11 Subtle Signs Of A Man Who Never Had To Struggle A Day In His Life
When a man has never had to struggle with anything tough, it shows in unexpected ways.
kiuikson / Shutterstock The kind of life a man has lived informs his character. Knowing what his childhood was like and hearing about the foundational experiences that shaped him will reveal a tremendous amount of information regarding what he will be like in a relationship.
While a life without trauma, internal struggles, or hardship might sound ideal, there are a number of benefits people gain from experiencing adversity. It’s possible to be self-aware and empathetic without struggle, but sometimes a lack of adversity can be a red flag that someone hasn’t developed the emotional regulation, problem-solving, and reflective skills necessary to build a truly healthy relationship, so when you notice the subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life, it could be worth your while to examine if he's had other opportunities for personal growth.
Here are 11 subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life
1. He lacks empathy
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According to a study published in the Emotion journal, empathy is often bred from hardship. Living through traumatic experiences and overcoming obstacles equips people with the compassion necessary to understand and address other people’s struggles.
In contrast, people who’ve never experienced hardship or had to struggle in life often find it difficult to be empathetic towards other people’s adversities, whether that means they’re not giving friends grace for mistakes, setting unrealistic standards at work, or operating from an entitled and arrogant perspective.
Of course, it’s possible to gain empathy through open conversations and interactions with others, but only if someone is willing to make an effort to actively listen and understand others without a shared experience of their own.
2. He avoids taking risk or pursuing challenges
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We often fear what we don’t know or understand, according to a 2021 study, which makes it difficult for people who’ve never experienced defeat or hardship to take risks or put themselves in a situation where they’re going to be uncomfortable or uncertain.
Rather than embrace uncertainty, take risks, or construct a mindset where adversity is an opportunity for growth rather than perceived failure, these people completely avoid challenges, staying in their comfort zone in a way that encourages them to live a more stagnant life.
While people who’ve been through struggles and trauma have the opportunity to see the growth and perspective they’ve earned as a result of their adversity, one of the subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life is his ignorance to the benefits of challenge.
3. He finds solitude and alone time uncomfortable
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According to a study published in Scientific Reports, solitude and alone time can provide a great deal of benefits for people who use them wisely, from reducing stress, to sparking more self-reflection, and giving people the chance to practice emotional regulation. For people who’ve been through hardship and trauma, leveraging their alone time can be an opportunity for growth, giving them a chance to connect with themselves, learn about what they need, and invest in passions and hobbies that boost their general mental health.
However, for men who’ve never struggled a day in their lives — always counting on other people to solve their problems, entertain them, or validate their identity — alone time can be uncomfortable. Considering they’ve never had to reflect on their own thoughts, actions, or behaviors in the face of hardship, they’re less likely to find solace in solitude or introspection in their alone time.
4. He’s not introspective
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Experts from the Harvard Business Review argue that self-reflection and consistent introspection are necessary behaviors to craft self-awareness, emotional intelligence, empathy, and compassion. Without understanding their own identities, thoughts, and actions, they’re unable to craft truly genuine, deep, and meaningful relationships.
Considering hardship and trauma often alter a person’s sense of self and identity, it’s not surprising that self-reflection is necessary for their growth and healing. Not only do they feel the need to reassert their own needs and identity in the face of their hardship, gaining perspective and learning from their adversities, but it gives them an opportunity to develop empathy towards others experiencing similar struggles.
Of course, self-reflection can be uncomfortable for anyone to navigate, so avoiding it isn’t necessarily a concrete sign of someone who's never been through hardship.
5. He has superficial friends and relationships
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People who’ve never been through struggles or hardship still have the capacity to be well-educated, successful, thoughtful, and confident, however they tend to struggle making truly deep and meaningful connections with others without the grounded empathy and shared experience other people have.
From excelling at work to making new friends and embracing vulnerability in an intimate relationship, having shared experiences with others is often a foundational element in making true connections. It levels the playing field, reminding both parties that they have a commonality, something to bond over, and similar experiences to empathize with.
Considering vulnerability and discussions about shared hardships or experiences are key to forming better relationships, it’s not surprising that many men who’ve never had to struggle only have the capacity to form superficial relationships characterized by specific environments, activities, or language.
6. He’s overly defensive during arguments
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Resorting to defensiveness during arguments or avoiding conflict entirely is one of the subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life. Overwhelmed by the emotional and interpersonal stress of a conflict, especially considering they’ve never had to work through them before, can be disorienting and anxiety-inducing.
As is the natural response for many people in the face of fear, these men turn to anger, frustration, and irritability when they’re forced to be vulnerable or empathetic to another person’s concerns.
While it’s still possible for these men to learn communication skills and the empathy needed to healthily resolve conflict, it’s often something that people who’ve experienced trauma or hardship have had to learn from a young age — whether as a coping mechanism for stress or by unlearning other toxic behaviors.
7. He struggles with accepting feedback and criticism
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Being able to accept constructive criticism and feedback relies on many of the behaviors, traits, and skills that people who’ve faced adversity tend to gain, such as self-reflection, the ability to engage in vulnerable discussions, taking accountability, and resolving conflict.
While crafting feedback that will be received well is a struggle for anyone, men who’ve never struggled in their lives are often hyper-sensitive to any kind of criticism or feedback.
Without having to self-reflect on their own faults and inappropriate behaviors in the face of conflict because they always have someone else solve their problems or protect them from discomfort, being thrust into a conversation where they’re forced to both take accountability and learn from their mistakes is nearly impossible to navigate.
8. He’s arrogant or overly confident
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Research published in the European Journal of Personality suggests that the opposite of arrogance is affiliation — the desire to empathize and get along well with others. Considering one of the subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life is a lack of empathy and consideration for other people’s struggles, it’s not surprising that they also tend to be more arrogant and overconfident.
Without having to face adversity and conflict that cause them to honestly reflect on their shortcomings or mistakes, they may develop a misguided sense of superiority where they’re overly confident in their abilities, knowledge, and skills despite lacking emotional awareness, empathy, and true internal security.
This arrogance and lack of empathy also tends to sabotage their relationships later in life. They’re less willing to accept help from others, set aside their own ego to support peers, and engage in vulnerable discussions centered around honesty, accountability, and self-reflection.
9. He’s co-dependent
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It’s not surprising that people who always had someone to fall back on or to fix their problems for them struggle with true independence later in life. They’ve never had the chance to gain confidence in their own judgment by experiencing situations where they have to make decisions or take accountability without support from someone else.
When they’re faced with a conflict or struggle eventually in life, they’re uncertain and insecure — unsure of how to best handle discomfort, cope with anxiety, or persevere, even in the face of their fears.
This lack of independence can manifest in a variety of ways, but most commonly it fuels men who’ve never had a struggle in their lives to form co-dependent relationships with others who are willing to adopt the role of giving reassurance and being their problem-solver.
10. He seeks external validation
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Many people who’ve never faced hardship had someone or something to fall back on when they made a mistake or faced an issue, whether it was an overbearing parent, wealth, or privilege. Their perceived struggles or obstacles were always framed alongside someone else.
Considering their lives were always defined by and dependent on other people, it’s not surprising that seeking validation and attention from others is also one of the signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life. Without the assistance, support, or approval of others, they’re unsure of how to navigate the world.
According to experts from the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, many self-aware and independent people still seek reassurance from others, but it’s never the motivating factor behind their decisions or triumphs. People who’ve never faced struggles yearn for the reassurance of other people, considering they haven’t learned to rely completely on themselves, their judgment, or their problem-solving abilities.
11. He never takes accountability for their mistakes
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According to psychotherapist Dr. Sharon Martin, there’s a number of reasons someone might fail to take accountability for their mistakes or wield responsibility over various parts of their lives. In fact, someone who’s experienced trauma may adopt this behavior to cope with emotional turmoil or to avoid unnecessary judgment, criticism, or shame for their mistakes. Failing to take accountability is one of the subtle signs of a man who never had to struggle a day in his life for another reason, as it leads to entitlement.
Considering many people who’re innately privileged or coddled from adversity get defensive in the face of their ignorance, it’s not surprising that they’re uncertain about acknowledging their shortcomings or facing their lack of experience.
Shame is powerful. When someone feels ashamed about their privilege, lack of experience, or behavior, they are willing to do whatever it takes to keep themselves from facing it, even if it means blame-shifting to others or painting themselves as a victim.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.