11 Ways To Spot Someone Who Has Stopped Taking Good Care Of Themselves
Help them find their way back to a happier, healthier life.
Noah Buscher | Unsplash Self-care isn't just about bubble baths or skincare — it's about nurturing your mind, body, and spirit to live your best life. When someone stops investing in their well-being, it can signal that they've lost sight of their self-worth. By recognizing these signs early, you can help them reclaim their health and happiness.
There are ways to spot someone who has stopped taking good care of themselves and offer them support.
Here are 11 ways to spot someone who has stopped taking good care of themselves:
1. They ignore their needs.
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It’s not always obvious, but one way to spot someone who has stopped taking good care of themselves is to notice whether they are trying to meet their needs. People who feel like they have agency over their own lives will advocate for themselves so that they feel fulfilled on a practical and emotional level. They prioritize themselves instead of ignoring their needs to please others.
According to therapist Nancy Carbone, people-pleasing is a form of self-sabotaging behavior. When people make their lives about pleasing everyone else, they stop focusing on being who they truly are.
“The more you invest in others and not yourself, the more you self-sabotage your own life,” she explained. “If you're always people-pleasing, it may be a red flag that you're not practicing the self-love you need. By negating yourself and ignoring your needs, you make yourself unimportant and lack self-love.”
“Learning how to be happy with yourself means learning to love yourself,” she concluded.
2. They suppress their emotions.
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When people stop taking good care of themselves, they rely on various defense mechanisms to suppress their feelings. Yet by pretending their feelings don’t exist, they deny their reality, which inevitably makes them feel worse.
Ignoring a physical wound can cause even more pain; the same is true of emotional wounds. According to psychologist Shreyasi Debnath, pushing down difficult emotions hinders our ability to move through discomfort and heal.
“We do not harm ourselves by being vulnerable or feeling things; we do so when we try to sabotage the natural process of feeling,” she revealed. “Life is beautiful solely because we are gifted with the superpower to feel.”
Someone having a hard time might want to numb their feelings, but if they don’t let themselves experience their painful emotions, they won’t be able to connect to joy or happiness.
3. Their appearance changes.
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A person’s appearance holds no bearing on their worth, but how someone looks can indicate that they’ve stopped taking good care of themselves. No matter someone’s sense of style, how people present themselves externally reflects their internal experience. Someone who takes good care of themselves wears clothes that make them feel comfortable and confident. They wear their hair in a way that makes them feel beautiful, whatever beauty means to them.
Someone who has stopped taking good care of themselves tends to neglect their appearance because they’re in such deep despair that they don’t care about their appearance. They might skip showers or stop brushing their hair. They might look paler than usual, which shows they’re not eating nutritious meals or drinking enough water. They might have dark circles under their eyes or dulled expressions because they’re stressed out and emotionally exhausted.
Part of loving yourself entirely means loving how you feel as you walk through the world, yet someone who’s stopped taking good care of themselves usually doesn’t care about how they look.
4. They have an irregular sleep schedule.
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When someone has an irregular sleep schedule, it usually means they’ve stopped taking good care of themselves. They might sleep too much because they’re depressed. They might have such extreme anxiety they struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep.
The National Institute of Health noted that a good night’s sleep is key to physical and mental health. Rest is crucial for building emotional wellness, which “impacts your ability to successfully handle life’s stresses and adapt to change and difficult times.”
Dr. Marishka Brown, a sleep expert at NIH, outlined the three core aspects of healthy sleep.
“One is how much sleep you get. Another is sleep quality– that you get uninterrupted and refreshing sleep. The last is a consistent sleep schedule,” she explained. “Sleep is not a throwaway thing—it’s a biological necessity.”
5. They’re overwhelmed by everyday tasks.
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For someone who has neglected self-care, everyday activities can feel overwhelming. They might skip meals because cooking is too hard. They might fall behind on bills because their mail keeps piling up until it becomes so overwhelming they don’t know where to start.
When someone feels like they’re not in control of their own life, they often enter a freeze state. They stop making essential decisions and let the world pass them by. Basic chores take too much effort,
making their living space increasingly disorganized. Their inner life feels too out of control to manage, and that feeling leaks into their everyday experience.
6. They have mood swings.
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People with a baseline of emotional intelligence can regulate and express their feelings calmly and measuredly. Their emotional resilience stems from their sense of inner peace, which only exists because they care for themselves more deeply.
Someone who’s stopped taking good care of themselves will feel derailed by minor inconveniences like traffic jams. They experience intense mood swings because they lack an internal reserve of patience. Their frustration tolerance is lower than usual, so they react emotionally when things don’t go their way.
Therapist Amber Trueblood shared valuable insight for building emotional resilience through self-care.
“True self-care is any activity or practice that creates joy and increases levels in your emotional bank account,” she explained. “It creates a deep positive shift… It energizes and makes you feel more relaxed, flexible, forgiving, appreciative, and compassionate with yourself and others.”
By tuning into what nourishes you and following through on those activities, you “raise your baseline level of emotional resiliency.”
“Increased emotional resiliency means you’re less likely to remain anxious, agitated, impatient, frustrated, or flustered,” Trueblood concluded.
7. They’re socially withdrawn.
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Minor challenges can feel insurmountable for someone who has stopped caring for themselves. However, they are often too lost in their self-loathing to reach out and ask for support. They don’t want to burden their friends or family, so they withdraw from their social circles and self-isolate.
They might ignore your texts or tell you they’re fine when they’re not. They might cancel plans and avoid the people they love. They think that needing a helping hand makes them weak when it just means they’re human.
We’re only as strong as the relationships we cultivate. Having a solid support system is a key part of caring for ourselves. Accessing those social supports is a tangible way to improve our mental and physical health. As NIH psychologist Dr. Valerie Maholmes revealed, “We can’t underestimate the power of a relationship to promote well-being.”
8. They lack motivation.
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A lack of motivation indicates that someone has stopped taking good care of themselves. Feeling hopeless often leads people to lose their drive, which impacts their ability to care for themselves. They might also struggle professionally, missing deadlines and turning in poor-quality work.
The quality of their relationships can also suffer. Caring for others is hard when you can’t summon the energy to care for yourself. Feeling unmotivated can create a sense of emotional distance between people and the people they love, ultimately driving them apart.
9. They’re stressed out.
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Acute stress can quickly become chronic stress, which can wreak havoc on someone’s mental health and overall well-being. When people have stopped taking good care of themselves, they often lose sight of their inner strength, making their stress levels intolerable.
According to psychologist Nick Wignall, “Some people respond to the ups and downs of bad moods and painful emotions with far more confidence and resilience.” There’s a direct connection between emotional instability and high stress, as “difficult emotions are a lot harder to manage when you’re stressed.”
“One secret of emotionally stable people is that they’re good at keeping their stress levels in check,” he explained.
Yet emotionally stable people focus less on stress management and more on targeting the parts of life that cause extreme stress. They set essential boundaries that allow them to prioritize their time and focus their energy on the things that matter most to them.
“It’s better to manage your stressors before they become stress,” Wignall revealed. “Treat the cause, not the symptom. Manage your stressors, not your stress.”
10. They’re self-critical.
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Part of being human means wrestling with our inner critics as they try to convince us we’re not good enough. Judging ourselves and holding ourselves to impossibly high standards is a common trap.
As certified coach Michele Molitor pointed out, “We tend to be much harsher on ourselves and overly critical of our performance than we would be on any other person.”
Channeling self-compassion is a healthy method for talking yourself off the ledge of self-doubt, but for someone who’s stopped taking care of themselves, it’s easier to let that critical inner voice swallow them whole.
“Negative labels can significantly impact thinking by creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, lowering self-esteem [and] limiting potential,” Molitor explained. When our negative dialogue with ourselves becomes paralyzing, it’s time to seek some support.
“Perfection is an unattainable illusion, but self-acceptance and personal growth are achievable goals that lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling life,” she concluded.
11. They stop setting goals.
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When people hope for the future, they set goals and map out the direction they want their lives to take. If they give up on caring for themselves, they often give up on their dreams. Existing in an emotional low point makes it hard to imagine that things can get better.
Sometimes, giving up on goals isn’t bad, especially when those goals no longer fit who you hope to become. Psychology Today referenced research from Dr. Anne Holding, who described the experience of ambivalence around goals as “an action crisis.”
People go through an action crisis when their goals feel impossible to reach or their values have shifted, so they no longer want to accomplish them. Holding onto a goal even though it no longer fulfills them can lead to stress and depression and negatively impact their overall well-being.
Changing course and abandoning old goals can open doors to new opportunities, inspiring people to achieve their potential for excellence.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.