terms with your own mistakes and take accountability for your actions isn’t always comfortable, but having the skills and mindset to embrace this discomfort is something that only truly healthy, self-aware, and emotionally intelligent people have the power to do.
One of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life is her combativeness and defensiveness in the face of feedback, whether it’s in a professional environment like the workplace or in personal relationships.
Considering they’ve never experienced the hardship or trauma that forces people to look inward and reflect on the way their behaviors, attitudes, and general situation contributes to their emotional turmoil or hurt, being prompted by others into inspection can feel invasive and anxiety-inducing. Especially for these women who’ve already grown insecure about their lack of practical skills and emotional intelligence, feedback and criticism can feel offensive or like a personal attack.
6. She’s overly confident, sometimes to a fault
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Many women who never had to struggle a day in their lives develop an inflated sense of self and an egotistical mindset as they try to compensate for their lack of experience and the skills they've never gained.
According to Kendra Cherry, MSEd, this kind of inflated ego often causes people to be overly confident in their skills, even in ones they don’t have, as they try to assert their superiority over others in environments like the workplace where they may struggle with insecurity or anxiety.
While this overconfidence can sometimes be helpful for asserting a sense of influence or healthy power — hence the phrase “fake it until you make it” — it’s also one of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life.
Of course, like any of the other signs of this niche group of people, there’s not an “end-all-be-all” experience or attitude that characterizes their lack of adversity. Experiencing trauma or hardship isn’t the key to being self-aware, successful, or knowledgeable, but it is often a starting point for truly confident and intelligent people to excel.
7. She has attention-seeking behaviors
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In our ultra-competitive society, which pressures women to constantly compare themselves to others and seek reassurance, it’s not surprising that many people struggle with attention-seeking behaviors and fall into the trap of needing external validation. According to the mental health organization NeuroLaunch, needing external praise or recognition to feel accomplished, secure, or confident can be a detriment to self-esteem and self-worth, but it’s also one of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life.
Considering she likely had someone solving all of her problems for her from a young age, it’s not surprising that she’s learned to rely on other people for a sense of comfort and security. In adulthood, her accomplishments aren’t defined by an internal sense of pride, but rather by the praise and acceptance of others.
While people who’ve experienced trauma may also be faced with toxic cycles that threaten overpowering people-pleasing desires or avoidant attachment styles, many turn toward introspection to find security, removing themselves from control-oriented and anxiety-inducing relationships.
8. She struggles with taking accountability
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Always having had someone or something else to fall back on in the face of discomfort, it’s not surprising that being unable to comfortably take accountability is one of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life. According to psychologist Leon F Seltzer, PhD, avoiding accountability for mistakes and perceived failures is often a coping mechanism in insecure people.
For women who’ve never experienced hardship or felt comfortable leaving their stagnant and consistent routines to seek out challenges, they may develop this defense mechanism to overcompensate for their lack of experience.
This inability to vulnerably accept accountability and empathetically apologize to others also contributes to their tendency to form superficial relationships. Yes, they may have a million friends and peers to make casual plans with to avoid spending time alone, but they rarely develop the deep meaningful relationships that emotionally intelligent and self-aware people do.
9. She’s overly dependent on others
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Outside the realm of seeking attention and external validation for comfort from others, one of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life is her tendency to be overly dependent on others in her daily life. Even in casual friendships and relationships, these women lean on others for help with just about everything, from needing fleeting favors to help navigating larger decision-making situations.
In intimate partnerships, these women tend to rely on and flock toward people who put their own needs aside in order to give them reassurance, overstepping healthy boundaries and sacrificing a practical balance.
Considering they’ve never navigated hardship or difficult decisions on their own, feeling entitled to help and guidance from others is a misguided truth these women tend to adopt from a young age.
10. She doesn’t act on her curiosity
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While it’s possible for intelligent women who’ve never faced adversity to be innately curious about other people, the world, and specific passions, many prefer to stick to what they know, never leaving their comfort zone to seek out new experiences or learning opportunities.
A study published in the Journal of Intelligence notes that there is a solid link between curiosity, creativity, and emotional intelligence. People who have the capacity to regulate their emotions and be generally self-aware also tend to act on their curiosities and pursue creative endeavors without reservation.
However, steering away from curious and creative endeavors can be one of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life. Without having the opportunity to gain pragmatic life skills like decision-making, build a secure relationship with themselves, or experience the benefits of challenge and discomfort, they stick to what they know.
11. She’s uncomfortable with change
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Considering a reliance on stability, consistency, and the predictability of staying in their comfort zone are some of the subtle signs of a woman who never had to struggle a day in her life, it’s not surprising that they’re also generally uncomfortable with life changes and unexpected challenges.
Without the self-awareness and life skills to navigate uncertainty, change can feel disorienting, urging them to stick to what they know and avoid relationships, situations, and environments that are unpredictable and prone to last-minute changes.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.